More Than Just a Virgo
by TrueTaurean
Summary: Cancer can take the life out of even the strongest people. Battling a terrifying sickness with a high mortality rate, how will Kakashi find hope?
1. Chapter 1: A Typical Morning

Chapter 1: A Typical Morning

I blearily opened my eyes, wincing as they made contact with the sunlight streaming through the window. Although I had stayed in bed well into the morning, I still felt exhausted and sleep deprived. A painful headache had awoken me at the early hours of dawn, making it nearly impossible to get out of my comfy spot on the bed.

 _I need to get up. I can't afford to be late to the physical._

If it had been any other time, I would've just stayed in bed all day, or at least until my god forsaken headache had subsided. But today, Tsunade was holding a mandatory physical exam for all Jonin, which included me, of course. If I didn't get there, and on time too, Tsunade would probably beat me to death. Maybe if I was lucky she'd leave me alive, albeit with some missing appendages. I wanted to live with _all_ of my body parts, thank you very much.

With a groan, I swung my legs over the side of the mattress and sat there for a few moments to gain my bearings. I rested my head in my hands and started massaging my temples in an attempt to get rid of the worsening headache. My head felt heavy and weighed down, as if it were filled to the brim with coins and large chunks of lead.

I got up on shaky legs and trudged to the bathroom, the world spinning around me as I did so.

 _Maybe I shouldn't have got up so soon…_

I stood in front of the mirror and gripped the edges of the sink. I took deep, measured breaths and tightly closed my eyes in an attempt to fight off the nausea. My efforts were to no avail.

My stomach lurched without warning, and the horrible sounds of retching echoed off the walls of my small bathroom. I painfully emptied the few contents of my stomach, mostly gastric juices, into the porcelain bowl, until I was left just dry heaving.

I was doubled over, still clutching my sore abdomen. My eyes were watery, and small tears were running down my pale cheeks. Even after all these years of being a ninja, a proclaimed genius and prodigy, I still _hated_ vomiting. And every time I did, tears automatically ran down my face. Sad, isn't it?

 _I wonder what someone would say if they saw "Sharingan no Kakashi" crying like a child after throwing up._

I don't really know why I do it; maybe vomiting is some secret fear of mine. A pretty bad fear to have as a ninja who could always get poisoned or tortured.

At least as a child, my father would always help me when I was sick. I remember it like it was yesterday: He would watch over me at night and put wet towels on my forehead, like the mother that I never had. He would give me chicken broth to warm my sore throat. He would rub circles on my back when I threw up and wipe away my childish tears with his callused thumb. But...he's dead. My father committed suicide. Back then, I took all that stuff for granted, but now, I wish I could go back into the past, especially to the times that I had contracted some kind of cold or the flu, just so that he could care for me again.

Pushing back the unwanted memory, I cleaned my mouth of the putrid taste of bile and stomach acid and hastily washed my face. I pulled my mask back on before returning to my bedroom and flinging the closet door open.

I took out my usual outfit: green jonin vest, a long sleeved shirt, and ninja pants. After tiredly slipping into my bland clothing and applying bandages, I put on my ninja sandals and flashed to the training grounds.

*POOF*

I stumbled as my feet made contact with the dewy grass. For some reason, the body flicker technique had left me dizzy and tired.

 _Note to self: Don't travel at untraceable speeds when you have a migraine._

After a few moments of fighting the renewed nausea and danger of falling over, I balanced myself substantially and stood to face my students, who had not yet realized I was there.

"Ahem," I cleared my throat so my students would turn their attention toward me. The three Genin looked over with wide eyes, successfully broken out of whatever argument they were partaking in. They did not take long to retort at my tardiness.

"YOU'RE LATE AGAIN!" Sakura and Naruto shrieked in unison. Suddenly, the lingering ache flashed hard and hot. I gripped my head with both gloved hands and hissed in pain, my eyes shut tightly. Perhaps it was the loud noise that triggered the pain?

"…Sensei? Are you alright?" Sakura asked timidly. I forced my hands drop to my sides from their tight grip on my head. I didn't want to worry my students. Although the pain was shooting across my skull like electricity, I tried my best to ignore it and decided to continue with what I came here to do in the first place.

"Yes, I'm fine. No need to worry. Anyway, I came here to tell you that I'm not going to be here to train you guys, so do whatever you want. You have the day off," I quickly said, facing my students. Both Sakura and Naruto had concern tinging their expressions. _I wish my head would stop_ pounding.

"Wait. Why aren't you going to train us today?" Sasuke came out of the shadows, curiosity shining in his usually cold, unconcerned eyes.

"All Jonin have a mandatory physical today. Why? Are you going to miss me Sasuke?" I crinkled my eyes into a playful smile. I knew he was probably asking because my absence would hinder his training, but _still_.

"N-no! Of course not!" Sasuke pouted and crossed his arms, averting his eyes.

"Shut up teme, you'll hurt sensei's feelings!" Naruto whispered, loud enough that all of us could hear him. Sasuke immediately glared back at him, his mouth open and ready to shoot back a witty reply.

"Now, now, there's no need to start a fight over me," I said, crinkling my visible eye to calm them down.

"Well, I can't be late, right? Ja ne."

I body flickered to the front of Konoha Hospital. Big mistake. I had gotten off easy before, but now, the nausea was much worse, overpowering, even. As soon as I felt the pressure in my abdomen and the terrible feeling of increased saliva in my mouth, I stumbled to the nearest bush and crouched down, just in case. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, willing it to go back down to my stomach, but soon, the reflex overpowered all of my attempts. I choked and gagged on the putrid acid my body was bringing up. I was doubled over in front of the bush, my mask yanked down as gastric juices left both my mouth and nostrils, burning them in the process. After a few more heaves, my body decided to stop punishing me.

I quickly wiped the tears that had unwillingly sprouted out of my eyes and tugged my mask back into place, both literally and figuratively.

 _What's wrong with me? I should tell Tsunade during the physical…_

I rose on trembling legs and ambled to the doors of the hospital. I pushed them open and entered into the bland, white space, glancing around for a colleague. Unfortunately, I was later than I had intended to be, so most of them were probably already at the site of the physical. Not that I cared, of course.

 _Tsunade told us to meet up on the third floor._

If this were any other time, I would flash there, all the while reading one of Master Jiraiya's perverted novels. But I'd learned from experience that using the body flicker technique with a migraine has some messy consequences.

Heaving an irritated sigh, I trudged to the staircase and wearily started plodding up the countless steps.

It took longer than I wanted it to, but I finally made it to the third floor. After wandering around for a bit, looking for the site of the examination, I finally found it.

In front of the closed door of an ordinary examination room was a rather small group of Jonin; some sat on the floor, impatiently waiting for their turn, while others stood in groups, chattering aimlessly.

I sighed and found an isolated corner to stand in. _This is such a drag…I'll probably be here till evening._

Rolling my eyes, I pulled out my _Icha_ _Icha Paradise,_ leaning against the drab walls. I turned to a random page and skimmed over the familiar words in an attempt to engage my bored mind. I wasn't in the mood to handle socializing with the other Jonin. _Especially_ Gai; I definitely couldn't deal with his antics at the moment.

Frankly, I found it irritatingly hard to concentrate on the text in front of me when I still felt like crap. My dry mouth still held a bitter, acidic taste from when I vomited. Although I had not eaten any breakfast, I felt that my uneasy stomach wouldn't be able to handle any type of food at the moment. Oh, and I still had a headache. Although the pounding wasn't as unbearable as it was in the morning, it was still _there._ I was just so tired of this, of feeling _ill._

I sighed and slumped to the ground, pulling my knees to my chest. I tucked the graphic novel back into my pouch and leaned backward, resting my head against the cool stone walls. Perhaps if I relaxed for a bit, the headaches would go away. Maybe I was just sleep deprived.

 _I'm a ninja, so I'm never actually asleep. I'm always aware of my surroundings, so when they call my name, I'll know to get up._

With that thought, I hesitantly shut my eyes, welcoming the darkness. The cheerful babbling gradually faded into a low murmur.

 _Yes, a nap can't hurt…_


	2. Chapter 2: The Physical

**Author's Note:** Hi! Reading some of the awesome fan fictions that are posted onto this website, I decided to finally write my own and publish it. This is my first ever fan fiction, so sorry if it's, you know, _terrible!_ I would greatly appreciate it if I got some reviews and even constructive criticism, so that I can make this story better and more enjoyable.

 **P.S.**

Thinking-" _text_ ".

* * *

Chapter 2: The Physical

Tsunade tiredly opened the door for the Jonin to leave. She sighed and checked his name off of a chart on her clipboard, and looked to see who she would call up next.

 _Kakashi Hatake._

Anticipating his characteristic tardiness, the hokage had put Kakashi at the end of the list.

 _Thank god, he's the last one. I'm exhausted…I really need a few shots of sake after this._

"Shizune!" Tsunade irritably tucked her arms under her ample bosom and relentlessly called out to her assistant.

"Y-yes, Milady!" Shizune jumped out of the examination room, by her side in a second.

"Get Hatake. I'll wait in the office." The hokage's assistant nodded briskly before going off to find the said ninja.

Tsunade trudged back into the exam room and sat on her stool, waiting for Shizune to come in with Kakashi. All the ninja she had performed a physical examination on were relatively healthy. Even Asuma, who undoubtedly went through at least a pack of cigarettes every day, surprisingly showed no outward signs of illness. Most of hidden leaf's best shinobi were fit as a fiddle, so she doubted the White Fang's son would be any different.

Shizune scampered further into the small space in front of the exam room, her eyes darting around for the silver hair that distinguished the copy ninja from others. It didn't take long for her to find him, but it took rather long for him to get up.

She found Kakashi in an empty corner, his legs splayed out in front of him. The shinobi's head was nodded forward and his unruly hair shadowed his eyes from view. Shizune grimaced at his slumped posture, knowing as a medical nin, and from experience, that his back would be sore and stiff later.

"Lady Tsunade is ready to see you, Kakashi,"she notified him. He didn't stir in the slightest.

"AHEM," she loudly cleared her throat, hoping that he would awaken. _I'm surprised that_ Kakashi, _out of_ _all people_ , _would leave himself this vulnerable._

"…Kakashi. Wake up, please," Shizune pleaded. He didn't shift from his "comfy" position on the cold tile. _He's not listening. Well, isn't this awkward?_

When she realized her attempts were not going to work, Shizune tried a new approach. She reluctantly crouched down from her stiff stance in front of Kakashi and put a hand on his broad shoulder, lightly shaking him a few times.

He jerked his head up and he instantly stiffened, wildly looking around his surroundings in confusion.

"Lady Tsunade has requested your presence for the physical examination," she said, standing up once she was sure he had awoken.

He turned toward the source of the noise, his eyes wide and bloodshot. _Oh…it's only Shizune._

"O-oh. Of course," he said blearily. Kakashi stood on unsteady legs, his bottom numb from being in contact with the tile for hours. He stretched out his lanky arms, cracking his sore back. _I let myself fall asleep? Now I'm the only one here…_

"Just follow me to the room across the hallway,"Shizune prompted, starting to pace away. Kakashi nodded and they made the short trip to the exam room.

...

Shizune opened the bland door for Kakashi and he walked in, his headache still there, but only a slight tingling by then. Perhaps he really was only sleep deprived.

"Finally, you're here. What took you guys so long?" Tsunade asked, once Kakashi entered the room. Shizune nervously chuckled and rubbed the back of her head.

"He he…Sorry for keeping you waiting Lady Tsunade. Kakashi here decided to take a nap, so I had to wake him up…"she said, timidly gesturing to the copy ninja. Tsunade crossed her arms and squinted her hazel eyes, unimpressed.

"Whatever. You have a minute to dress into this." She said, tossing Kakashi a medical gown. She exited the room, Shizune following closely behind her.

Kakashi stared at the gown for a moment, before slowly unzipping his flak jacket and pulling his shirt off. He decided to leave on his skin tight undershirt with the attached mask, his gloves, and his boxers. He took off everything else, including his forehead protector, and quickly folded it to put on the examination table.

The copy nin slipped into the loose gown, glad that it was long enough to cover him in all the right places.

*Knock, knock*

"Can I come in now?"Tsunade asked, impatiently waiting outside with her faithful assistant. Kakashi nodded stupidly, before realizing that she obviously could not see him.

"Yes, you can," he answered quickly, standing close to, almost hiding behind, the examination table.

Tsunade opened the door with a click and immediately went to go and grab Kakashi's medical files and her own pen. The sound of her heels clicking against the tile echoed throughout the room as she made her way over to the weighing machine.

"Come here. Although it is a bit tedious, I still need to check your weight and temp," Tsunade grumbled, gesturing for him to get on the scale. Kakashi blushed and fidgeted with his hands, a bit embarrassed to be practically naked in front of the hokage herself.

"Oh, come on already. I'm not going to bite you or anything. I've seen everything, so there's no need to be so nervous," she prompted impatiently upon noticing his timid behavior.

Kakashi quickly stepped on, considering Tsunade's remark as good as an order. The hokage played with the beams of the scale until she got an accurate reading. _Hm. 144 pounds._

After asking Shizune to check his temperature and height, and recording the information in his medical files, she motioned for Kakashi to sit down on the exam table. He slid back onto the said table, the paper underneath him crinkling at the slightest movement. His bare feet dangled loosely above the ground.

"So, your temperature is completely average; no fever whatsoever," Tsunade informed him.

 _That's odd, considering how bad I feel,_ he thought curiously.

"Your height and weight ratio is also considered normal, although your weight is a bit on the lower side. You've lost a few pounds since your last checkup. Again, you're fine, but I don't want you to lose anymore because it might become detrimental to your health."

He nodded, taking her words into consideration. Kakashi really hadn't been looking after himself for the past few weeks, but as much as he wanted to, he doubted that he could. With the recurrent nausea, he had been losing his appetite out of fear of throwing up.

"Now I'm going to ask you a few questions. It's your duty to give me an honest response, got it?" she commanded, her eyes fiercely boring into Kakashi.

"Yes, Milady," he answered respectfully, although he was honestly a bit scared on the inside. But then again, who wouldn't be a little shaken up if Tsunade was glaring at them?

"Alright, let's start. Do you smoke?"

"No."

"Do you drink alcohol? If so, how often?"

"I don't drink very often. At most, a few times every couple of months." She paused to scribble down the new data.

"And how much water do you drink in a day?"

Kakashi gave a crinkle-eyed smile and cheerily replied, "I try to drink at least 64 ounces, ma'am." _Yeah, right,_ she thought with a smirk.

"How often do you train?"

"Usually every day for a few hours."

"If you train that much, are you replenishing your body with the appropriate foods?" _Are you eating right?_

"I mean, I try to eat three meals a day…"

"Kakashi, a shinobi like you should eat more than a normal civilian. If you train every day, I recommend that you eat more fruits and vegetables. After, and even before your exercise, you should have some carbohydrates, preferably complex carbs such as whole wheat…" Kakashi gazed at her with droopy eyes, half-heartedly listening to her words.

 _God, I feel like such a little kid now. Does she think I'm stupid? I'm 27, I know how to take care of myself…Don't I…?_

"How often do you partake in sexual activities?" The unusual question caught Kakashi off-guard, successfully breaking him out of his thoughts. His back stiffened and he blushed a deep shade of red.

 _The perfect question to push his buttons,_ Tsunade thought, the smug look on her face hidden by a raised clipboard. She was planning on asking the question later, but when she saw the drowsy, far-off look in his lidded eyes, she decided to ask it earlier on to "bring him back to life". Although she was a renowned medical ninja, she still enjoyed having fun with her work.

"Um…I don't…I mean…I h-haven't yet." He stammered, looking down at his lap and fidgeting with his fingers. Tsunade chuckled lightly. She secretly hoped for him to live the rest of his life in happiness and peace, maybe find himself a girl. He had experienced enough pain and loneliness for a lifetime.

"Hey, it's fine. I'm done with my questions. Do you have any personal concerns for your health that you want to voice?" she asked softly.

 _I should tell her about the headaches…_

"Now that you mention it, there is something I would like to tell you," he uttered with a thoughtful look. He gazed at her intently, not with the same heavy-eyed look he was giving her before. Tsunade straightened up, curious as to what he was going to say. _I thought he would just leave as quickly as he could. I wonder what it is that he's so concerned about…_

"I-I've been getting these headaches. Lately, they've been interfering with my duties as a shinobi, and just my everyday life." Tsunade furrowed her eyebrows in thought and pushed on.

"…Okay. How long has this been going on for? Are the headaches frequent?" Kakashi shifted on the table, trying to remember.

"They've been getting really bad this week, but I've felt a dull pain for a while now. The ache is there almost the whole day."

"Have you been experiencing any other symptoms?"

"Nausea, I guess. I've vomited a couple of times…" he answered uneasily, not wanting to replay the memory. _No wonder he's lost weight. The brat's probably losing his appetite…_

"When you get the headache, where does it hurt?" Tsunade prompted, locking her honey-colored eyes with Kakashi's . To give an adequate diagnosis, she needed more information.

"Hm…I think it hurts all over," he said, taking a moment to distinguish the area of the pain that he was currently feeling.

"Are you sensitive to light or noise?" Kakashi thought back to when Naruto and Sakura had shrieked at him. His headache _had_ worsened then.

"I guess I've been experiencing a little noise sensitivity." Tsunade glanced back at his medical files.

"You have no history of recurrent headaches, correct?"

"No. I've had headaches, but nothing like this," he said firmly. _This sounds like a migraine_ , Tsunade thought.

"Well, it's hard to tell just by asking you questions. I know you don't take any medications or drugs, so the most likely cause for your headaches would be lack of sleep, or maybe stress. Even skipping meals can trigger a headache."

"But…I've never had-"

"Look, if the pain's really bothering you, I can give you Ibuprofen. Other than that, just try to relax. Catch up on your sleep, and you'll hopefully be fine in no time. If it doesn't get better, just come to me." Tsunade hurried to a conclusion, wanting to finish the rest of his exam so that she could go home and drink.

"Alright..."Kakashi complied, understanding that Tsunade wanted to leave just as bad as he did.

And with that, Tsunade continued with the rest of her physical, documenting that Kakashi was in relatively good health, just like the rest of the Hidden Leaf shinobi.


	3. Chapter 3: A Few Weeks Later

I woke up in the middle of the night. Again.

I opened my heavy lids and clumsily reached my arm out to turn on the lamp, knocking over the pills that were placed on my bedside table. Squinting my unfocused eyes, I checked the time on my alarm clock; it was almost four in the morning.

I sat up and slumped against the head of my bed; I knew from experience that laying down just made the pain worse. Sighing, I leaned over the side to retrieve the bottle of Ibuprofren. As I fumbled around for the painkillers, the coat of tension cloaking my head seemed to weigh down on me, the intensity of the migraine increasing.

I hissed and slowly made my way up, careful not to move too suddenly as I slumped back into my covers. I shakily popped the cap and took two pills, not even using any water. It had been a few weeks since my last physical, weeks since Tsunade had prescribed the Ibuprofen. It wasn't working.

If anything, the headaches were becoming even more frequent, even more intense.

Groaning, I leaned back against the pillows and covered my tired eyes with my arm. I could try to go back to sleep now and get up in a few hours. _If I keep going on like this, I won't be able to function._

The headache was hard to ignore, but slowly, my consciousness began to dim and I once again drifted off into a fitful slumber.

* * *

Three heads jerked around when they heard the slow noise of sandals shuffling across the grass.

"You're late again!"

"…Sorry, guys…Guess I overslept." Kakashi sheepishly scratched the back of his head, squinting his eyes. His pupils stood still in shock, surprised that he didn't come up with a stupid excuse. He was telling the truth; after waking up before dawn, he _had_ gone back to sleep, but found it very hard to actually wake up on time.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Let's just go on a mission already! I've been waiting for forever!" Naruto pouted and exclaimed in annoyance, breaking the silence.

"Sorry, Naruto, no missions today. You'll just have to make do with regular training." Naruto groaned and slumped to the ground, his two teammates rolling their eyes at his antics.

"Now, now, training is just as important. Come on, straighten up." Naruto sighed dramatically and rose from his defeated place on the ground, crossing his arms and pouting.

"Well, we might as well get started. Naruto and Sasuke; you two spar with each other. Sakura, you're with me." The two boys immediately ran off further into the field, screaming about how they were going to beat the other one up.

Sakura directed her gaze to Kakashi, ready to hear what _they_ were going to.

"You're goal is to try and land a kick on me; I don't care how strong, just try to actually hit me," he explained, confident that he could probably pull out his novel and still easily dodge her attempts.

"Ready, Sakura?"

"Ready as I'll ever be!" Sakura got into a fighting stance, her jade eyes gleaming with determination.

"Start!" He took out his obscene book and turned to a random page. Sakura ran at him, emitting a loud battle cry.

She threw a strong round house kick at his side, but he easily dodged it with his palm, sending her skidding a few feet back. She didn't take long to shake it off and come right back at him. The rosette leaped up and swung her long leg, aiming for Kakashi's head. _If only he would take me seriously for once and put that damned book away! I'm not strong...but I'll show him. One day, I'll show all of them!_

He quickly ducked down, narrowly missing the swift boot to his skull. With the sudden movement, a flash of hot pain rang through his sensitive head. Kakashi gasped at the unexpected intensity sheeting his skull like stabbing hot needles, but Sakura didn't notice him losing his composure, though, and relentlessly plowed on.

She rapidly advanced with new vigor, empowered by her motivation to be strong; to be more than just _average_. Kakashi stood there, immobilized in pain, as the kunoichi attempted to land a hard sandal somewhere on his body. He couldn't bring himself to move, afraid that any motion would aggravate his headache even further. Sakura advanced, getting dangerously closer every second…

 _Move…Move…Move, dammit!_

Kakashi pumped chakra into his legs and clumsily leapt back in the nick of time, just barely dodging her kick. He dropped his book as a wave of unforeseen nausea overpowered his senses. _Not this again..._

"S-stop Sakura…" He wheezed, holding out a shaky hand. Sakura froze mid-kick, a determined scowl still set on her flushed face.

Kakashi, on the other hand, was doubled over, his hands weakly gripping trembling knees. As he stood, more like slouched, in front of Sakura, the world spun uncontrollably, his sense of balance gradually diminishing. Before he could completely fall over though, Sakura ran over to his side and gripped his swaying form, finally noticing how uncharacteristically off kilter he was.

"W-what's wrong, Kakashi-Sensei?!" she asked confusedly, barely able to keep a grasp on his tilting frame. _I didn't even hit him!_

"It's n-nothing, r-really…But I should p-probably s-sit…" He gave her a pained smile. As a sensei, his duty was to take care of his students, not have them take care of him, and _especially_ not worry for him. This time he crinkled his eyes to make sure that they wouldn't reveal his growing malaise.

"O-okay… just hang in there Sensei." Sakura pulled one of his heavy arms around her shoulders and started the journey to the nearest tree, stumbling under the weight. He shakily straightened up after realizing that he was unconsciously leaning on his pupil, probably due to the fact that he was in danger of _losing_ his consciousness.

Because of the lightened load, the two were able to find a resting spot rather quickly; a large oak tree that provided them with a close view of Naruto and Sasuke's "duel". Kakashi collapsed to the ground, unable to stand any longer, even if it _was_ with Sakura's help. He leaned back against the rough, splintery tree trunk, not caring that the dewy grass was dampening his shinobi slacks.

Sakura plopped down next to him, her brows furrowed in concern upon taking a good look at her sensei. He was completely still, as if moving would hurt him. The visible portion of his face was pale as a sheet, beaded with droplets of sweat. _He doesn't look too good…_ Sakura thought uneasily.

"…Sensei?"

The kunoichi's anxiety grew when her sensei did not respond. The way Kakashi's eyelids had drooped close and how unnervingly motionless he was, made him seem unconscious.

"K-Kakashi Sensei!" She gripped his shoulders and shook them hard, her eyes wide with worry.

"Hmm?" He replied tiredly, a little bit annoyed. Kakashi cracked open a lid, gulping deeply to push down the bile that had risen up his throat with all of the violent movement.

"Good, you're awake! I was so worried!" Sakura exhaled in relief, wiping the drops of sweat that had accumulated on her brow.

"Of course I am. I wouldn't sleep on the job, would I?" he said flippantly, reaching into the pocket of his flak jacket. Kakashi pulled out the familiar bottle of Ibuprofen he had stuffed into his vest and popped the cap. Although it rarely made a difference, he took it anyway, thinking that doing _something_ was better than doing **nothing at all**.

He shook three pills into his gloved palm and slowly brought them closer to his mouth. Sakura followed every movement of his hand with wide jade eyes, aware that to take the pills, he had to pull down his mask. _This is it! I'm finally going to see Kakashi Sensei's real—_

Out of nowhere, a strong gust of wind decided to blow a pile of leaves in their direction, conveniently obscuring his face from Sakura's view. When her line of vision was intact again, she was astonished to see Kakashi capping the bottle and tucking it back into his vest pocket.

"DAMMIT!" The profanity blew past her lips, much like the wind that had just blown past them. Realizing that she had said a "dirty word", Sakura quickly clapped a pale hand over her mouth, her cheeks dusted the same color as her hair.

"Is something the matter?" he asked, feigning innocence.

"N-NO, no, everything's fine, HAHA!" she gushed loudly, her face even redder than before. He raised an eyebrow, amused at her antics.

 _I'll show them my face someday…but not any time soon!_ He thought with a chuckle, leaning back onto the splintery tree trunk.

He closed his eyes and crossed his legs, waiting for the headache to **go away** _._

"…Sensei?" Sakura called tentatively, fidgeting with her fingers.

"What is it?" Kakashi mumbled, eyes still closed.

"Um…It's just…Well…Are you alright?! You took THREE pills, and I usually just take one!"

He sighed, opening his eyes at the sudden question.

"Yes, I am. Thank you, but don't worry about me. And by the way, the amount pills you take depends on your age and weight," He said, not lying, but hiding the truth. _No, I'm not okay…but I don't know what's wrong with me either…_

"Then what was that just now? You practically _fainted_ during training!" she crossed her arms, her green orbs locking dangerously with Kakashi's own dark ones.

"Oh, that? Well, I spent most of the night reading, so as a result of that, I woke up late. I didn't want to be even later to training, so I skipped breakfast and ran all the way here. And because of all of that, I have a bit of a headache," he lied, waving off her question and closing his tired eyes.

" _He expects me to believe that?! I know for a fact that he couldn't care less about being late!"_ she thought incredulously, " _But I guess I shouldn't push it out of him…"_

Sakura took one look at how his pasty face clashed with the deep black of his mask and decided to stop probing him. _Maybe I can help..._

She slowly got up onto her knees, scooting closer to the jonin's side. She reached out a small hand toward Kakashi's silver, gravity-defying hair and softly began to massage his scalp.

He jerked up abruptly, his spine stiffening and his eyes widening considerably at the sudden touch.

"Y-you don't have to do that, Sakura…"he leaned away from her, not used to such contact. As sad as it sounded, it had been _years_ since anyone had given him a massage or displayed any signs of affection. Actually, if they tried, he probably waved them off. Caring gestures can lead to friendship, and friendship is a very dangerous thing. Every single friend that Kakashi had made ended up **dying**.

"Come on, Sensei! You'll feel loads better, I promise." She continued weaving her fingers through his silver mane, the spiky strands tickling her palms. He exhaled loudly and slumped in defeat, too tired to argue with his pupil.

"Fine then…if you're sure it'll help…"he muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose and squinting his eyes. Comrades weren't necessarily friends…they were just fellow shinobi, people who shared his interest in doing missions and honing their skills.

"Positive!" Sakura giggled cheerfully, ignoring his obvious uneasiness.

 _She reminds me of Rin…If Rin were here right now, she would do_ _ **exactly**_ _what Sakura's doing…_

He pushed back the unwanted memories, mentally slapping himself. _She's dead._

"Relax, Sensei! You're so stiff." She chided. He loosened his taut muscles, releasing the accumulated tension. Kakashi hadn't even realized how rigid his body was becoming.

She continued to gently massage his head for a while, grinning to herself when he finally leaned into the touch, as if he was enjoying it. In truth, he really did feel much better. Whatever Sakura was doing was working way better than any of the useless pills he had taken.

 _But she should be training too_ , he thought guiltily, gazing at his two other students' exchange of fists.

"Why don't you go spar with those two, Sakura?" he said suddenly. Sakura's eyes widened for a moment before she sadly gazed down at the ground.

"I-I can't…"She told him solemnly.

"And why is that? You've really been helping me out, but I honestly wouldn't mind if you went to train with Sasuke and Naruto. Thanks to you, I'm feeling much better," he admitted with a genuine smile.

"It's not that. It's just…they're so strong and powerful. Compared to them, I'm nothing. A-and I bet they wouldn't even want to spar with someone as weak as me…I'd just get in their way." She finished with a whisper, her face tilted down and her fists tightly clenched. To Sakura, Naruto and Sasuke were like two peas in a pod. Even though they "hated" each other, their constant rivalry and fighting pushed the other to become even stronger. She hated to admit it, but she felt out of place, like the outcast she had been as a child. _I'm useless…_

"No." He softly gripped her chin and tipped it up, wiping away the tears that were trailing down her childishly round cheeks with a callused thumb. Kakashi couldn't bring himself to watch her break down without doing a single thing. He did what came to him naturally, perhaps influenced by the way his own father used to comfort him.

"Believe me when I say that you _would not_ get in anyone's way. For what it's worth, I think you have the best analytical skills out of all of my pupils. Let's not forget your near perfect chakra control either; with skills like that, you could become a great medical nin. And based off of the way you punch Naruto, I would definitely consider you strong; I would even be a bit _scared_ of you," he said lightly, "But don't forget that strength isn't only physical-You have to be mentally strong as well. I could honestly say that the guts to never give up are much more powerful than any type of high level jutsu like chidori or rasengan."

Sakura grinned brightly and wiped away the tears that had marred her face, sniffing loudly. _Maybe I am useful…I'm still going to train hard though! If not for me, then to make Kakashi-Sensei proud!"_

"Thanks Kashi-Sensei! You're the best!" She jumped onto his lanky frame and tackled him into a bear hug.

He sat there awkwardly, his eyes widening in surprise at the sudden gesture of affection. _Eh? What's this?_

After a few seconds of sitting stiffly, unsure of what to do, Kakashi slowly wrapped his lean arms around her waist and held her tightly, like a father would to a daughter. _She called me 'Kashi-Sensei'..._

He smiled to himself at the new nickname, a warm feeling spreading through his chest. Kakashi felt something that he had missed for years. He felt… **happy**.

Sakura pulled away and jumped onto her feet, still positively beaming.

"I'll go train with them right now Sensei!" she exclaimed, newly motivated. Kakashi glanced over her shoulder and watched his other rookies trudge toward them.

"Er…Well, It's kind of too late for that." He said, pointing behind her. Sakura jerked around, a bit disappointed to see her teammates approaching the tree that they were seeking shelter under.

"Aww…Guess it'll have to wait till tomorrow, then." She pouted.

"What'll have to wait till tomorrow?!" Naruto asked panting, his face sweaty and flushed. Both Naruto and Sasuke were standing in front of the two, exhausted from all the exercise.

"None of your business, idiot!" Sakura shrieked, glaring at him.

"Hey, you don't have to be a meanie!" Naruto pouted childishly, crossing his arms.

"WHAT'D YOU CALL ME?!" she exclaimed angrily, punching his head for good measure.

"OW, THAT HURT!" Naruto cried miserably, clutching his noggin. Kakashi groaned in annoyance, fed up with the constant fighting. _Is this how sensei felt about me and Obito?_

"Hey, knock it off you two! Keep fighting, and I won't take you out to lunch," He threatened. The three immediately turned toward their Sensei, Sakura in the middle of pummeling Naruto.

"Lunch?!"Naruto questioned disbelievingly, his eyes gleaming with excitement.

"Yes, Naruto, I was actually thinking about taking my students out to lunch." Kakashi put bluntly, shakily standing up from his spot under the tree.

He felt that he hadn't been the best teacher as of late; His inconvenient lethargy and tiredness was preventing him from doing that. As a result, his students were doing most of the work on their own, not even nagging him about why he was "lazier" than usual. Even if it was because they hadn't noticed, Kakashi still appreciated it.

"Hn. And you're actually going to pay for it too?" Sasuke deadpanned, crossing his arms.

"Of course I am. I'm not a cheapskate sensei who makes his own students pay for a meal that he invited them to." Kakashi gave them all a crinkle-eyed smile, scratching the back of his unkempt, silver mane. _You guys deserve this._

 _But you made us pay every other time!_ The three thought, their incredulity showing through their expressions.

"So where are we going to eat? Ichiraku sounds great, right?! I want ramen! Ramen!" Naruto exclaimed, too hyperactive for his own good.

"There's no way I'm eating that crap right now. How about that BBQ place?" Sasuke suggested, smirking at the fuming blonde next to him.

"Sounds great, Sasuke!" Sakura sided with her long-time crush, speaking before Naruto had a chance to retort.

"You too, Sakura? How could you betray me like that?!"Naruto cried, falling to his knees in agony. Kakashi chuckled at his antics. Naruto reminded him of a certain someone he used to know very well.

"Sorry, Naruto, can't always have it your own way, can you? Well, I guess it's decided then…BBQ it is." He prompted lazily, gesturing for them to follow him out of the training grounds.

"Yatta! I can't wait to eat lunch!" Sakura pumped a fist into the air, skipping beside Kakashi.

"It isn't better than Ramen, but I guess it'll do…" Naruto slumped on, upset that they weren't eating ramen, but excited to eat any kind of food.

"Hn. Whatever." Sasuke feigned indifference, but in reality, he couldn't wait to eat either. The exercise with Naruto had burned any calories that he'd consumed throughout the day.

With that, they continued to the BBQ restaurant, laughing and chatting loudly-and fighting, if you think about Naruto's relationship with his teammates- the entire way there.

* * *

The three walked through the curtains that hung in front of the entrance, greeted with the mouth-watering aroma of seasoned meat.

"Hurry, hurry! Let's find a place to sit!" Naruto cried, a hand resting on his rumbling stomach.

"Ever heard of patience, dobe?" Sasuke muttered, loud enough for Naruto to hear.

"What did you say teme?!"

"I can say it as many times as you'd like. Ever heard of patien-"

"I KNOW WHAT YOU SAID SASUKE-TEME!" Sakura face-palmed at their childish arguing. But it wasn't like she hadn't done her fair share of the same thing.

"Enough! Geez, we're in a restaurant." Kakashi scolded. The two angrily turned away from each other, pouting and crossing their arms.

After capping a lid on his emotions, Kakashi sauntered through the shop with the rest of his team, skimming the room for an empty booth.

"FOREHEAD!"

"INO-PIG!" Sakura screeched, her eyes glinting dangerously. _Wait, isn't that what she called Asuma's student?_ Kakashi thought uneasily.

Kakashi turned around and was met with the sight of Sakura glaring pointedly at a blonde kunoichi he remembered seeing at the chuunin exams. _Ino Yamanaka…_

In his haste to find a place to sit with his students, he hadn't even noticed Asuma's team sitting in a booth, chowing down on seasoned strips of beef and bowls of rice. The two teams awkwardly stared at each other, before Kakashi started to walk away. _I don't feel like greeting them._

"Kakashi, wait!" Asuma called, his eyes uncharacteristically wide. He had gotten up, his hands planted firmly on the table. Kakashi turned and raised an eyebrow, his attention successfully taken away from the book he was mindlessly skimming over. _What now…?_

"You're here anyway, so come and join us," he said, demanding it more than asking him.

Kakashi barely hung out with any of the other Jonin anymore, so there was starting to be slight speculation that he was angry at all of them for some unknown reason. Asuma, along with the other Jonin-senseis thought the same thing, not knowing that he _really_ wasn't socializing with them because of how crappy he'd been feeling as of late.

 _Is it because I said Icha Icha tactics is a book for perverts?_ Asuma thought nervously, awkwardly waiting for Kakashi's response.

"Hm…I guess that'd be alright," he said nonchalantly, tucking the book back into his pouch.

Team 7 scooted into the bench across from Team 10. Kakashi signaled for the waitress to come over and take their order: the same thing as Asuma, but a bit less. Fortunately for him, Chouji wasn't on their team.

"So, Kakashi…How are you doing?" Asuma asked awkwardly. Conversations, especially with someone like the Hatake, weren't really his forte.

"I'm fine. You?" he replied listlessly, itching to pull out his book again.

 _Man, this is troublesome as hell,_ The Sarutobi thought uncomfortably.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm good…Listen, are you mad at us or somethin'?" he said uneasily. Kakashi quirked an eyebrow, slightly cocking his head in confusion. _Where did this come from?_

"Of course, not. Why would I be mad at you?" Asuma looked at him in surprise, thinking that Kakashi would surely mention the book or something else, at least. _So I did this all for no reason. I don't get this guy…_

"Kurenai and Gai were saying…Oh, never mind… A lot of people are thinking the same thing, and I really can't blame them either. With the way you've been avoiding us lately, it _does_ seem like you're angry." Asuma explained, shifting in his seat.

 _Oh, so that's why he said that. I haven't been coming out because I've felt sick, but they think I'm avoiding them…_

"No, no, I'm not mad at all,"Kakashi chuckled, "I've just…been busy lately."

The waitress came with the dishes Kakashi had ordered and set them down on the table. His three students immediately reached for a plate and a pair of disposable chopsticks, ready to eat. They piled their meat onto the grill, impatiently waiting it for it to cook, and heaped a generous serving of rice onto their plates.

"ITADAKIMASU!" Both Naruto and Sakura screamed in unison, clapping their hands together in a prayer before tucking into the meal. Sasuke also started on his lunch, but just wasn't so loud about it.

Kakashi eyed the grilling meat in distaste, his plate devoid of any food. His stomach was still a bit uneasy from before, and he didn't want to vomit again, at least not in front of them. And if he scarfed down his whole meal like he usually did in public (he didn't want to expose his face), he was sure that it would just come right back up.

"Why aren't you eating anything, man?" Asuma asked, his mouth full of freshly grilled beef. He had noticed his fellow Jonin sitting there without any food, looking bit lost.

"Ah, I'm not too hungry…"Kakashi told him, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head. Asuma gave him an unimpressed look.

"So you're going to buy all this food and not _eat it_? At least eat _some_ of it, or else you'll be wasting." He told him practically, returning to his own meal.

At that moment, Sakura turned to face her sensei, who she was sitting right next to, and gave him a wide smile.

"I just remembered, sensei! You didn't have breakfast, right? Here!" she said obliviously. Sakura picked up a few of the slices of meat she had set on the grill and slid them onto his plate, adding a bit of rice for good measure. He looked down at his heaping plate in disbelief, almost nauseated by the sight of it. _Shit, now I have to eat it, don't I?_

"Er…thanks, Sakura. You didn't have to…"he said tensely. _You_ _ **really**_ _didn't have to…_

"That's what students are for, Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura turned around to Sasuke, once again attempting to flirt with him. Kakashi gulped loudly, his hands trembling underneath the table.

"Well? Aren't you gonna eat it?" Asuma questioned from across him, having witnessed the whole thing. _He didn't eat breakfast and he's_ _ **still**_ _not hungry?_ The jonin thought in confusion.

Kakashi sighed deeply. He had no choice; if he didn't eat, then Asuma, if not all of them, would know what's up. The copy nin picked up the chopsticks and cracked them open, his palms sweating underneath the black gloves that covered most of his hands. _I don't know if I can do this…_

"Itadakimasu…"he muttered, deflated. When Kakashi saw an "opening", he quickly pulled down his mask and stuffed all the greasy meat and sticky rice into his mouth, chewing faster than his mouth was used to. He yanked the cloth back up his face, still forcing his jaws to mechanically chomp on the food and swallow it.

Right away, Kakashi knew he had made a huge mistake. The oily texture of the meat just felt _wrong_ to him. The clumpy rise stuck to the roof of his mouth. Every time he attempted to swallow, trying to force the meal into his stomach, he _gagged_.

"You okay, man?" Asuma asked tentatively, noticing how pale and sweaty his friend had gotten. _Woah, his plate's empty. When did that happen?_ He thought in amazement, not even seeing him take a single bite.

Kakashi quickly gulped the leftover contents in his mouth, willing himself to not lose his meal.

"Y-yeah, I'm fine." He choked out, making it fairly obvious that he was _not._ Kakashi slumped back into his seat, a hand resting on his bloated stomach. After countless days of avoiding food, or just not being able to eat it, he wasn't taking the sudden meal very well. _I wish I could eat normally again…_

The waitress walked over, the checkbook in her hand. Asuma took it and stuffed in a few notes to pay for his team's meal, before setting it down in front of Kakashi.

"Sorry, man. I would pay for you, but this meal has wiped out my wallet."Asuma sighed, side-glancing at Chouji.

"It's not like I would let you pay for me anyway." Kakashi said playfully, sitting up and pulling out his own wallet. He neatly tucked his bills into the book and softly put it back onto the table. Looking around, he noticed that everyone, even Chouji, had finished eating, and were now just loudly talking amongst themselves.

"Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. Kurenai, Gai and I were going out for some sushi tonight. Everyone wants you to come, man." Asuma said coolly, waiting for a response-more of an affirmation, really.

"I don't know about that…"Kakashi grimaced, remembering how hard the BBQ was to scarf down. Asuma frowned at his response, seriously wondering if he was angry with them.

"I wasn't asking, you know. You're _going_ to come, even if Gai has to drag you there. Like, it's been so long since we've just _chilled_ together, and Kurenai seriously thinks you have some kind of beef with her. Besides, there'll be sake. You'd better be there by six."

"Fine." Kakashi grumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Oi, guys, it's time to go." He told his team, massaging his temples. Kakashi slipped out of the booth, debating if he should wait for his his students or just head home alone. Naruto and Sakura sullenly slid off of the bench, wanting to socialize a little more. Sasuke silently obliged, not really caring.

"Ja ne." he said blandly, waving to Team Asuma before turning to walk out of the restaurant, his three students running to catch up with him.

Once outside, he quickly bid goodbye to his team, and after refusing their offer to get ice cream from the local vendor, Kakashi trudged home.

* * *

 **Authors Note:** So, what do you think? Good? Bad? OK? Terribly terrible? Please, please, leave reviews! And I know it's pretty boring and cheesy right now, but trust me, it will get better in the later chapters.


	4. Chapter 4: Cold Sushi

Chapter 4: Cold Sushi

I clumsily tried to unlock the door to my apartment, fumbling with the keys. After several ungraceful attempts, I opened the door with a click and staggered in, shutting it loudly behind me.

I shuffled into my small room, ready to lay low for a few hours. _Bed_ , I thought, no questions asked.

After carelessly kicking off my shoes, I heavily flopped onto the mattress face down, my arm hanging loosely off the side.

The walk home had tired me—scratch that—completely _drained_ me. I didn't like it one bit; I _hated_ that the meager journey to my apartment had exhausted me of most of the stamina I had built up over the years. How pathetic _._

To say I felt terrible would be an understatement; the pain I was feeling was making me absolutely **miserable** _._ My current headache made all the other ones seem like a _joke_.

I tossed and turned on the bed, desperately trying to quench the excruciating fire in my head. Completely forgetting that I shouldn't move, I stiffly sat up, squinting my eyes as my vision blurred. This was not like the previous headaches I'd experienced, I knew that much.

I couldn't hear anything but a dull ringing and the sound of blood roaring through my ears. I felt myself gasping and wheezing every time a sharp throb drilled even further into my sensitive skull.

I didn't know what triggered it. It could've been the walk, to my utter chagrin. Or the fact that I'd actually socialized today instead of immediately heading home. Whatever it was, I knew it was just **too much** for me to handle.

I pulled my mask down and regurgitated the heavy meal I had consumed earlier all over my covers, the urge to vomit too sudden for me to even scoot to the trashcan by my bedside. I didn't stop myself from crying and shaking this time.

I numbly pushed my disgusting, shuriken-patterned covers to the floor. In the past few weeks, I had learned to shove the inevitable pain to the deepest part of my subconscious, even when it gradually got more and more intense. But this—I just couldn't _bear_ it. I would die before I could even consider this as normal, before it could become a part of my everyday life.

"I can't…do this…anymore…" I said panting. Whatever this was, it hadn't been showing _any_ signs of going away at all. If anything, it had been getting worse. I couldn't do this my whole life. I _couldn't_.

"I can't fight a Genin…I can't eat a meal without bringing it back up…I can't even take a simple walk home without feeling exhausted…" I whispered lowly, ashamed of myself. How would I hide the fact that I'm not even a worthy ninja anymore from the rest of the world?

"What the hell is wrong with me?" I slammed a fist onto the hard wood of my headboard. The pain coursing up my arm went unnoticed in comparison to the overpowering headache. _How do I make this go away?_

In a desperate, almost trance-like state, I pulled a familiar bottle out of my vest pocket. _If I take enough…They'll numb the pain._

I slowly removed the lid and dumped the remainder of the pills into my palm, barely able to contain them in my grasp with how badly my hands were shaking.

I grabbed the bottle of water that I had brought along with me, and using my teeth, I screwed off the plastic cap and spat it across the room.

My eyes darted back to the pile of uniform pills resting in my palm. I wasn't so sure if I could do this anymore… A tiny voice in the back of my mind urged me to put the medicine back in the bottle and hope for the best. What if I took too much and caused some sort of irreversible damage. What if I…died?

No. There was no time for second thoughts. I had already decided what I was going to do, and frankly, I didn't care what it was as long as it made the pain _go away_. **I was going to do this.**

I carelessly threw all of the white tablets into my open mouth, quickly gulping some water to make them easier to swallow. My throat rebelled against them immediately, not being able to handle so much at once.

After painfully choking for a bit, I gulped hard, forcing the drugs down whether my body liked it or not. The lump slowly slid down my gullet; I was past the danger of choking. Soon enough, they would reach my stomach and take effect. The job was done. Irreversible.

My eyes were wide open, blankly staring at the utilitarian walls of my bedroom. I didn't know whether to stick two fingers down my throat and bring everything back up or just lay back and wait for the pills to take effect. I wasn't sure if I'd just made a huge mistake or did the best thing I could've done in the past few weeks.

But it was too late to reflect on my actions. My vision was starting to fade around the corners, fuzzy, black dots obscuring my view of the white walls. I gasped and shut my eyes, tightly gripping the sheets.

The blood from my head drained to my legs, and the room started to spin, scarily so. I didn't feel my headache anymore; I couldn't feel _anything_ anymore.

I felt myself fall backward onto the feeble mattress, my spindly limbs splaying out in random directions on either side of me. My consciousness faded more with each passing second, the low ringing in my ears becoming louder and louder.

 _I don't want to die…_

* * *

Kurenai, Asuma and Gai sat at a table in the small, but renowned sushi restaurant that they had arranged to meet up at that night. Their dishes and bottles of Sake were neatly set out in front of them, but they had yet to put any food onto their empty plates.

They had planned to start eating when everyone was there, so they were waiting for just one more person: The infamous Kakashi Hatake, who was notorious for always being late.

"There's fashionably late and then there's just plain old Kakashi late."Asuma mumbled under his breath, pulling out a new cigarette to light. Although they had anticipated his tardiness, it was getting slightly annoying after holding back for an hour.

"Shouldn't we go and check on him now? I mean, what if something happened to him…"Kurenai asked worriedly, imagining all the terrible things that could've occurred.

"Nah, I think he's probably-"

"It is decided then! I will go and fetch my rival!" Gai declared, abruptly getting up from his seat. _Geez, he didn't even let me finish_ , Asuma thought, annoyed.

"We're coming too, then." Kurenai got up from her seat as well and tugged Asuma up by the wrist, not noticing the faint blush dusting across his tan cheeks at the contact.

"No, I'll go alone. Someone needs to watch the food," Gai told them. Kurenai nodded in understanding and plopped back into her seat.

"Shunshin no jutsu!" Gai made the telltale hand signs and vanished in a puff of smoke.

* * *

Gai's sandaled feet tentatively touched the carpet underneath Kakashi's bedroom window. His position in the quaint space provided him with a perfect view of the bed.

To say that he was surprised to find his rival sleeping in it would be an understatement. Gai stepped over the crumpled blanket on the floor and leaned in to get a closer look at his friend. His mask was pooled around his neck, exposing his pale visage. Drool escaped through his slightly parted mouth, dampening the sheets below him.

Gai gaped at his face, burning with jealously at how handsome he was. He'd always thought that Kakashi was hiding some terrible secret under that mask of his, like buck teeth or blimp lips. But his lips were small and delicate looking, like a doll's; nothing he had expected them to be like. And he didn't even have buck teeth! _At this rate, he'll get all the ladies!_ Gai thought in exasperation.

*rumble, rumble*

Gai gripped his empty stomach, momentarily distracted from his rival's face. He was famished, and sushi was sounding terribly good at the moment. _I need to get him outta here quickly! I can't wait to eat any longer!_

" **KAKASHI, GET UP!"** Gai shouted without a moment's hesitation. Kakashi ignored him, not even twitching a finger. The spandex-wearing ninja's face fell in annoyance. How could his rival be so _not_ youthful?

"Wake up, wake up, WAKE UP!" Gai gripped one of Kakashi's shoulders and shook him violently, this time eliciting a small groan out of him.

"And you call yourself my Rival?! This is the springtime of our youth! We need to get up! See the world! Enjoy food! Smell nice things!" Gai lectured loudly, his mouth right next to Kakashi's ear.

The copy nin curled into himself and gripped his stomach, moaning at the pain radiating from it. It was true that he'd passed out, but he had begun to gain consciousness around the time Gai decided to show up…

"AHHH, GET YOUR BUTT OUT OF—"

"Leave me alone, dammit…" Kakashi muttered under his breath, shifting his position on the mattress. Gai's features scrunched up in frustration; he was vexed at how difficult his friend was being. _Ugh, I'm so hungry!_

"If you don't get up now, I'll carry you there!" Gai threatened, tugging Kakashi's arm in an attempt to pull him into sitting position. The copy nin roughly shoved him away and sat up by himself, angrily squinting at the person who was bugging him.

"Did I _stutter_?!" He exclaimed loudly, rubbing his eyes in annoyance.

 _Why's_ _ **he**_ _here?_ Kakashi thought, quickly yanking his mask up.

"You didn't seriously forget, did you? You were supposed to come eat sushi with us!" Gai exclaimed in exasperation, his hands on his hips.

"Uh…" _Oh, shit. I did forget…_

"Listen, Gai, I really don't think I can handle—"

"You're coming!" Kakashi's "rival" grabbed him by the armpits and pulled him into standing position, ignoring his blatant protests.

"O-Oi, wait! At least listen to me!" Kakashi cried out, clutching his burning stomach.

"Shunshin no jutsu!"

With one of his arms tightly locked around Kakashi's, Gai teleported them both to the restaurant where their friends were waiting.

* * *

Gai arrived outside of the restaurant in a cloud of smoke. With an unintentional death-grip on Kakashi's arm, he flew inside, scanning the room for their table.

"Over here, guys!" Kurenai called out, waving at the two of them. Gai smiled brightly and headed over with Kakashi in tow, ignoring how one of the copy nin's trembling arms were gripping his midsection.

Gai Immediately plopped into a seat, drooling at the sight of the sushi. Kakashi slowly slid into a chair, gulping down the bile that had rushed up his throat at the sight of the food.

Asuma observed him with a furrowed brow, noticing how alarmingly different he looked from just a few hours ago. His already fair visage was as pale as a paper, and beaded with sweat. The copy nin's poor posture was even worse; he was slumped forward, as if he were in pain. All in all, he looked terrible.

"Well, we might as well get started on the food, right?" Kurenai suggested, a faint smile on her face.

"Yea…I'm starved,"Asuma admitted sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head.

"We shall! I must replenish all of my youthful energy!" Gai announced passionately, rubbing his hands in anticipation.

Kurenai grinned and served the three male ninja, piling a generous serving of the raw dish onto each of their plates. Asuma and Gai immediately tucked into the meal, absolutely ravenous after waiting for so long. Kakashi grimaced at their famished behavior and looked down at his lap, keeping his dark eyes away from the sight of his own sushi.

"Why aren't you eating, Kakashi?" Kurenai asked worriedly, noticing how distant he was.

She watched him stiffly look up at his food and pick up a pair of wooden chopsticks. He blanched at the sight of it, his face twisting into a look of pure disgust. _I think I'm going to be…_

His chopsticks loudly clattered to the table, causing the three jonin to snap their gazes toward him. Kakashi tightly clutched his abdomen with the same shaky hand that had dropped his eating utensil.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Asuma demanded sternly, his attention taken away from the plate in front of him.

The Hatake's eyes widened as bile rapidly climbed up his throat, his stomach turning relentlessly. He clumsily slid off of his dusty chair and stumbled to the bathroom, the door swinging close after he bolted through it. Gai and Asuma got up swiftly and quickly followed him in, leaving Kurenai to wonder what the hell was happening.

The two male ninja ran into the bathroom, scanning the line of stalls to find Kakashi. The loud sounds of painful retching didn't make it hard to.

They found him hunched over a toilet, his hands clutching the bowl so hard that they were white.

"Oi, why didn't you tell me you were sick?!" Gai exclaimed. He hurried over to his rival's side and gently started to rub circles on his tensed back.

 _I tried…_ Kakashi thought miserably. He wasn't exactly able to talk at the moment; he was too busy violently spilling his stomach's contents into the porcelain toilet bowl.

Instead of the bitter, acidic taste that usually overwhelmed his palate when he threw up, his mouth was flooded with a metallic, coppery liquid; one he recognized too well as a ninja.

After vomiting all that he safely could, Kakashi was left dry heaving, gasping in pain every time he gagged.

"That's enough. You're done," Asuma uttered, putting a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder. Kakashi obviously had nothing to bring up anymore. The said ninja tilted his head up and tiredly leaned against the wall separating the small space from the other stall. He wiped his wet lips and glanced at his hand afterward, gasping at the liquid that glistened on the metal protector of his gloves.

"Asuma! Look…" Gai cried uneasily, staring into the toilet that Kakashi had just thrown up in. The Sarutobi leaned forward to peer in, his eyes widening considerably when he saw what Gai was gaping at. A dark, red substance marred the porcelain walls of the toilet. The clear water was dyed a deep crimson, almost black, color.

"Blood..." Asuma whispered, silently closing the lid and flushing the toilet. The two glanced at the Hatake in worry, correctly deducing that instead of food, he had brought up blood.

His mask was still carelessly pulled down, granting them a perfect view of his mouth. Kakashi's lips were tinted the color of coffee grounds. A small dribble of the crimson liquid was slowly trailing down his chin.

"We need to get him to the hospital," Asuma decided. Gai nodded without hesitation, silently agreeing that Kakashi needed some kind of medical attention, and quickly.

"Can you stand, Kakashi?" Gai asked. There was no answer in return. The copy nin's eyes were closed shut, his breathing shallow and erratic. Gai gathered Kakashi's limp body in his arms, and hastily pulled his mask back up.

"Come on, we shouldn't waste any time. This could be serious," Asuma said sternly, stepping out of the tiny stall to let Gai through. The two Jonin, along with the unconscious copy ninja, hurried out of the bathroom to get to the hospital. Gai received many strange looks when he came out with a grown man in his arms, but with one glare from Asuma, everyone went back to eating.

"What happened?!" Kurenai exclaimed, shooting out of her seat when they passed by their table. The Kunoichi had been waiting impatiently for them to come out of the bathroom, and when they did, it was with an _unconscious_ Kakashi.

"I'll explain on the way. We're taking him to Tsunade," Asuma told her hurriedly, his eyes not leaving the Hatake's prone form.

"O-okay, I'm coming, too!" Kurenai decided, her brows furrowed and her eyes glinting with concern.

The three rushed to the hospital as fast as they could, running through the crowded streets and jumping over rooftops. Their sushi was left cold and forgotten.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Tell me how you feel about this!


	5. Chapter 5: Hospital

Chapter 5: Hospital

He opened a pair of unfocused orbs, wincing as they made contact with the harsh light above him. Looking around, he saw nothing but white. The smell of bleach and antiseptic tickled his nostrils, and he heard a steady, hypnotic beating.

Something was covering his face and it wasn't his usual mask. He lifted a hand, one that was attached to an IV, to his mouth, lightly touching what was shielding it from view.

 _An oxygen mask…_

Underneath the wrinkly, spotless sheets, he was wearing nothing but a thin, blue gown, his usual clothing nowhere in sight. Kakashi pulled the white blanket up to his chin, the lack of cloth on his body causing him to shiver.

Suddenly, the door swung open and Tsunade walked in, her heels clicking loudly as she walked to the IV pole next to his hospital bed to replace the emptying bag of fluids. She silently did her work with her back to him, ignoring his presence.

Kakashi, now fully awake, lifted his head from the pillows and turned toward Tsunade, expecting some kind of greeting. The hokage whipped around suddenly and roughly pulled off his oxygen mask, not even flinching when she saw his pale face. He gaped at the sudden action, unsure what to say.

"Would you care to explain what the hell you just did, Hatake?" She hissed dangerously, her manicured hands clenched into tight fists.

"…What?" he answered stupidly, the shock still etched into his expression.

"You know _very well_ what I'm talking about! You overdosed!" She exclaimed, her temper rising to the surface.

"I do hope that you know you could've **died** last night. But I guess you probably do, considering it was a freaking suicide attempt—"

"No. I wasn't trying to take my own life…" Kakashi interrupted, his gaze fixed on the needle inserted into his wrist.

" _What?"_ Tsunade asked in confusion. Why would he take the pills then? What other motive could he have?

"I took them because…the headaches. The headaches I told you about never went away. In fact, they've gotten even worse. That day…they were so unbearably bad that I didn't know what _else_ to do. But I regret it, I really do. I'm very sorry for worrying you, Lady Tsunade." Kakashi bowed his head in a sincere apology.

"That's a really stupid thing to do, brat, and you'd better not do it again, or else. But…Headaches? You mean to say they're still there?" Tsunade inquired curiously, silently forgiving him.

 _I thought that after a few days, they would surely stop bothering him. This certainly doesn't sound too good…_

"Yep, they are. Can you get rid of them?" Kakashi asked, cutting straight to the chase. Tsunade shifted her weight, her arms crossed underneath her chest.

"I'll have to look into that _after_ I'm done treating your stomach ulcers, unfortunately."

"Stomach ulcers?!" Kakashi exclaimed, a look of fear plastered onto his face. Tsunade chuckled.

"Well, what exactly did you expect? If you didn't die, then there's obviously going to be some complications. Just calm down, I've already healed them for the most part with my medical ninjutsu, so you're safe, and we've also gotten most of that Ibuprofen out of your system. But, you're still pretty weak, so just take it easy and rest here."

"Oh. So…when do you think I'll be well enough to leave?" Kakashi asked politely, sinking back into the covers. He pulled the blanket over his face as a temporary 'mask', exposing only his eyes. Tsunade squinted her hazel orbs, considering his question.

"Hm…Well, it's almost evening, so that makes it about a day since you've been here. You'll probably be good to go by tomorrow night."

 _Great… Now I have to stay in the hospital. Instead of relieving my pain, I've just caused more problems…_

Kakashi blinked his groggy eyes, struggling to stay awake. Although he had been unconscious for most of the day, he still felt strangely tired and sleepy.

 _It's the medication she's giving me…_

Tsunade watched him rebel against his drowsiness with slight amusement. _The poor kid's probably exhausted._

The hokage stepped forward and reached out a hand to his cool forehead, brushing back his silver bangs like a mother would to her son. He tensed up, not used to such affection.

She stood her ground, continuing to gently smooth back his hair. Slowly, he sank back into the pillows, closing his eyes in contentment. His breathing evened out and before he knew it, he had drifted off into a dreamless slumber.

"Get some sleep…You need it."

She retracted her hand and sauntered toward the door, dimming the bright, LED lights on her way out.

...

"Where is Hatake Kakashi's room?"

"It's the second one on the right, just down the hallway." The receptionist clarified with a smile, pointing in the direction of his room.

Kurenai, Gai, and Asuma nodded in thanks before treading to the copy nin's hospital room.

As soon as they finished training with their genin, the three jonin had rushed to the hospital, wanting to see for themselves if Kakashi was alright.

*Flashback*

Gai ran into the room that one of the nurses had ushered him into, plopping Kakashi onto the single white bed. Tsunade herself hurried in, Shizune by her side, assessing the situation with a serious gaze.

"What happened?" the hokage asked sternly, turning to Gai out of all people.

"I-I don't know! He was eating a-and then all of a sudden he started to vomit! Blood!" Gai tried to explain, making frantic gestures with his hands.

"Shizune! Run a diagnostic test on his GI tract! Look for any abnormalities."Shizune nodded briskly and set out to work immediately. She quickly pulled down the zipper of his vest and started inspecting his abdomen with her green chakra. The problem wasn't hard to diagnose at all; in fact, she caught it almost immediately.

"I found an ulcer on his stomach lining!" the assistant called, looking over at her teacher.

 _And a ton of undigested pills…_

In the brief glance she shared with the hokage, Shizune let her know that there was something important that needed to be told, but saying it in front of the other three jonin would be violating Kakashi's privacy as a patient. Tsunade nodded curtly, understanding her silent message.

"Leave, now! All of you!" Tsunade shouted, pushing them out the doorway. She slammed the door in their faces, leaving the three gaping jonin outside.

...

Tsunade stepped outside the hospital room, wiping the sweat from her brow. The three Jonin waiting outside perked up when they saw their hokage's face, relieved that they would finally be getting answers after patiently waiting for so long, but anxious that the answers would be "bad news".

"How is he?" Kurenai stepped forward, wringing her hands nervously. "He'll be fine,"Tsunade told them, a slight smile on her face at seeing them still there. The three Jonin sighed collectively, thanking the gods that their friend wasn't **dead** or something **.**

"But Hokage-sama! What was that thing you said about the...the-"

"Ulcers,"Asuma finished for Gai, having the same question himself.

"Oh, that? It was just a mild stomach ulcer, caused by a run of the mill bacterial infection. We've already healed him up, so at this point, we're just administering antibiotics,"Tsunade lied swiftly.

 _Man, that was close…I hope they don't see through my bluff._

"Well, can we see him?" Kurenai asked hopefully. Tsunade shook her head.

"Unfortunately, I'm going to have to say no. They're still finishing up in there… But you're free to come back later."

 _If I let them in, they're bound see Shizune pumping his stomach; a surefire sign that he overdosed._

"Now run along. He'll be waiting for you."

*End Flashback*

Kurenai pushed open the gray hospital door and slowly walked in, the two males following closely behind her. She sauntered over to Kakashi's bedside window and put a few daisies in the empty glass vase. The Kunoichi perched on the window ledge, leaving Gai and Asuma to sit on the hard, plastic chairs that had been left behind for visitors to use.

The three gazed at his sleeping form, not wanting to wake him up. The blankets were pulled up to his masked chin, his chest rising and falling with every soft, even breath he took. His dark circles were gone, nothing but a memory on his fair visage. Even through the freshly washed mask, they could tell that his lips were slightly parted. He looked peaceful; his serene demeanor was so candid compared to his usual show of indifference and boredom.

"When's he going to wake up?!" Gai cried impatiently, not being able to handle the silence that had spread across the room.

"Shut up! Let him sleep," Kurenai hushed him quickly, hoping that his jabbering hadn't woken Kakashi up.

"This is so troublesome…you're _both_ going to wake him up," Asuma said bluntly.

The copy nin slowly cracked an eye open, leaving the other one shut, of course. He lethargically glanced around for the source of the noise, surprised when he saw Gai, Asuma and Kurenai surrounding his hospital bed.

"What're you three doing here?" he croaked, voice raspy due to surviving on IV fluids since being admitted there. Three heads spun toward the new voice, their eyes wide at seeing him awake.

"Of course we're here! How could I leave my rival to suffer the pains of ulcers all **alone**! " Gai exclaimed, getting up from his seat. Asuma quickly pulled him down, an unimpressed look set on his face. _He didn't even know what they were until a few days ago_ …

Kakashi blanched at Gai's words. _Do they know I overdosed?_

"Some bacterial infection, huh…I was wondering why you'd been losing your appetite at lunch. I guess that was the reason," Asuma said listlessly, looking out the window. Kakashi's eyes widened in confusion. _Bacterial…Infection?_

"You know, you could've told us if you were feeling sick. We wouldn't have forced you to come. Sorry, Kakashi…" Kurenai apologized, feeling terrible that they'd practically dragged him there, pushing him to the point of vomiting blood.

"Please, don't apologize. If you hadn't pressured me to come, then I would probably still be at home right now, in a condition much worse than this," he reassured her, a genuine smile on his face. _I would most likely be dead by now…_

Kurenai softly smiled back at him, glad that he wasn't upset with them.

"When do you get outta here, man?" Asuma drawled, in desperate need of a cigarette. One of the hospital policies was "no smoking".

"I'll be cleared to leave by tonight, without a doubt," he replied, remembering his conversation with Tsunade.

"Perfect, I've already planned it! We'll race to the hokage monument right after you get out! You'd better step it up though; it's 29 to 30, and I'm the one who's winning!"

*Everyone sweatdrops*

"Well, I guess I'd better go. I've got some errands to run, anyway." Asuma stood up and brushed the invisible dust off of his slacks. "I'll see you around, okay?"

The rest of them followed, Kurenai giving Kakashi a quick, one sided hug, being the only kunoichi out of all of them.

"Bye, Kakashi!" With that, the three of them slipped out of the room, leaving to do whatever they usually did in their free time.

Kakashi sighed and leaned back into the strategically placed pile of pillows, his arms resting above his head. As weird as it seemed, he still had a headache, even after getting a few days' worth of sleep. Although the throbbing was not nearly bad as it had been that night, it was still _there._

*knock, knock*

"I'm coming in," Tsunade told him, not waiting for an answer. She strolled inside, her ever faithful assistant, Shizune, at her side. Kakashi sat up in bed, trying to show respect to his hokage.

"How are you feeling?" Tsunade asked, crossing her arms under her chest.

"Um…I'm fine."

 _I already told her about the headaches before…telling her again would just be a bit annoying._

"We checked up on you earlier, while you were sleeping. You seem good enough to go home by tonight."

He didn't answer, his gaze fixed on the drab white wall in front of him. A trickle of sweat slid down his forehead.

 _What's this …feeling?_

"We fixed your ulcers with healing chakra, so you can virtually eat anything now, but to be on the safe side, avoid anything with alcohol or caffeine."

His eyes were wide and his complexion was unnaturally pale, a sudden wave of fear and apprehension passing over him. It was like something very bad was about to happen; he just didn't know what it was.

"And you definitely can't take Ibuprofen, or any similar pills for a while-"

A cry ripped out of Kakashi's throat and he fell back into his pillows, his eyes rolling back into his head. The copy nin's back arched up painfully, all of his muscles contracting of their own accord.

"Kakashi?!" Tsunade rushed to his bedside, her brows furrowing at his sudden loss of consciousness.

Their eyes widened in shock as Kakashi crumpled into a seizure, his whole body convulsing uncontrollably. He gargled for a proper breath as his arms and legs violently spasmed, rhythmically bending and relaxing at his elbows and knees.

"He's seizing! Turn him over!"

A few nurses brushed through the door and calmly rushed over to the bed, grabbing parts of his twitching frame. With the extra help, they were able to turn Kakashi onto his side.

After a few minutes of nervously waiting for Kakashi to stop jerking, he finally let out a deep sigh and fell limp onto the bed, the worst of the seizure ending. Tsunade walked over to his IV pole and inserted some muscle relaxants into the pouch, knowing that his whole body would probably be in pain when he came to.

Shizune hesitantly pulled down his mask and separated his lips, letting the spittle that had gathered in his mouth trickle onto the white sheets. Instead of fawning over his admittedly handsome face, she stuck to her job; providing her patients with comfort and the best treatment she had to offer.

"…What's…happening?" he whispered, eyes only half open. His silver eyebrows were turned up in confusion, and his whole body felt strangely stiff and achy.

Shizune grasped one of his clammy hands in her own and gave him a reassuring smile. She felt for him; she'd never had a seizure of her own, but she knew that they were one of the most terrifying, debilitating things one could experience.

"You're alright now, everything's fine," she told Kakashi, the hand that wasn't holding his resting on Kakashi's arm, gently rubbing back and forth.

"Can you tell me your name?" she asked, assesing his mental state.

"Kakashi…Hatake."

"Good Job, Kakashi. Now can you tell me…the names of your students?"

"I...can't..." The jonin's expression twisted into one of unmasked bewilderment. Why couldn't he remember the names of his students?!

"That's okay, you'll remember sooner or later," Shizune encouraged him, smiling kindly.

"…I'm hurting…" he rasped, slowly losing his grip on consciousness.

"Lady Tsunade's giving you some muscle relaxants. When they kick in, you'll feel better in no time," she reassured him cheerfully.

Kakashi didn't respond. An overpowering tiredness weighed over him. Sure he'd been exhausted after missions and such, but he'd never felt _this_ drained before. Shizune continued to stroke his arm, trying her best to comfort him. Kakashi's eyes drooped close, his breathing evening out.

"He's not leaving here tonight," Tsunade stated dryly, standing behind Shizune, who'd turned to face her teacher, a worried look set on her face.

"What are we going to do now, Lady Tsunade? This couldn't have been caused by the Ibuprofen…we already cleared his system of that…" Shizune said nervously.

"Just keep calm, Shizune, it's probably nothing too serious. Inspect his head for any injuries, and take some blood to check for any electrolyte or glucose imbalances." Tsunade started out the door.

"Wait, where are you going, milady?" The hokage paused and turned back to her assistant.

"I'm just going to check Kakashi's files. Now get to work." Shizune nodded and did as she was told, her green chakra hovering over his skull.

Tsunade brushed out the door and headed to her office, her pace picking up. She needed to see if he had some kind of underlying condition that could have caused the full blown grand mal seizure. Hopefully, it was just low levels of glucose, or something.


	6. Chapter 6: A Series of Tests

Chapter 6: A Series of Tests

"…Hanawa…Haruno…Hashimoto… **Hatake**. Found it."

Tsunade pulled out a bulky, manila file folder labeled _Hatake Kakashi_ out from the large file cabinet she was crouched in front of. She brushed off the dust and wasted no time searching through its contents, skimming over the yellowed pieces of parchment with her hazel orbs.

 _Now what can cause a seizure…?_

She flipped through the countless pages, rapidly scanning them for any significant information.

 _I'm probably wasting my time looking through his documents…I bet Shizune probably has a good reason by now. I really shouldn't be doing this. It's useless to focus on the most unlikely things._

She turned the last page and clapped the folder shut, getting virtually nothing out of looking through his files.

 _But…what if he has some kind of weird genetic disorder? I've heard of seizures being passed through families before…_

Tsunade neatly tucked Kakashi's folder back into its correct spot and in its place, she pulled out two older, even dustier ones.

 _Sakumo and Sayaka Hatake._

Setting Sayaka's much bulkier folder onto the floor, Tsunade gently opened Sakumo's, a feeling of sadness settling around her. The hokage could proudly say that she had been friends with Sakumo Hatake, although she hadn't really know his wife. They were ninja of the same caliber, except Tsunade was slightly more famous than the White Fang, being a legendary Sannin and all.

It had struck her hard when he commit suicide. While she was coping with her own grief after losing Dan, she'd completely ignored him, never once coming to him to make sure he was alright. It was only after she attended his funeral that she realized how deeply he had sunken into a depression.

Pushing the unwanted feelings back into the deepest part of her mind, Tsunade opened the folder and started sifting through the contents.

Tsunade sighed and shut Sakumo's binder. It didn't have anything that could give her proof of a genetic disorder. Well, at least that made it more likely that Shizune would find something before she did, which would make whatever caused Kakashi's seizure easier to fix. After putting Sakumo's papers back into their designated place, Tsunade picked up his wife's and began inspecting the bulk of documents that made it up.

With the help of a bold word written on the top of the first page, it came to her attention that Sayaka was no longer alive. **Deceased,** is what it read exactly.

 _She's dead…I've always wondered what happened to her…_

A shiny, black piece of paper slipped out of the binder and slid to the floor. Tsunade picked it up, recognizing what it was all too well.

 _An MRI scan?_

She gazed upon the paper, her eyes widening as she realized what it meant. It was a scan of someone's brain. Sayaka's brain. And invading its tissues was a mass the size of an orange.

 _A brain tumor…_

Tsunade studied the papers with a newfound interest. With a tumor that big, it was possible that Sayaka hadn't been killed in action like she had previously assumed.

 _Craniotomy to remove tumor in right temporal lobe…six weeks of radiation and combined chemotherapy…died of recurring tumor…_

To sum it up, her suspicions had been confirmed. Kakashi's mother had passed away due to brain cancer.

* * *

Tsunade trudged down the hallway, pausing outside of the copy ninja's hospital room.

 _I bet it's nothing…_

She softly opened the door and entered, finding Shizune sitting by Kakashi's bed, lost in her own thoughts.

"Shizune." The hokage's apprentice shot out of her hard plastic chair to face the hokage.

"Yes, milady!"

"What did you find?" Tsunade asked coolly, hiding her anxiety.

"He doesn't have any injuries. His blood tests were normal," she started timidly.

"What? So you're saying there's _nothing_ wrong at all?" Tsunade asked sternly. She had expected Shizune to tell her _something._

"Well, there is one thing. When I was examining Kakashi's head with my chakra, I found that there was a rise in intracranial pressure…"

 _That can happen when someone has a…No, Kakashi does_ ** _not_** _have a brain tumor. It's highly unlikely…_

"How are we going to treat it, Lady Tsunade? If we don't, this can become dangerous-"

"As soon as he's conscious, get an MRI done," Tsunade uttered defeatedly, her gaze directed on the floor, "Shizune…did he have any bleeding in the brain?"

"No, Lady Tsunade."

"Is there anything else that you would like to tell me? Anything Important?"

"No, there is not. Lady Tsunade…Is there something wrong?" Tsunade looked up suddenly, surprised that her apprentice was asking such a question.

"...Kakashi's mother…She had brain cancer," The hokage said softly. Shizune's eyes widened in realization.

"But that doesn't mean that he has it…" she told her teacher, trying to reassure her that Kakashi was fine. The hokage just spun on her heel, heading for the door. Before leaving though, she looked back at her apprentice, hand on the door knob.

"Just do the MRI tomorrow nonetheless. There's only so much that we can detect with medical ninjutsu."

* * *

"Good Morning, Kakashi!" Shizune said happily, a tray of breakfast in her hands.

Kakashi rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and sat up, grunting in pain. Frankly, he felt as if he had been run over by a truck. The medical nin handed Kakashi the tray and fluffed the pillows behind him, allowing him to lean back.

"Take it easy. Don't exert yourself too much," Shizune told him, the doctor in her rising to the surface, "Now eat your breakfast. If I'm what's stopping you, then I'll go…"

Shizune wasn't an idiot; she knew that to eat, he needed to take his mask off. The medical nin wanted to stay there and explain to him what had happened yesterday, and what they were going to do about it today, but if she was preventing him from consuming a fulfilling breakfast, then she would gladly take her leave.

"No…you can stay," he croaked after a few moments of pondering silence. Kakashi didn't remember much from the past day, but he did recall the soft touch of her soothing arm, and how she had stayed by his side to provide him with comfort. Kakashi appreciated that even when Shizune had taken his mask off, she didn't take advantage of his vulnerability.

Her eyes widened in surprise, but she ended up beaming at him. He gave a small, crinkle-eyed smile in return. Kakashi eyed his hearty breakfast of rice porridge, miso soup, and fluffy rolled omelette, for once actually feeling hungry. After surviving on IV fluids for two whole days, who could blame him?

Succumbing to the needs of his stomach, he hesitantly pulled off his mask and picked up his chopsticks, raising his hands in a small thanks. Shizune watched him eat, her lips turning up into an amused smile as he picked up his pace after the first bite, practically inhaling the rest of the meal.

"So…I see I'm still here," Kakashi said, setting down his chopsticks and pulling his mask back up, a hand resting on his contented stomach.

"We couldn't just let you leave. You had a seizure yesterday. A grand mal seizure, to be exact," Shizune told him grimly.

"Why did I have a seizure?" the copy nin asked, his brows furrowing in the same confusion he had felt yesterday. He hated that something was happening to him, and he didn't know what it was.

"It's hard to say, honestly; there could be multiple reasons. To rule one of them out, you're going to have an MRI scan in a little bit," Shizune explained professionally, leaving out the part where they had tested him for all of the common things that could've caused it, and in the end, came up with no sufficient explanation.

"…an _MRI scan_? Shouldn't you have done all the normal tests on me first? Why jump straight to that?" he inquired skeptically, narrowing his eyes in suspicion. Shizune sighed. _Of course he would ask that, being the copy ninja and all._

"Fine, then. The truth is…we've already performed all of the "normal" tests on you, and they don't reveal anything. That's why Lady Tsunade ordered an MRI scan…"

"And this reason you wanted to rule out? Is it something…serious?" Shizune shifted uncomfortably.

"We're doing the MRI scan…to make sure you don't have any brain tumors." Kakashi's eyes widened considerably in shock.

"Look, none of us can afford to think like that. And it's actually very unlikely that you have any," she reassured him. He relaxed a bit, although the anxiety still hovered over him.

"When do I have to do it, then?"

"One of the nurses will take you there when it's time," she explained to him.

"Wait, why can't _you_ take me there?" He didn't want to go with some random nurse. At least he _knew_ who Shizune was.

"Sorry, but that's not possible; I'm your radiologist," she chuckled, her eyes creasing as she smiled, "Well, I need to go and prepare the machine. Make sure you take off all jewelry, body piercings, and similar 'metallic items' beforehand."

Shizune got up, her back facing him as she headed toward the door.

"Ja ne." She gave a small wave behind her, the door flapping shut after she left.

* * *

"It's time for the MRI, sir!" A nurse said from the doorway. She was fairly short in comparison to him, her appearance almost childlike, even though she was blatantly a woman. Short brown locks framed the sides of her cheery, round face, and her shiny irises looked at him expectantly.

Kakashi snapped his book shut and set it on his bedside table, before yanking off the comforter and sliding his legs over the side. He got up with a grunt, his body still painfully sore from the aftermath of the seizure.

"Would you like a wheelchair, sir?" the nurse asked nervously, noticing how difficult it was for him to even stand.

"No, I can walk," he said abruptly. The nurse nodded and handed him a pair of long, cozy socks with grips on the bottom so that he could make the short trip without dirtying his feet. Although he wished for his actual shoes, he didn't argue and quickly pulled them on.

This was the first time in two days that he had ventured outside of the hospital room. He didn't really need to leave anyway; it had an attached bathroom and shower, so he was able to do all his "business" in peace.

They made most of the trip in awkward silence, the nurse leading the way and Kakashi silently trudging behind her. To get to the radiology room, they had to take the elevator to the second floor and walk through the oncology ward, and it was getting pretty uncomfortable since Kakashi refused to make proper conversation with her.

"So how old are you?" The nurse asked him playfully, falling into step with him.

"Hasn't anyone told you that it's rude to ask people their ages?" he replied flippantly, his lidded eyes gazing forward.

"Okay, sorry. What's your name, then?" she inquired with a grin.

"Kakashi…" he uttered dully, not even bothering to mention his surname.

"My name's Kotomi Hagiwara!" she told him excitedly, reaching out to shake his hand. He stood there for a few moments before stiffly taking her hand and shaking it softly, out of kindness. She quickly retracted it and turned away, her cheeks dusted a shade of pink.

"Say…are you single?"

He mentally cringed at her question, eyes widening.

 _Ew...Is she flirting with me? What am I supposed to say?!_

"Er…Yes?" he answered reluctantly. She giggled and looked him over, blushing an even deeper shade of red.

 _Geez, what a pervert_ … he thought with an uneasy shiver. The thin, blue gown that he was still wearing ended right above his knees, so it exposed his pale, shapely calves, which made the situation even more uncomfortable.

 _God, where are my clothes when I need them?_

"Can we hurry up, please?" Kakashi prompted sternly. She perked up and started to their destination, not bothering him with any more questions.

Soon, they arrived at the destined door. Kotomi opened it and let Kakashi walk in before entering herself. The room was cold and dim lit, a huge, cylindrical machine, with a moveable bed pulled out of it, sitting right in the middle. On the left, there was a separated space with a tinted window, so Kakashi could not see that Shizune was inside of the room until she herself came to greet them.

"Well, you're finally here. I hope Kotomi didn't bother you too much," Shizune chuckled, earning a glare from the said nurse.

"Ah…she didn't…"

 _Yup, she annoyed the hell out of me._

"We should get started. You can leave, Kotomi. I'll take it from here." After giving Shizune a short nod, the petite nurse left the MRI room, shutting the door behind her.

Shizune strolled over to a small cabinet in the far corner and took out a syringe, pulling on a pair of vinyl gloves before heading back to the silver-haired shinobi.

"I need to inject you with this. It'll make the images come out better," she explained in layman's terms, gesturing for him to sit down on the examination table. He plopped down and extended a pale arm, giving her permission to do as she pleased. Kakashi felt a cool sensation spread around the spot where she administered the liquid.

"Lie down on the bed," she prompted, after disposing of the used needle. Kakashi eyed the bed—board, rather—in distaste. It looked more like a table, one that surgeries are performed on.

He silently complied, and with Shizune's help, he was able to situate his head in the rather uncomfortable head cage. The hokage's assistant stuffed two, small pillows by either side of his head, explaining that the sounds made by the MRI might get too loud.

"If you get too uncomfortable, just press this button. And if you want to talk, don't hesitate; we'll be able to hear," she explained to him, handing him the call button. Shizune spread a thick blanket over his legs, before raising the bed with a small button on the machine's front. Finally, she slid the table into the cramped tunnel. The only part of his body sticking out of the cocoon were the tips of his feet.

"You good?" Shizune asked, peeking into the machine once she was finished positioning him inside of it. He realized that he couldn't nod because of how stuffed his head was under the head cage and between the two pillows.

"Yeah…" Kakashi mumbled numbly. The kunoichi headed back to the separated room, shutting the door behind her.

It was only when she disappeared from his limited line of vision did he realize how alone he was in the cramped tunnel. And how claustrophobic he was getting.

The narrow walls and low ceiling stifled all of his movement, so all he could do was lay there as stiff as a board, his hands glued to his sides. The only noise he could hear amidst all of the silence was the dull sound of whirring fans; the source of the cooling system. Kakashi's wide orbs gazed up at the suffocating ceiling through the bars of his head cage, the harsh white light mercilessly glaring right back at him. A lone trickle of cold sweat dribbled down his forehead; he didn't dare raise a hand to try and brush it away.

"Hello, hello, testing one two three, this is Shizune, over. Are you there, Kakashi?" Shizune's playful voice crackled over the intercom, breaking the stifling silence.

"I-I'm here," he stammered after a few moments, releasing a breath that he hadn't realized he was holding. The fear and nervousness was evident in his shaky voice.

"Are you okay to start now? If you want out, don't hesitate to tell me, because I'll be able to hear through the microphones. It's your call," she said softly.

"R-ready…"

"Alrighty, then. Just hold still, Kakashi." Through the camera on her many computer screens, Shizune watched him tremble, his eyes wide and scared.

 _I'd never thought I would see Kakashi like this…_

 _I'm trying,_ Kakashi thought, unable to quench his irrational fear. As a renowned ninja, he had experienced torture and bloodshed without even breaking a sweat, so he didn't understand why he was getting so worked up over a petty scan.

"Close your eyes. Think about happy things," she told the copy ninja cheerfully, trying to infect him with her joyful attitude.

He shut his eyes tightly, gripping the blankets he was provided with as if his life depended on it. When Kakashi was still enough, Shizune progressed with the MRI. His eyes shot open at the sudden, high pitched squeal that rang around him.

"Sorry about that, it's just the scan. You'll have to live through it."

The noise lasted for another few minutes, before it died down, leaving the constant, dull whirring of the fans in its place. In the small room on the left of the machine, Shizune sat in front of her computer screen, the image formulating before her very eyes.

The picture was one of the side of his head. It was fairly normal, pretty much how the standard brain was supposed to look, with its wrinkly tissue and nice, round shape. The only thing that puzzled her was the abnormal looking mass that invaded it.

Shizune frowned and leaned into the screen, her brows furrowed at the aberration. She closed her eyes and rubbed them vigorously, hoping that she was just seeing things.

 _A…tumor?_ _No…It could be a shadow…_

She ran the scan several more times, trying it from various angles. It was all for naught; the same, blasted smudge was still there.

"Shizune…Are you almost done?" a deep, scratchy voice called out. After laying in the machine for nearly an hour, Kakashi wasn't too claustrophobic anymore; he was just starting to get a bit tired of hearing the same high pitched noise every time the hokage's apprentice ran the scan.

"Yeah…I'll get you out of there…" she whispered. Shizune shakily got up from her seat in front of the computers, her legs stiff and numb. She opened the door and trudged out to the machine, gulping down a sob.

The kunoichi numbly rolled the bed out and helped him out of the head cage, almost as if she was in a trance. He pushed the blankets off of his legs, palms sweaty from clenching them so hard. Even as Kakashi slipped off of the table, Shizune didn't look him in the eye.

"Uh…Shizune? When are we leaving?" he asked expectantly, an eyebrow arched at her shadowed face.

"Y-yeah, I guess we should leave now."

 _What's up with her?_ Kakashi thought curiously.

Shizune led him back to his hospital room, her eyes downcast and hidden from view, where he continued to read his several make out paradise books, just like he was doing before.

* * *

 **Authors Note:** Big surprise, wasn't it? I bet you can guess what'll happen next...Reviews are appreciated!


	7. Chapter 7: The Inevitable

**AN:** Hello! I just wanted to thank everyone who's been reading this and leaving replies, it really made me happy! Oh, and I also wanted to say that I am not a doctor by any means, so I apologize in advance if I get something wrong. Well, with that being said, have fun reading.

* * *

Chapter 7: The Inevitable

*knock, knock*

"Who's there?" the hokage asked, looking up from her work. Tsunade was seated in front of her desk at the hokage tower, ready to put away the papers and chug a few bottles of alcohol.

"It's me, Shizune…" a voice whispered from the other side of the door.

"Yes, come in. I've been looking for you, actually."

Shizune slowly walked in, her back turned to the hokage as she made sure that the door was closed shut. The kunoichi made her way over to Tsunade, gripping a manila envelope to her chest instead of her usual pet pig.

"What is it?" Tsunade asked sternly.

"Lady Tsunade…it's Kakashi…he…" Shizune looked up at her teacher, tears streaming down her pale face.

"What's wrong?" she asked sternly, getting up from her seat, her hands planted firmly on her desk at seeing her usually composed apprentice crying.

"Please…just look…" Shizune choked out, handing the hokage the folder she had been clutching. Tsunade took it hesitantly and sat back down at her desk, brows creased in apprehension.

She undid the metal tab and pulled the flap up, sliding her hand into its depths to take out the first of the many documents. After a few moments of digging in the envelope, she tugged out a dark, slippery piece of paper.

 _Oh, his MRI results…_

Tsunade repositioned it in her hands, shifting it so that she could see every wrinkle in the brain tissue as clearly as currently possible. Her breath caught in her throat when she took notice of the ping pong ball sized mass impinging on his most important organ. Tsunade's eyes bulged wide open, her mouth slightly parted in shock.

"Oh god…" The hokage dropped the paper onto her desk and spilled the rest of the envelope in front of herself, repeatedly going through each and every one of the pictures.

"Lady Tsunade…"

The hokage gripped her blond hair in frustration, pulling a few locks out of their loose ponytail.

"He even _told_ me he was having headaches…Why didn't I _listen_?!" she said to no one in particular, clenching her fists until they were white.

"If I'd caught this earlier on, then we'd probably be able to get it all out with surgery…but now… _dammit_!" She slammed a strong fist onto the table, the images scattering onto the floor.

"This is all my-!"

Shizune jerked forward and wrapped her hands around her teacher, her head digging into Tsunade's trembling shoulder.

"No…You couldn't have prevented the inevitable, Lady Tsunade. Now all we can do is fix this. We need to help him...as his doctors," She whispered, dampening the hokage's blouse with her salty tears.

"We have to tell him," Tsunade said firmly, lightly patting Shizune's back, but refusing to let any of her own tears spring out. Shizune sniffled and brought her head up, solemnly nodding in agreement as she wiped away the tear tracks.

* * *

"Kakashi…I'm coming in," Tsunade told him, before opening the door and entering, Shizune trailing behind her with a steaming cup of coffee in her hands.

The copy ninja quickly put his book on the side table, his hair still slightly wet from taking a shower in the small hospital bathroom. He had taken off the blasted hospital gown and slipped into his loose shinobi slacks, leaving on the black tank with the attached mask.

Tsunade walked over to the hard plastic chair by his bedside and plopped down, crossing her legs. Shizune quickly followed and took the other, careful not to lose a grip on the cup in her hands.

"Would you like some coffee, Kakashi?" Shizune asked nervously, offering him the cup.

"Uh…Yeah, I guess coffee sounds nice," he said, taking the steaming drink from her hands, raising a confused eyebrow at her kindness.

"So, what's up?" Kakashi asked, setting the beverage down on the side table for later. The two shifted in their seats uncomfortably.

For some reason, a strange sense of foreboding settled around him. Their behavior just didn't seem right…

"There's something we need to tell you…" Tsunade started intently, her hazel orbs locking with his. Kakashi's brows furrowed in question, but he said nothing. What was it that they needed to tell him about?

"Your MRI results came back…you have a…a…" Tsunade gulped, her palms sweating. Although the hokage had had to break bad news to many other patients and even their families, she just couldn't bring herself to hurt Kakashi like that…

"We found a… **abnormal mass** in your brain,"Shizune finished quietly, her voice very close to breaking.

The copy ninja's eyes widened in shock, all the color draining from his face.

"…What?" Kakashi uttered, his voice cracking.

"We're very sorry. We'll help you through this-"

"Is this some kind of _joke_? If it is, I'm not finding it very funny," Kakashi said seriously, cutting Shizune off. His eyes sparkled with hope, pleading that they weren't serious, that they were just pulling his leg.

"NO, it's not a joke, brat…Shizune's telling the truth…" Tsunade affirmed, the hands used to punch countless people resting lightly on his shoulders. He jerked away from the touch, the glimmer of hope rapidly fading away.

"No, you must be mistaken…this isn't possible…I don't smoke…and I don't drink _that_ much," he whispered in denial, tightly clenching the sheets, his damp, silver hair shadowing his eyes from view.

"You have a tumor, we're sure of it. But don't worry…we're going to treat you…you'll get better with treatment," Shizune told him softly, not sure if she was reassuring Kakashi or **herself.**

"To confirm that it is…cancer, we'll have to do a biopsy and a few more tests." Tsunade said the "c word" as if it were taboo. Kakashi flinched, his form trembling. He felt numb; a part of him didn't believe them— _couldn't_ believe what they were saying.

"…I want to be left alone… _please_ …" he breathed shakily. The hokage nodded in understanding and stood up, patting his rigid back.

"We'll talk about this more tomorrow."

Tsunade trudged toward the shut door, emotionally exhausted. Shizune slowly stood up, looking at Kakashi's form as if she had something to say. She opened her mouth to talk, but then shook her head sadly, following Tsunade outside.

Kakashi sat there in the same position for a few moments, not shifting in the slightest. He felt an intense emotion brewing in the pit of his stomach; anger, fear, confusion, shock—everything combined into a huge, indistinguishable ball of anxiety and panic.

He wanted to scream and rip his hair out; it was getting harder to sit there as still as a statue, acting as if everything was okay.

 _I need to get out…I need to get out. I need to get out of here! I NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS DAMNED HOSPITAL ROOM!_

He yanked the sheets back and shot out of bed, his eyes wide and frantic. Kakashi pulled on his sandals, not even bothering to put on a shirt over his tank top.

He couldn't stand the harsh, white lights. He couldn't deal with the crinkly bed sheets. He would come back later, but at that moment, he needed to _leave_.

Kakashi slid open the glass window by his bedside and jumped into the chilly night air. He ran over the rooftops, not knowing where to go, but not wanting to stop either. The copy ninja leapt onto the streets, sprinting for the sole purpose to ease the suffocating knot in his stomach.

It was evening, so the streets were bustling with all kinds of people. Civilians, and even shinobi, were having dinner with their significant others or shopping for warmer clothing, their laughs and jovial voices piercing through his ears. It didn't seem fair; how could they laugh like it was nothing?

He kept running, not stopping to look at anyone or even greet them. But soon, his lungs were not able to take in enough air to support his body.

He collapsed on to the ground, gasping for breath, his hands digging into the dry soil.

Kakashi crawled to a bush that was conveniently next to him and puked into the leaves, losing the breakfast he had eaten earlier, before the MRI.

 _Where am I?_ He thought, pulling his mask back up.

He wearily inspected his surroundings, recognizing the familiar place as the park he'd used to come to as a little kid. _I used to play here with Obito and Rin..._

Kakashi slowly got up, his legs wobbly, blood pulsing through them because of the run. After brushing the dirt off of his black pants, the copy ninja shuffled over to the swing set and gingerly set himself down on one of the many swings, his hands limp at his sides. Kakashi's legs overlapped on the ground; it was blatantly obvious that he was too tall and lanky to be sitting on a child's swing.

He sat there in wistful silence, remembering all the times he had come there as a kid.

*Flashback*

"Please, Daddy! I don't wanna go! I have no friends anyway…" Kakashi whined loudly, trying to break away from his father's firm grasp on his small hand. Sakumo sighed and crouched down so that he was eye level with his son.

"Look here, Kashi. You'll make friends if you go to the park and play with the other children. It's actually very simple; you just need to be kind, really," The white fang explained softly, smiling at his son. He stood up and gave Kakashi's pudgy hand a light squeeze before continuing down the narrow road to the local park.

Sakumo's son pouted and averted his eyes, succumbing to his father's wishes. He would have even defiantly crossed his arms over his chest if it weren't for his father's strong grip.

"Oh, there it is!" Sakumo said cheerfully, pointing to the lively playground in the distance.

"You know, your mother and I used to come here a lot before you were born," the white fang started softly, "She'd always look at the other kids and imagine you playing with them…"

Kakashi perked up noticeably at the mention of his other parent, his eyes wide as he looked up at his much taller father.

"Really?! Did she love me, Daddy?" the five year old asked, his eyes twinkling with something akin to childish curiosity.

The topic of his mother had always seemed interesting to him. When she'd passed away, he had been too young to even remember her face, so he tried to pry as much information about her that he possibly could out of his poor father.

Although he was content with only Sakumo, there was always a strange part of him that was missing, a hole that no amount of his Daddy's love would ever be able to fill. Seeing the other kids holding hands with their parents— _both_ of their parents—made him kind of…jealous.

"Yup. She loved you a ton, son," Sakumo said playfully, poking Kakashi's belly.

"Stop, Daddy! That tickles!" Kakashi giggled, his eyes closed as he laughed, overjoyed by the simple fact that his mother had **loved** him. Sakumo grinned at his son's high-pitched giggling, glad that he had gotten him to act like the child he was for once.

"Wait, I have another question!" Kakashi exclaimed in between fits of laughter.

"Ask away, Kashi." Sakumo brought his hand back to his side, ready to listen.

"…Um…how did Mommy die?"

The White Fang froze on the dirt path, surprised that his son would ask such a question.

"…That's…a question for another time, okay?" Sakumo said lightly, smiling to hide the sudden sadness clawing at his heart. That time never came, for Kakashi's father died before he could give an answer.

They carried on with the rest of the trip in silence, finally stopping in front of the playground.

Hearing the loud noises of childish laughter and squealing, and seeing the strange kids running around freely, Kakashi hid behind one of his father's legs, clutching it tightly.

"Hey, hey, no reason to be scared, son. Remember what I told you and you'll be fine, okay?" Sakumo told Kakashi, crouching down to his son's level. Kakashi looked away sullenly, still a bit angry at his father for making him play with the kids.

Sakumo poked him in the belly once again, chuckling as Kakashi unwillingly broke into a fit of giggles.

"Well, I'll pick you up in a little while. I just have to give a report to the Sandaime, so I'll be back soon. Have fun, Kashi," Sakumo said cheerily as he ruffled the young Hatake's silver hair, waving as he strolled away.

"Bye, Dad…" Kakashi whispered to himself, not bothering to wave back.

He looked back at the countless kids having fun, wondering how he would even be able to make a move. Kakashi gulped deeply and took a few tentative steps further into the park.

" _Tag_ , you're it!"

"AH, he's going to catch me!"

"Obito's so fast!"

The young Hatake realized that he didn't even know what this "tag" game was.

 _It's impossible to play with them when I don't even know the rules of the game…I can't do this…_

Kakashi dashed to the swing set and clambered onto one, his legs dangling off of the ground. He started to slowly rock back and forth, pudgy hands gripping the rope on either side.

 _I hope Daddy doesn't get mad at me…_

"Hey, you're Kakashi, right? We're in the academy together!"

Kakashi looked up to see a girl around his age smiling up at him, her wide eyes sparkling innocently. She had short brown hair that framed her round face, and her cheeks had distinct, purple markings on them.

 _Come to_ _think of it, I have seen her at school._

"I noticed you were all alone. Do you wanna play 'kick the can' with us? We need an extra person," She asked kindly, the bright grin still in place.

"Okay. I'll play with you," Kakashi agreed coolly, hopping off of the swing. _Now I'll have something to tell Daddy if he asks…_

"Oh, I almost forgot to tell you! My name's Rin Nohara."

*End Flashback*

 _I miss them…_

Kakashi gazed down at the unruly weeds sticking up from the soil, his head hung low. Although he certainly had the urge to break down after all that had happened to him on that day, he didn't let himself.

The usually composed shinobi was actually _confused_ for once. He didn't know where it would go from here. How much longer did he have? How many grueling treatments would he have to endure? Would it _hurt_?

The question that was probably the most prominent in his mind was, _Why me out of all people?_

He took a shuddering breath, clenching his fists until they were white. Although his life wasn't perfect before today by any means, at least he wasn't in danger of dying. Well, actually, he _was_ in danger of dying on a mission or in the midst of battle, but that was how he _wanted_ to leave the world. Passing on because of a tumor was not an end befit for a true shinobi…

"Kakashi-Sensei?" a very familiar voice uttered. Kakashi's eyes shot up, his face becoming guarded and impassive once more. How he hadn't noticed Naruto approaching him was beyond him.

 _God…where do I need to go to be left alone?_

A small part of his mind couldn't help but wonder what his student was doing at the empty park at such a late hour. The sky was deep, navy blue, and the only source of light around them was a humming street lamp and the moon itself.

"Naruto…what are you doing here?" he said gruffly, not even raising his head to look at the blonde genin.

"Oh, hehe…I just like to come here sometimes…" Naruto mentioned sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head and taking a seat on the swing next to Kakashi. Even his sensei noticed that his voice was more subdued than usual, nothing like how hyperactive and energetic he usually sounded.

"But what are _you_ doing here, sensei? I've never seen you here before. And where have you been for the past three days?! Every single day we wait for you and you never _ever_ show up!" Naruto started loudly, "You'd better be there on time tomorrow!"

"I can't…"

"Hey! If I can be there _early,_ then you can at least _be_ there, if not on time!" Naruto exclaimed in annoyance, jutting a finger at his Kakashi's slumped form.

"I can't. At least not until I'm out of the hospital," he stated dully, in a matter of fact way.

"What?! Why are you in the hospital? Did something happen?" Naruto asked curiously, leaning closer to to his sensei.

"…Nothing happened."

Kakashi got up numbly. After standing there for a few moments with a cringe worthy slouch, his back turned to Naruto, the jonin started to trudge away.

"Oi, wait! At least answer me before you leave!"

 _Yes, something happened, all right. I have a freaking tumor in my brain! I don't even know if I'll **live**!_

"Just a little stomach bug," he told the Uzumaki flatly, not bothering to make it sound believable.

"When are you getting out of the hospital?" Naruto asked obliviously, getting up from his swing as well. Kakashi paused.

"When I'm better."

He continued the walk back to his hospital room, his hands stuffed deep into his pockets. The chilly wind bit his bare arms, causing him to shiver.

After slipping through the glass window and quietly closing it behind him, he kicked off his sandals and tightly pulled the sheets around himself, his eyes wide and open in thought.

The copy ninja didn't get much sleep that night.

* * *

 **Authors Note** : Sorry if there are any grammatical errors, I'm not particularly skilled in that area. Anyway, I hope this doesn't seem too "ugh". If it does, then don't hesitate to tell me, I'll fix it!


	8. Chapter 8: Breaking Down

Chapter 8: Breaking Down

It was around six or seven in the morning of a new day at the hospital, and Kakashi was sitting up in bed, the white blanket pooled around his legs. Since Tsunade had let him retrieve some clothing from his home before the biopsy, he was now wearing a baggy, black jumper with a pair of loose fitting, cotton pants.

In the time that had passed since he had been told about the tumor in his brain, Kakashi had gone through several more scans, and had even endured a brain biopsy, using only local anesthesia throughout the whole procedure.

The nurse came in with tray of breakfast in her arms, balancing a bottle of pills on the platter as well. She pulled up the plastic "table" that was attached to his hospital bed and set down the dishes, picking up a cylindrical container.

"Here you go, Hatake-san. Please take these pills for your headaches," she prompted, handing him a glass of water and a carefully measured amount of the medicine.

Since regular OTC drugs, like the standard acetaminophen he had been using, were not working to ease his symptoms, Kakashi had started to take different, more effective pills. After the nurse left, he warily took the tablets, rinsing them down with a few measly sips of water.

 _There was a time when I didn't even have headaches…_

He picked up the wooden chopsticks and stared at the meal, listlessly mixing and combining the different dishes. The jonin wasn't hungry, even though he hadn't eaten correctly for a few days. His appetite had disappeared.

The door creaked open and Tsunade came in, alone. She softly walked over to his bedside and lowered herself onto one of the plastic chairs. Kakashi just pulled his mask back up, not even looking up from his tray to greet her, his eyes hardened and icy.

"Good Morning, Kakashi," Tsunade started, her gaze fixed on his form, even if he wasn't meeting her eyes.

"Same to you," he replied quietly.

"You know, you should eat. I've noticed that you've been losing weight," she told him with a tinge of concern in her voice upon seeing that he hadn't taken a single bite. What she said was true; during his stay at the hospital, he _had_ lost a few pounds, but you would only notice if you looked closely.

Kakashi didn't answer; instead he set down his chopsticks and turned to face her.

"Is there something you need to tell me, Lady Tsunade?" he asked coldly. Kakashi knew the hokage hadn't come in to his room just to say good morning and talk about his "weight loss". Tsunade crinkled her eyebrows at his lack of kindness.

"Your biopsy results are back," she started softly, ignoring his rudeness, "You have a grade III astrocytoma in your brain. In other words, you have Anaplastic Astrocytoma…a type of **brain cancer."**

Kakashi closed his eyes, not wanting to believe the absurd reality. His head was hung even lower, silver bangs obscuring the only visible part of his face.

 _So it's final, then…I do have brain cancer…_

"How long…do I have?" he asked softly. Tsunade looked at him with something akin to sympathy. It pained her to see him so upset and... _Defeated._ The hokage put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"…Look, you can't think like that when it comes to something like cancer…especially the kind that you have," Tsunade started hesitantly, "But if you really want to know…then on average, two years with treatment. And it's common that the tumor recurs as a more aggressive type..."

The copy ninja turned away from her to gaze out the window, his face paling and twisting into a look of despair.

"Whatever you do though, Kakashi…do not, under any circumstances, give up. In all my years living, I could honestly say that you're one of the strongest ninja I've seen. And what do strong ninja do? They fight till the very last breath."

He faced the hokage and gave her a weak smile, hiding all of his insecurities behind a figurative mask.

"Now that's more like it, brat. Anyway, you can leave today. I don't see any point in keeping you cooped up at the hospital before the surgery. Just remember to take the pills we prescribed, alright?" Kakashi slowly nodded in response.

"Um…can you tell me when the surgery is exactly?" he asked, looking into her eyes. Tsunade shifted in the seat, crossing her arms in thought.

"Well, we haven't planned it all out yet, but there definitely will be a surgery. In a few days' time, we'll inform you of the rest of the details, like when it'll take place. We won't be able to take all of the tumor out, though, that's for sure. We'll have to get rid of the rest with radiation and chemo therapy," Tsunade informed him practically, her voice taking on an air of professionalism.

 _Hah…I guess that's why cancer is deadly…you can't get rid of it all in one go. And even if you do, it just grows right back. Why not just…_ ** _kill me?_**

* * *

 _ **Konoha Hospital; 7:30 in the evening**_

Kakashi had finished packing up the set of clothing he had brought along with him in a rucksack slung across his back. He had changed into his regular jonin uniform, and was currently standing in front of the hokage and her assistant by the double doors that led outside.

"I'd better not see you in a hospital room before the surgery, brat. Got that?!" Tsunade threatened dangerously, eliciting a cold sweat out of him. The copy ninja just chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his head.

"Don't scare him, Lady Tsunade!" Shizune exclaimed in exasperation at her teacher's brutality, "But seriously Kakashi, take care of yourself."

"…Yeah…I'll try," he agreed, honestly just wanting them to stop pestering him about his health. He didn't understand; how were they putting him in control of his own well-being? If something happened to him because of the brain **cancer** , then he wouldn't be able to put a stop to it, right?

He gave a curt to the two kunoichi standing before him, and made his leave, swiftly heading through the doors.

"Bye, Kakashi!"

"Take care, Gaki."

Their voices faded away as he closed the glass doors behind him and stepped into the crisp evening air, looking up into the murky night sky. He admitted it; after staying in the hospital for a little more than an entire week, it seemed great to finally be rid of all the tedious scans, and annoying tests. It felt nice to not be in bed, walking around freely, even if it lasted only for a short while.

He continued to trudge down the dirt path before him with the backpack hanging across his shoulders, steadily getting further away from the hospital. Kakashi's nostrils were bombarded with a multitude of different, mouthwatering scents originating from the many food vendors lining the long, dusty road. Noises of merriment and hearty laughter invaded his sullen mood as he walked down the streets, no clear destination in place. He stopped before a bar, recognizing the green, vest clad backs of some of his colleagues.

A drink sounded pretty good at the moment.

Kakashi slipped into the booth and heavily slumped onto one of the empty stools, loud, drunken chatter on both his sides.

Right next to him sat Genma, drunkenly babbling to Raidou and Anko about different types of senbon.

"Two-no, three bottles of sake, please," Kakashi said to the bartender, planning on getting very drunk.

He didn't care if he was hungover later, he didn't _care_ if he wouldn't be able to physically walk home afterward. Kakashi just wanted to **numb** all the overpowering emotions that had been leaking through his impassive shield lately.

The three jonin sitting next to him halted their conversations and turned around to look when they heard the familiar lazy drawl.

"Hey look, guys, it's Hatake!" Raidou slurred, waving his cup in the air.

"So he finally decided to show up, huh? How you doin' scarecrow?" Genma garbled, clapping him on the back. He silently shrugged away from the touch, popping the cap of the first bottle of sake.

Kakashi poured the alcohol into a shallow cup he had been given and pulled off his mask, quickly dunking the liquid into his mouth.

"Why do ya hide yer face if yer so handsome, stupid?!" Anko slurred loudly, leaning forward to peer at him from next to Raidou. The copy ninja downed a few more shots in rapid succession, ignoring the kunoichi. The liquid burned his throat as it slipped past the lump in his gullet, his watering eyes shut tightly.

 _Why isn't this working?! It's supposed to NUMB me!_

With shaky hands, Kakashi uncapped the next bottle, wasting no time in pouring it into his cup and gulping it down. It was like a cycle: Pour. Raise. Drink. Pour. Raise. Drink.

 _I don't want to feel anything anymore…_

His colleagues stared at him in bewilderment; in just ten minutes, he had drunk more than they had, even though they had been sitting there for nearly an hour.

"Hey that's enough-" Genma started, reaching a hand out to Kakashi's shoulder.

"Don't touch me!" Kakashi exclaimed loudly, earning himself the glances of a few other people at the bar. Genma retracted his arm, sharing a look of bewilderment with his two friends.

"MY ETERNAL RIVAL! OH, I RECOGNIZED YOU THE MOMENT I SPOTTED YOUR UN-YOUTHFUL GRAY HAIR!" Gai shouted obliviously, jumping into the bar.

Kakashi ignored him and haphazardly threw the next shot into his open mouth, not even registering the painful sting as he gulped it down.

"Where have you been, Ka-ka-shi?! I haven't seen you for so…" Gai trailed off, finally noticing how fast he was downing the sake and just how… _depressed_ he looked.

Kakashi tried opening the third bottle, but before he could, Gai tightly gripped his trembling fingers, concern etched into his expression.

"What's wrong?" he asked seriously. Kakashi looked down at his lap, hoping that his shaggy hair would hide his watering eyes.

 _Don't ask me that or…or I'll lose it…_

"…Nothing…g-go away," he grunted after a few moments, trying his hardest to push down the rising emotions. Gai pulled a stool and plopped down, his hands never losing their grasp on Kakashi's clammy ones.

"I've been your rival for 13 years, so I _know_ when something's wrong. Now are you going to tell me, or will I have to force it out of you?!"he demanded. It was true; over the years, Gai had learned to recognize every single emotion on Kakashi's bored expression, learning from the slightest change in body language about how he was feeling on the inside.

If possible, Kakashi's head hung even lower, his shoulders slumping heavily.

"Why me…? Why does it always have to be me?" he started softly, "…Why? Why can't God be fair, just for once?"

"What are you saying, Kakashi?" Gai asked, brows furrowed in confusion.

"It isn't fair…" A loose sob broke from his throat, hot tears speckling the dusty black of his pants.

"Kakashi…"

"It's not f-fair…" Gai got up and wrapped his arms around Kakashi's shaking form, tears dampening his green jumpsuit. It was then that Gai realized he had never seen his rival cry before.

"What isn't fair, Kakashi?" _What's making you this upset?_

"…A-all my life…I've served the leaf village with honor, without betraying it…" Kakashi whispered in between gasps, his head digging into Gai's shoulder, "So why is it me that has to die?!"

"…Dying? What are you talking about, Kakashi?" Gai asked, feeling the silver-haired shinobi's heart beating faster and faster through the embrace. Kakashi roughly pulled away and looked at Gai with wide, panic-stricken eyes, his pale face marred with tear tracks.

"L-lady Tsunade said…I only have t-two more years…" he choked out, his breathing fast and erratic.

"What are you _talking_ about?!" Gai cried in bewilderment, brows furrowing in worry. Kakashi shook his head vigorously, his eyes flitting around the room, never staying in one place.

"I don't want to die…I don't want to die …" he wheezed. Gai gaped at the copy ninja in shock; he had never seen the man exhibit such _raw_ hopelessness. He repeated two words like a mantra, detached from reality.

" _ **Not yet…not yet…"**_

The silver haired jonin felt as if he was choking on all the emotion bubbling out of him, the emotion that he had so desperately tried to contain, but ended up failing to control.

 _It's too late to keep inside now,_ Kakashi thought, clenching the cloth that covered his chest. His frantic breaths were loud and audible; it was getting harder to take in air.

 _I can't breathe! Why can't I breathe?!_

"Kakashi! Get a hold of yourself!" Gai exclaimed with wide eyes, gripping his shoulders.

Genma, Raidou and Anko quickly slid off of their seats and stood next to Gai, their eyes just as open in shock and confusion. Their being there did nothing to help him; his breathing became even more fitful, less and less oxygen supplying his brain.

"He's hyperventilating," Genma deduced with narrowed eyes, his senbon needle wiggling around as he talked.

"Let go! Get off!" Kakashi hissed, digging his finger nails into the palms that held his shoulders down. Gai grunted in pain, biting back a scream. He maintained his hold, although there was blood starting to trickle down his fingers.

"Calm down, Kakashi!" Anko said sternly, her gruff voice laced with tension. He looked up at her with bulging eyes, his flushed visage blemished with uncharacteristic tears.

The copy ninja's fingers slowly grew limp, less and less oxygen reaching his body. His hands loosely fell to his sides, breaths coming in strangled hiccups and gasps.

"Kakashi? Kakashi!" Gai exclaimed in disbelief as his rival's head fell heavily onto his shoulder, a surefire sign that he had completely lost consciousness.

"What just _happened?_ " Anko uttered in incredulity.

"Hell if I know…" Gai started uneasily, worriedly staring down at the figure slumped against him.

"I'm taking him home," the green shinobi concluded, slinging Kakashi over his shoulders with a small grunt. _I can't leave him all alone in this state…_

He sped out of the bar before the three shinobi could utter another word and raced down the streets, ignoring the strange looks he got from passing civilians. Gai ran twice as fast as usual, his full concentration focused on getting to his meager apartment and taking care of his friend.

* * *

After taking off Kakashi's vest and shoes, Gai gingerly set him down on the queen-sized, four poster bed, bringing his own lime green blanket up to the copy ninja's masked chin. He stood there for a few moments and gazed down at his rival's sleeping form, deep in thought.

 _What could have caused him to_ cry _? A genjutsu?_

"Kai!"

 _No, it's not a genjutsu! But Kakashi's not one to lose his composure so easily…Something serious must have happened._

After using the bathroom and changing into his favorite pair of matching green pajamas, he flicked off the lights that illuminated the bright room and slid into the other side of the bed, right next to his unconscious rival.

 _I guess I'll just have to ask Kakashi what's wrong in the morning,_ Gai thought, staring at the ceiling above him, his arm resting underneath his head.

Slowly, his dark orbs shut, and everything faded to black, the tiredness that had accumulated throughout the day taking over.

* * *

Kakashi woke up to the sound of chirping crickets and a splitting headache, not the loud ruckus that the sake bar was characteristic of.

The shinobi realized, with a start, that he was definitely not laying in his own bed in his own room; the mattress was much softer than the one he used, and he didn't own a blanket of such bright color.

But the dead giveaway that he wasn't in the security of his own apartment was the mop of black, bowl cut hair peeking out from the green comforter on the other side of the bed. It was still dark, around three in the morning, to be more exact, so Kakashi couldn't really make out who he was lying next to.

He sat up abruptly, wondering if he had made a "mistake" after drinking way too much, when in reality, the only mistake he had made was getting up so quickly. Kakashi's face paled as a sudden wave of nausea passed over him, his head feeling like it had been stuffed to the brim.

He stumbled out of bed and took a few staggering steps to the door of the bedroom, yanking it open and teetering outside into the rest of the apartment in search of the bathroom.

Kakashi opened the first door that he laid eyes on, one that was placed further down the hallway, only a few feet away. The copy ninja was relieved when he saw that it was the bathroom indeed, with the telltale toilet and shower.

He staggered to the toilet and hovered over it, waiting for the uncomfortable feeling to pass. Instead of fading away, the nausea only grew, bile slowly rising up his throat. Kakashi quickly pulled off his mask as his stomach suddenly lurched, and heaved into the toilet bowl, the sour stench of old alcohol and gastric juices stinging his nostrils and causing his eyes to water.

Gai jolted awake, the grotesque sounds of retching stirring him out of his slumber. He glanced to his side, expecting a head of silver hair to be resting on one of his pillows. Instead of laying eyes on his sleeping rival, Gai saw that the bed was completely empty, the sheets hastily thrown back.

 _If Kakashi's not in bed, that means he's…_

Gai jolted out of bed and rushed to the bathroom, his eyes widening when he saw that his rival was hunched over the toilet and heaving out his stomach's contents, his hands tightly clenching the porcelain sides.

"Kakashi!" Gai exclaimed in concern, placing an alarmed hand on the copy ninja's bowed back.

After rinsing the putrid taste out of mouth, Kakashi sighed and rose to his full stature, slipping his mask back up.

"Ah…so it's your house I'm at, Gai," he said coolly, pretending like Gai had not seen him throw up, or witness him breaking down the night before. Gai clicked his tongue in annoyance at his friend's indifferent behavior.

"How can you act so-Ah, never mind! Hold on, I'll get you some water!" he shouted exasperatedly, before clumsily running into the kitchen.

Kakashi slowly followed him out of the hallway, stopping in the living room oriented right next to Gai's kitchen. He watched patiently as his rival foraged the refrigerator with passion, not stopping until he'd obtained what he was searching for.

"Finally, I've found it!" Gai shouted, pumping a fist into the air.

 _Only he would get so worked up after finding a bottle of water,_ Kakashi thought bemusedly.

Gai jumped over to his rival and handed him the cold water bottle, his hastily bandaged palms on full display. Kakashi took it hesitantly, eyes fixed on Gai's injuries.

"Your hands…what happened?" he asked, dark orbs narrowed in suspicion. Gai's eyes widened in surprise, and he quickly hid his hands behind his back.

"You don't remember?" he inquired uneasily.

"Remember what?" Kakashi replied, his head lightly cocked to the side, indicating his confusion. What had taken place at the bar was a blur to him, much to his irritation. Although he didn't recall what he did exactly, the emotions he had felt still lingered.

"Never mind that...we need to talk, Kakashi…about what happened last night," Gai prompted, plopping onto his suede couch. He patted the spot right next to his self, asking his rival to sit with him.

Kakashi reluctantly joined Gai, slowly taking a seat beside him.

"…Kakashi," Gai started softly, "why were you so upset last night?"

The copy ninja shifted on the couch, looking down at his hands. He moved his lips in an attempt to speak, but nothing came out. The only sound amidst the deafening silence was the hypnotic chirping of crickets.

"Kakashi…" Gai whispered in concern, placing a warm, encouraging hand on his friend's shoulder.

"Gai," he croaked after a few long moments, not meeting his eyes, "I'm sick."

"You're sick? What kind of sickness?! I have some medicine in my bathroom cabinet!" Gai exclaimed, already jumping up to fetch him the said remedies from his restroom. Kakashi shook his head sadly, chuckling dryly at his proclaimed rival's antics.

"I doubt any of the medications you have can cure me," the copy ninja choked out, his voice breaking under the weight of all the renewed emotions.

"W-what…what do you mean, Kakashi?" Gai asked in confusion, growing more and more nervous by the second. The youthful ninja sat back down in his previous spot, his gaze fixed intently on Kakashi's slumped, defeated form.

"G-gai... I have c-cancer," Kakashi whispered with great difficulty, "In my brain."

The few words hit Gai like a tsunami would to a small village, breaking down all of the carefully constructed homes and small shops. A single tear slid down a tanned cheek, his quivering lips parted in shock.

 _Cancer…Kakashi has_ ** _cancer._**

Many more salty tears threatened to spring out of Gai's shiny orbs, but that was before he saw the wet drops staining his rival's own dusty pants, continuing to fall from eyes hidden under spiky, silver locks.

Gai pushed back his lingering depression, quickly wiping away the bitter wetness that marred his own face.

 _How much more selfish can I get! My rival is in pain, and I am here shedding tears instead of comforting him!_

With newfound passion, Gai pulled Kakashi's trembling form into a tight embrace, running a callused hand through his silver hair. Kakashi collapsed into the hug, in desperate need for some kind of comfort; a reassurance that he would be okay, that he wouldn't _die._

The copy ninja's stifled weeping permeated the silent, rigid atmosphere that had settled around Gai's apartment. The sound was so foreign coming from such a renowned ninja.

Kakashi's cries only grew louder from there, his body racking with a sudden onslaught of sobs. He needed an outlet, a way to deal with the heavy burden suddenly placed on his shoulders. The shinobi needed a good cry, if you will. Gai was moved to tears himself, never having seen a usually emotionless man break down in such a manner.

 _Kakashi's not supposed to be the one crying! I_ ** _never_** _want to see him cry!_

He tightened his hold and shut his eyes, continuing to let Kakashi's heart-breaking wails wet his shoulder. His Adam's apple bobbed up and down as he gulped down his own sobs.

"Shh, my rival…You must stay strong," he started softly, refusing to let his voice waver.

"B-but Gai, they said I only have two more years! I'm not ready to be bedridden…and as much as I thought I was, I'm not prepared to die yet…" Kakashi breathed shakily, shivering under all of the impending pressure.

Gai pulled away from the hug and stood up abruptly, facing his rival.

"I refuse to believe it!" he exclaimed with passion, "A disease, or even a doctor has no right to determine when your life ends! Your life only ends when you yourself decide to let it end, when you don't have the _strength_ to continue any further! And my _eternal_ rival, if you have the will to fight, then it is impossible that you will lose against this cursed cancer!"

Kakashi tilted his head up to meet Gai's gaze, his face blotchy, and his eyes red and glossy with unshed tears.

"I truly believe that you have the courage to outlast this, Kakashi!" Gai told him with a sparkling grin, his hand outstretched to give the copy nin a thumbs-up.

After staring at him in astonishment for a few moments, Kakashi gently closed his eyes, the corners of his mouth turning up behind his mask.

"…Thanks, Gai," he said softly, wiping away any leftover evidence that he had indeed cried. By that point, he was exhausted, both physically and emotionally.

"Anytime, my eternal rival!" Gai replied, the grin never leaving his face.

"I'm sorry…about crying like that. It was wrong of me to let go of my emotions…" Kakashi apologized, bowing his head in embarrassment. Although he was mortified to have broken down in front of Gai, Kakashi had to admit that letting his emotions run through for once, had made him feel much better, as if the burden had been lifted off of his shoulders, if only by a little.

"No, no, you should've! It's not like I believe in those stupid shinobi rules, anyway. If you had stayed rigid for so long, then you would've snapped eventually!" Gai explained quickly, making wide gestures with his hands.

Kakashi looked up and gave his rival a small smile, glad that nothing had really changed in between them.

"So…what's next?" Gai asked curiously, shifting his weight.

"Hm…well, I have an upcoming surgery, although I'm not sure when it is, exactly. I'll tell you when they let me know," he replied, his usual, calm demeanor back firmly in place.

"Oh…hey, are you going to…tell anyone else?"

Kakashi stiffened at the sudden question. It had already been painfully hard to tell even Gai, probably his closest friend, about his current predicament, so how in the world would he be able to tell anyone else?

"You know what, it's okay. No one's forcing you to—"

"No, no. I'll tell…Kurenai and Asuma," Kakashi cut in thoughtfully, still a little hesitant. Out of all people, at least they deserved to know, he supposed. They _had_ come to visit him at the hospital with Gai.

"What about your pupils? What were their names? Naruto, Sakura, and Sa…Sakuse…?" Gai questioned, crossing his arms.

"Naruto, Sakura, and _Sasuke_ ," Kakashi chuckled, "But on a serious note, I don't think I should tell them just yet…"

 _I don't want them to get involved in all of this…it would be better to keep them under the impression that their sensei is doing just fine._

The two glanced at the window, watching as the sun slowly rose up from behind the trees, the light filtering into the dark room.

"This reminds me…I haven't been to training in more than a week. I guess I should head home and get ready to make it up to them," Kakashi started, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head of silver hair.

"No, you're taking the day off to stay in with me! You can go train tomorrow when you're fresh and well rested," Gai commanded loudly, pointing an intimidating index finger at his rival.

"…Yeah, yeah, _fine_ ," Kakashi agreed, albeit a bit reluctantly. _They're going to have my arse when I go back…_

"OH YEAH!" Gai exclaimed passionately, pumping a fist into the air.

 _Isn't he a bit too excited? Eh, Gai gets excited about everything, so I guess this is normal._

"So whaddya want for breakfast?" his rival asked him expectantly, heading into the kitchen and scanning the insides of the pantry.

"Um…I mean, what do you have, Gai?" Kakashi replied, padding across the wooden floor and loitering behind Gai. He would've turned down the offer, except he was smart enough to know that his rival wouldn't take that as an answer.

"Eggs! I have eggs! And cereal too!" Gai exclaimed with a jump, starting to fish through the meager contents of his fridge for the few eggs he had had left.

 _Oh brother…_

And with that, the two rivals spent the rest of the morning in each other's company, eating rolled omelette and dry cereal, since Gai had preferred training to doing the groceries, again.

* * *

 **Author's Note** : Er...How is it? Sorry for any stupid grammatical errors. It's like 3 in the morning right now. Why am I even awake? Don't I have anything better to do? Shouldn't I listen to the bags under my eyes? Shouldn't I be doing my SUMMER READI-Anyway, let me know if you think Kakashi's being over dramatic. You know, it actually makes sense that he is, if the tumor's in his frontal lobe-AH! shut up, me! Sorry, I'm being a nerd. Okay, don't forget to leave some reviews and and all of that dkjjhedmwedwef. With that being said, good night.


	9. Chapter 9: Back at the Job

Chapter 9: Back at the Job

Kakashi moaned in pleasure as the warm water soaked his sore muscles, massaging the knots of stress that had accumulated over time. He couldn't deny it; after a week of bathing in the dingy hospital bathroom, a nice, toasty shower at home felt awesome.

After spending the whole day at Gai's apartment, either catching up on sleep, reading his rather _graphic_ novels together, or just straight up gossiping about other shinobi, the copy nin had finally returned to his own home, and was currently getting ready to attend training for the first time in a little more than a week.

The ninja massaged a dollop of shampoo through his unruly, silver hair, working it into a frothy lather. At the same time, he wondered what his students had been doing for the past week. Had they been training on their own, or did they just stop coming, period? Would they be angry with him when he finally showed up?

He squirted an ample amount of soap onto a wet shower sponge and started rubbing it across the pale flesh of his shoulder, still deep in thought.

What would he tell them if they asked why he had ceased to appear? He told Naruto that he had a "stomach bug", so it had to be something along the lines of that ...Diarrhea? Nope, that didn't sound too believable, not to mention that it's _gross_. A fever? Nah… What about...food poisoning? If he told them that in a certain way, then it might just pass…

Kakashi turned on the water faucet and stood under the shower head, his eyes closed in contentment as the soap rinsed off of skin and dribbled into the drain. After deeming himself clean enough, the copy ninja wrapped himself in an oversized towel and exited the bathroom, padding into his connected bedroom.

 _Hm…what should I wear?_ Kakashi thought, standing before his opened closet, stroking his exposed chin.

 _Oh, who am I kidding, I wear the same thing every day._

Kakashi pulled out a fresh pair of black slacks and a clean long-sleeved shirt of the same shade. After dabbing at the cold droplets of water on his flesh, he slipped into the two familiar items.

The copy ninja zipped up his green flak jacket and put on his sandals. When he had taken the meds he had been prescribed and wrapped up his ankle bandages, Kakashi pulled up his characteristic mask, ultimately completing the quick morning routine.

"Shunshin no jutsu!" he said, making the familiar hand signs.

One of the perks of taking the new medication was that he could finally use the body flickering technique without losing his breakfast, although he still _did_ feel his ever present headache worsen noticeably.

*Poof*

Kakashi reappeared at his training grounds, immediately feeling the dull ache spike in intensity. Ignoring the pain, Kakashi couldn't help but smile as he saw that his students were still training, even though he hadn't been there to guide them.

Sakura and Naruto were sparring with each other using only Taijutsu, the latter having the upper hand due to his abundant amount of shadow clones. Sasuke was practicing with his shuriken, and as expected of a genius prodigy, he got them right on target every single time.

Three heads snapped up from their training at the noise that they had been missing for the past several days. Naruto and Sakura stopped mid fight and ran toward him, not sure if they were completely angry or overjoyed. Sasuke tucked the ninja stars back into his pouch and sauntered over, the surprise evident on his pale visage.

"KAKASHI-SENSEI!" Sakura cried, immediately tackling him into an embrace. He retracted his hands, eyes widening.

"Hn. Someone finally decided to show up."

"Hey! How come you're giving sensei a _hug!_ He hasn't even been showing up to training!" Naruto screeched in exasperation, a bit jealous that Sakura wouldn't even _think_ to jump on him like that. She quickly pulled away, smoothing her red dress.

"Naruto's actually right this time! Where have you been, Kakashi-Sensei! Just when we had started to get used to your tardiness, you stopped showing up at all!"

"Um…well, you see…I wasn't able to come. Actually, I was stuck in the hospital this whole time," Kakashi revealed, sheepishly rubbing the back of his unruly hair.

"Hospital?! How come?" Sakura inquired worriedly, her hands clasped in front of her chest.

"Ah, nothing too serious…Just a bit of food poisoning," the silver-haired ninja lied swiftly, waving off her concern.

"I guess that makes sense, Kakashi-sensei. You do look like you have lost some weight," Naruto mused, eyeing his thinner frame. It was as if he hadn't even encountered the copy ninja at the park a week ago.

 _Wow, they believe me…This was way easier than I expected_ -

"How did you get it?" Sasuke questioned tersely, his dark eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Hm?"

"What did you eat to get food poisoning?" The Uchiha elaborated, crossing his arms and waiting for a response, "you stopped showing up after that day that we ate barbecue together. I remember it clearly: Sakura was the one who prepared the meat for you, and it wasn't undercooked either."

 _But then there's Sasuke…_

"You're right. Sakura barbecued the meat strips perfectly, so it's impossible that they could've made me sick," Kakashi drawled calmly, "But later that night, I went out to eat steak with the other sensei. Unfortunately, mine was a tad bit underdone."

"Hn," Sasuke grunted after a few moments of staring at his teacher, finally accepting the excuse.

"Just shut up already, Sasuke! You're taking up time that could've been spent training with Sensei!" Naruto shouted accusingly, glaring at his raven haired teammate.

"Tch. It's not like training with Kakashi can make the likes of you any stronger, dead last," Sasuke retorted smugly, his nose turned up in a condescending manner.

Kakashi easily grabbed Naruto before he could lunge at the Uchiha, a gloved hand clamped over the orange clad ninja's mouth to muffle his provoking insults.

"Now, now, we still have plenty of time to train, so there's really no need to fight," Kakashi chastised lightly, letting the wriggling form escape out of his hold.

"What are we doing today anyway?" Sakura asked, looking up at Kakashi expectantly.

"Since I wasn't able to get you guys a mission for today, we'll just spend our time reinforcing the basics, maybe chakra control or kunai handling," he answered, impassive gaze settling somewhere above their heads.

"What?! You _still_ don't have any missions for us, even after a whole week?" Naruto questioned in disbelief.

"Sorry…" Kakashi started softly. Naruto just shook his head, eyes narrowed in frustration.

"It's not _fair!_ You never take us on REAL missions anymore, Kakashi sensei!" Naruto shouted loudly, throwing his hands into the air in exasperation, his voice taking on a childish whine.

"Naruto…" the jonin drawled tiredly, letting a small sigh escape from his masked lips.

 _Would I even be able to hold out for a whole mission?_ The copy ninja pondered, his face darkening upon thinking of his current predicament.

"Please, please, PLEASE get us a mission, Kakashi sensei! There's no point of being ninja if we can't do actual missions!" Naruto pleaded, sporting the puppy dog look to lure Kakashi in. Their sensei just sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

 _I'm not sure if I could do even a D rank without worsening my condition…but it's not fair to them. What kind of sensei doesn't take their students on missions?!_

"Fine…I'll go and check with the hokage later if there are any missions available, alright?" he uttered in defeat, scratching the back of his head of unruly silver hair.

"YEAH! I didn't even have to use my sexy jutsu!" Naruto shouted triumphantly, only earning himself a stern bonk on the head from Sakura.

"Hey! That hurt, you know!" The blond screeched, rubbing the freshly formed bump on his head.

"That's what you get for being such a perv! You can't blackmail sensei with your dirty tricks!" the kunoichi rebuked angrily, her hands resting at her hips. Naruto crossed his arms, turning away to pout.

"He's always reading porn in public, so I thought it would work…" he muttered under his breath.

"Huh?! Did you _say_ something, idiot?!" Sakura cried, immediately assuming that Naruto had uttered an insult, probably one about her huge forehead, or her freakishly pink hair.

"Yeah, I said-"

"Let's start training now, shall we?" Kakashi cut in with an uneasy chuckle, the visible portion of his masked face tinged a slight red.

 _He's just saying that because he doesn't want Sakura to think he's an old closet pervert,_ Naruto thought with an angry huff.

The copy ninja gave them a crescent eyed smile, still chuckling nervously and sheepishly scratching the back of his aching head.

"Tch. Hurry up, you guys, you're wasting time that could've been spent training…" Sasuke grumbled, crossing his arms.

"Hey, I was not wasting time, you bastard! I was asking for a mission that we could go on as a **team**!" Naruto exclaimed heatedly, glaring at the said Uchiha.

"Mission? I don't consider the D rank crap that Kakashi brings us all the time as actual missions," Sasuke stated snidely, not bothering to return the dirty look.

Naruto quickly turned to face Kakashi, eyes widening in disbelief.

"Is it true, sensei?! Are you getting us a D RANK?!" Naruto exclaimed loudly.

"Y-you know, that isn't really for me to decide…Lady Tsunade is the one who appoints the missions," Kakashi started nervously, his hands held out protectively in front of him.

"Please, Kashi-sensei," Sakura added, stepping forward from her position by Sasuke to stand next to Naruto, "Even civilians can pull weeds or rake leaves…We want something that actually tests our skills as ninja!"

Kakashi sighed. Again. His students were sure giving him a hard time on his first day back at the job.

"Hm…Fine, because you guys aren't really giving me a choice anyway. But understand that all I can do is _ask_ ," Kakashi told them with a small smile after a long pause, ruffling Sakura's pink locks with a gloved palm.

She immediately jumped back, hands hovering over her precious pink hair.

"Heyy, I blow dried it today, you know!" the kunoichi cried in irritation, using her fingers to frantically comb through her thick, and now tangled, mane.

"I LOVE YOU, KAKASHI-SENSEI! THANK YOU!" Naruto exclaimed in excitement, tackling his sensei into an incredibly tight hug. Kakashi's silver eyebrows rose in surprise, hands unsure what to do in return.

"The idiot gets so excited about everything…" Sasuke muttered under his breath, rolling his eyes.

Kakashi gently peeled the young Genin off of his lanky form, setting his jumpy feet onto the dirt of the training grounds. Although Naruto would rather go on something along the lines of an S rank, he had been so deprived of ANY kind of mission that he would gladly accept a C rank. At least it wasn't a _D rank._

"We need to get started now. I really need to catch y'all up," Kakashi prompted sternly, the look on his face meaning business.

"Ready?"

"OF COURSE I AM!"

"I've been ready the whole time!"

"Whatever. Just hurry up."

And with that, Kakashi returned to training with his three pupils, pretending like everything was completely normal, although he had noticed that he was actually tired afterward.

* * *

"May I enter, Lady Tsunade?"

"Come in," she replied after a pause.

Kakashi clicked open the door to the hokage's office and strolled over to her desk, stopping in front of it to give her a respectful bow.

"Oh, it's just you, Kakashi," Tsunade said, looking up from her abundant pile of paperwork, recognizing the unruly silver hair, "What's the matter?"

Kakashi straightened up from his bowed position, looking into the hokage's eyes.

"Everything's fine, I just came here to ask if there were any missions that the rest of my team and I could take on," the jonin replied. Tsunade sighed, her eyebrows furrowing.

"Kakashi…someone in your condition shouldn't even be thinking about doing missions… you know that, right?" The Godaime told him tiredly, wanting to preserve his good health for as long as she could.

"Please, Lady Tsunade. If I don't get them a mission, then I'll never hear the end of it, especially from Naruto…" Kakashi stressed, his mask shifting as he moved his lips to speak. She sighed again, her henge looking as if it had just aged ten more years.

"…Fine, then. But only the easier ones, alright?" she told him reluctantly, looking back down at her papers.

"Wait…if it isn't too much to ask…can you give me a C rank mission instead of a D rank like usual?" he questioned hesitantly, nervously shifting his weight.

Kakashi fought the urge to reflexively jump back when she slammed a palm onto her desk, papers flying off.

"That is _absolutely_ out of the question, Kakashi! I thought you were smart enough to actually think before talking such **crap**!" she exclaimed vehemently, getting up from her seat. The copy ninja stood his ground, although his eyes widened at her sudden show of violence.

"We both know very well that my students are capable enough to take this on. After all, they have survived a B rank, possibly an A rank, mission before," he started in defense, thinking back to the fight against Haku and Zabuza.

Tsunade just shook her head, sitting back down and rearranging the scattered documents.

"You just don't get it, do you Hatake? If something happens to you because of the increased pressure in your skull, then you, or your students, will not be able to do anything! What if you have a seizure? A headache? I seriously doubt there'll be any doctors to help you out," Tsunade tried explaining to him.

"But I haven't even had any seizures since the one I had at the hospital…and the headaches? They're just everyday occurrences that I can deal with easily…" he said with mock confidence, hiding his renewed uneasiness.

"You could have a seizure at any time, Kakashi. Trust me, you will not be ready. And you need to remember that you haven't been on a mission in _weeks_. Your headaches will worsen when-I mean _if_ \- you do go on one," Tsunade said gruffly, "Without proper medical care during an emergency, you could _die_."

His fists took on a white discoloration from how tight he was clenching them, silver bangs shadowing his eyes from view.

 _Did I go too far?_ Tsunade thought, her expression softening.

"Hey, I know it might sound a little harsh, but I'm just telling you the truth-"

"So what if it is the truth?" he started lowly, cutting her off, "What do you expect me to do? Rot in a hospital bed all day?!"

His head snapped up, shaggy, silver hair flopping back. Her hazel orbs enlarged in surprise, but she let the Hatake continue.

"I only have two more years left, right?! I'm not going to waste them like that…If I do die during a mission, then _so be it!_ It's better than fading away without any honor!" he finished with wide eyes, short of breath. _Only two years…_

The copy ninja ran a trembling hand through his hair, averting his gaze.

"Kakashi…"she started worriedly, starting to get up from her seat. He rubbed his eyes vigorously.

"I'm fine," the jonin reassured her bleakly, his hands quickly falling back to his sides. She nodded in understanding, knowing that he didn't want to touch upon the topic.

"I…I'll give you a mission…" Tsunade uttered, sitting back down and starting to sift through her papers. He nodded quietly, frustrated that it was getting harder to get a hold of his emotions.

"I found you a C rank," she said after a few awkward moments, "An escort mission to the Land of Waves."

 _Well, that certainly sounds familiar._

"Um…who's the escort?" he asked curiously.

"He's a carpenter," the hokage started, "He helped us rebuild after the Chuunin exams, so as a token of our gratitude, we're giving him a free escort team to help him get back home safely."

"Oh…Well, if that's all, then I suppose I should take my leave," Kakashi said, bowing deeply in respect, his gaze fixed on the carpeted floor.

"You're dismissed."

Kakashi started toward the door, his gait slow and disturbed, as if he had something left to say. He paused suddenly, his hand on the door handle.

 _What's wrong with me? I just snapped…at the hokage herself. I forced her into giving me a mission…I disrespected the leader of the Hidden Leaf._

"Um…I…I'm sorry for my behavior earlier…It was unacceptable," he uttered out of guilt, glancing back at the hokage with something akin to shame gleaming in his usually impassive visible eye, before opening the entry with a soft click and trudging out.

Tsunade sighed and put her tired head in her hands, never wanting an apology in the first place.

"That brat…He didn't need to say sorry…" she muttered under her breath.

 _If anything, I'm the one who should be apologizing._

* * *

"Why is he so freaking late all the time?!" Sakura exclaimed in exasperation, stamping a sandaled foot onto the dewy grass.

The three were standing in the middle of the field—well, two were standing—Naruto was slumped onto the grass, only half awake.

"We should start coming two hours later…then we wouldn't have to wait for sensei for so long…" Naruto muttered under his breath, his tired, blue orbs watering as he yawned.

"Is someone…talking about me?" A scratchy voice whispered into the blonde's ear. Naruto jumped up with a high pitched shriek, all of the grogginess driven out of his eyes. He took cover behind an unimpressed Sasuke, whose ill tempered scowl only deepened upon seeing Kakashi finally arrive.

"Sorry I'm late, guys…An old lady made me carry her groceries," Kakashi uttered with a nostalgic smile, adjusting the straps of the green rucksack slung across his shoulders.

 _That's something you would say, Obito…_

"For two hours?! Yeah, right!" Naruto and Sakura exclaimed simultaneously, both of them pointing an accusatory index finger at their sensei. The jonin just shrugged, not bothering to elaborate any further.

"We have a mission today. Pack enough for two days and meet me at the front gates in roughly ten minutes," he told them.

Before Kakashi could make the hand signs for the body flickering technique, Naruto started bombarding him with questions.

"A M-MISSION?! What rank? What are we doing? Where are we-?"

"I'll explain at the gates. See ya." Kakashi said with a quick wave, before vanishing off in a puff of smoke.

After a few moments of stupidly standing in the middle of the field, the only sound being the awkward chirping of crows, the three Genin ran off to their separate homes to hastily stuff clothing and toiletries into their backpacks.

* * *

 **Author's Note** : Do you like it? Do you hate it? Do you not care? Hmmmmmm? I'm sorry about the slow-moving pace of the story, but eh...The next chapter will be on their mission. Don't forget to leave a review or two!


	10. Chapter 10: A Familiar Mission

Chapter 10: A Familiar Mission

As the three sprinted to the front gates, the slouched, but tall figure of their sensei started to form in their line of vision, the messy mop of silver hair covering his head being the dead giveaway that he was Kakashi indeed.

But as they neared the lanky jonin, another man came into view, one with messy, grayed hair and tan, muscled arms from doing hard, laborious work for the majority of his long lifetime.

"…Old man?" Naruto uttered in confusion, skidding to a stop in front of the two older males. Sakura and Sasuke also looked up at the elderly carpenter, their eyes glinting with recognition.

"Naruto! It's been a while, hasn't it?" Tazuna said cheerfully, genuinely glad to see the team after so long. He was especially happy to meet the orange clad ninja once more, since he had helped Inari's bravery and optimism rise to the surface.

"It sure has, old man!" Naruto exclaimed with an ear to ear grin, "So, how's Inari?"

"He's training to become a fine carpenter, just like his old grand pops," Tazuna chuckled gruffly, scratching the back of his head and pointing a callused thumb to his abdomen.

"And none of them bullies mess with him no more!" he added proudly. Naruto's grin only widened. Sakura stepped up with a small smile, leaving Sasuke standing behind the two of them.

"What about Tsunami? How's your daughter?" she asked politely, hands clasped behind her back.

"Tsunami? She's fine, take cares of her two boys very well," the bridge builder answered with a hearty laugh, "Oh, and those two boys would be me and Inari, of course!"

Kakashi shifted his weight impatiently, his gloved hands stuffed deep into his pockets.

"Um, guys…I think we should get going," he prompted, expression bored and passive as always.

"Heh, let's go then. I can't wait to get home and eat dinner with my family, anyway," Tazuna proclaimed loudly, turning his attention to the team's leader.

Kakashi started toward the open gates without a word, the others following after him. Naruto and Sakura immediately assumed positions on either side of Tazuna, while Sasuke took the back, sullenly gazing at the backs of those ahead of him.

"Where are you guys headed?" Kotetsu drawled, seeing the group venturing outside of the gates. Kakashi threw a lethargic glance at Izumo and Kotetsu, secretly relieved that the pair was on duty instead of Genma, or Raidou, especially Anko. He certainly didn't want them, or anyone for that matter, to be asking questions about the 'incident' at the bar.

"We have an escort mission to the Land of Waves," he told them simply, adjusting the seemingly heavy backpack on his shoulders. Izumo nodded curtly, approving of his reason to exit the village.

With the granted permission, the copy ninja started to trudge further away from the hidden leaf, distancing him from easily accessible medical care with every slow step that he took. They walked along a wide, dirt path, ensconced by tall trees on both sides.

The old carpenter and his three students followed closely behind him, talking animatedly about petty topics, such as their zodiac signs, or favorite colors.

The jonin pulled out the familiar orange colored novel from his ninja pouch, and turned to the first page, deciding that he might as well entertain himself for however long the journey was about to take. Kakashi would at least be able to enjoy his favorite read for a good chunk of the morning before a "headache" became too prominent, since he had taken his prescribed medication right before body flickering to the training grounds.

Although he was busy reading in the front, the jonin couldn't help but hear little snippets of what they were talking about.

"What about you, Sasuke, what's your favorite color?" Sakura crooned, trying to include the ever quiet Sasuke in the conversation.

"Hn," the Uchiha grumbled, "I don't have one." Naruto didn't take long to retaliate.

"You can't be serious! I've always thought your favorite color was dark blue or something!" Naruto exclaimed in astonishment.

"I've already told you," Sasuke started, crossing his arms, " _Navy_ is not my favorite color."

"Then why do you wear it all the time, huh?!" The blonde said in exasperation, not understanding why Sasuke refused to admit that he did indeed love _dark blue_ as a color.

"Yeah, I agree with Naruto, for once. I wear red and Naruto dresses in orange every day because those are our favorite colors. You can't just wear the same color every day and not have some kind of connection with it," Sakura added shrilly. Sasuke just clicked his tongue in annoyance.

"I only wear navy blue because I hate most other colors. Like red. And _especially_ orange," he argued, not really in the mood to talk anymore. Sakura sunk into herself, her face falling with disappointment that Sasuke _disliked_ something about her. Naruto just got even more riled up, his chest puffing out as if he had something to prove.

"Orange is a GREAT color! And so is red, ya know!" Naruto added quickly, the passion coming off of him in waves that didn't seem to affect the Uchiha, of course.

"No it's not," Sasuke articulated firmly.

"Is too!"

"Is. Not."

"IS TOOO!"

"It is not!"

Tazuna face palmed at their childish bickering, his face scrunching up in annoyance.

"Hey! Shut up! I thought that at least you would be more mature, broody!" he exclaimed. The bridge builder got them to quiet down, but he also caused Sasuke's scowl to deepen even further.

"What'd you just call me?" Sasuke asked rhetorically, his voice menacingly low and quiet.

"You didn't hear me the first time? And I thought I was the old one…" Tazuna muttered obliviously, scratching the the top of his head of graying hair in confusion.

"Are you stupid or-" Sasuke had started vehemently, before he got cut off.

"Enough, all of you!" Kakashi called from the front, finally deciding that it was time to intervene. He kept his gaze focused on the pages of a book he had read a few too many times, not even glancing back at them. He was successful in shutting them up; an awkward silence had settled around the group, not that Kakashi minded, anyway. He actually enjoyed the unsettlement of those around him. They walked in the same uneasy quietness for a few moments, until Naruto spoke up.

"Hey, sensei, Kakashi-sensei!" He shouted excitedly, although the man was only a few feet ahead of him.

"Hm…?" the jonin grunted in response, his dark orbs skimming over the never ending kanji before him as he trudged along the dirt path.

"What's _your_ favorite color, huh?" the blonde questioned curiously, unaware of the glares he was getting from his two teammates, and even the old carpenter.

"Don't ask that, you idiot! Didn't you see what just happened?!" Sakura hissed. Tazuna nodded in agreement.

"Yep, she's right, Naruto. Ya don't want your sensei to react like broody, right?" the carpenter explained, gazing down at the orange clad ninja. Sasuke bore a hole into Tazuna's back at that, but it wasn't like the old man noticed.

"Yeah, yeah, makes sense!" the Uzumaki said quickly with a few vigorous nods, squinting up at the bridge builder in return.

"Kakashi-Sensei!" Naruto tried again, looking intently at the jonin's slouched back.

"Yes, Naruto?" Kakashi responded casually, pretending as if he had not just witnessed their whole conversation.

"What's your zodiac sign?!"

Kakashi stroked his masked chin, acting as if he were deep in thought.

"…My birthday's on the fifteenth of September," he started with a contemplative tone, "So I guess that would make me a Virgo."

"You know, now that I think of it…you do act like a Virgo, sensei…"Sakura mused.

"…Really? How so?" Kakashi asked listlessly, licking a thumb to turn another one of the worn pages of his book.

"Well, first of all, you're really meticulous-I mean, you pay close attention to details. Remember the last time we had to go to the Land of Waves? It was you who deduced that Zabuza was still alive by being really picky and critical of the whole battle," she explained, everyone's attention drawn to her, "That hadn't even occurred to me until you gave the evidence!"

"Well, that's how you'll be too, when you become a jonin…" Kakashi replied simply, reading the same page over and over again while simultaneously talking to Sakura _and_ inspecting his surroundings for any threats.

"Fine, I guess that make sense," Sakura accepted, "But what about how reserved you are? The first time we met, the only thing that you revealed in your introduction was your name!"

 _I'm impressed…she was able to analyze every single one of my actions in an attempt to form a clearer picture of who I am, a skill required for a jonin to have. I have no doubt in my mind that Sakura will be great someday._

"Hm…perhaps you're right after all, Sakura...You sure do know a lot about Zodiac signs," Kakashi noticed. Sakura blushed modestly, twiddling her thumbs.

"Yeah, Sakura, it's awesome that you know so much!" Naruto added, perhaps in an attempt to win her over.

"Well, actually…Back in Kunoichi class, Ino-pig and I used to make trivia cards on the signs and quiz each other later, for fun. I know it sounds kind of cliché, but I guess it kind of helped me to…find out who I am…" Sakura told them uneasily.

"What kind of name is Ino-pig?" Tazuna asked with a snort, diminishing the nervous energy that had settled around them.

"Ino-pig is just a nickname, gramps!" Naruto explained with a few loose guffaws.

"Yeah…her real name is Ino. She is-I mean she _used to be_ my friend, but now we're rivals!" Sakura said with a raised fist, her face set in determination.

"And she's an annoying fan girl, too," Sasuke added tersely, rolling his eyes. Sakura flinched and lowered her fist, her expression softening ruefully. For some reason, when Sasuke said that, it made her feel bad as well. The kunoichi almost felt guilty for not _defending_ the Yamanaka.

"You know, broody, you've got a serious attitude problem," Tazuna told Sasuke seriously upon noticing Sakura's gloomy mood. Naruto nodded his head vigorously in agreement.

" _He does, he does_!"

Sasuke growled in annoyance, his fists clenched tightly to keep himself from punching the man that they were supposed to be protecting.

"Hey, we're here, guys," Kakashi informed them, stopping in front of a boat dock. The rest of the group had been so involved in their conversation that they hadn't even noticed the disappearing trees, or that they were getting closer to the body of water in the far distance.

"Wow, already?!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Yeah. Now we just have to take a boat to the Land of Waves, and drop Mr. Tazuna off." Kakashi told them with a sigh, strolling down the wooden dock that extended onto the vast body of water. He raised a gloved palm and waved for a paddler to come over.

An old man with a gnarled face got the signal and started rowing his empty boat toward the group, the water rippling every time he thrust the long paddles into the water.

The copy ninja stepped aside, once the elderly man was waiting beside the dock, to let the others board the watercraft before he did so himself. They started toward the small boat, slowly lowering themselves off of the wooden surface of the dock. Sakura and Naruto immediately took the front, the latter of the two gazing in wonderment at the dark sea sloshing beneath them. Sasuke got on without a word and cautiously sat down in the middle of the boat, his legs crossed casually.

After seeing that Tazuna had also taken a seat close to the patient paddler, Kakashi lowered himself down, the vessel creaking under all of the weight. He occupied the space between Sasuke and his other two students, who were now both smiling as they stared down at the tadpoles flickering in the depths of the water. The jonin nodded curtly to the paddler, upon noticing that the old man had been looking to him for a signal to start rowing toward the pier.

He exhaled and extended his long legs, attempting to lean back, but to no avail. His backpack was boring into his spine, preventing him from enjoying the experience to it's full extent. Kakashi removed the damn thing with frustration and plopped it onto his lap, heaving another sigh. _Let's try this again._

The copy ninja slumped against the wall of the boat, his head slightly nodded forward in exhaustion. As much as Kakashi hated to admit it, he was tired. Really _, really_ tired. The fact that his muscles ached as if he had ran the whole of the journey to the boat, truly made him despise his body. Like, _come on_ , he didn't even really use any chakra.

And on top of that, it had become sharply apparent by that point that his medication had "worn off". Kakashi would be kidding himself if he said that the headache was faint, or if he told himself that it was something he would be able to handle on a day to day basis. The pain bloomed at the top of his skull and radiated in waves all the way down to his jawline, not as intense as the monster headache that had encouraged him to overdose, but blatantly worse than the ones he dealt with every day.

He closed his sore, dry eyes and massaged his throbbing temples in an attempt to soothe the headache, one of the only things he really could do at the moment. If Kakashi was allowed, he would have greedily taken the pills stowed away in his backpack already, but unfortunately, he was strictly prohibited to taking the special drugs only twice a day, once in the morning and once at night.

Kakashi wiped the sweat accumulating on his clammy brow, only to have more perspire there in an instant. Unfortunately for him, the fog had decided to dissipate that day, so the sun was shining brightly on the back of his head and chafing his neck, making him even more uncomfortable than he already was.

"What's wrong?"

Kakashi blearily opened his eyes and glanced to his left, where Sasuke was looking at him expectantly, the faintest hints of concern tingeing his usually impassive expression.

"Are you…okay?" Sasuke started shyly, as if the words were too foreign to come out of his mouth.

"Yeah. Why do you ask?" Kakashi replied simply, granting his student a full view of his face, which made the Uchiha's frown only deepen.

"What's wrong with you? You look terrible," The Genin said more sternly, his brows furrowing as he inspected his sensei even further. And he was right; Kakashi certainly didn't look his best at the moment.

His visage was even paler than usual, and clammy with perspiration that hadn't accumulated on any of his students' flushed faces. He had pronounced dark circles under his lidded, bloodshot eyes. And in addition to that, Kakashi's pained breathing was starting to become audible, his chest rising and falling with every inhale and exhale.

"Oh, it's nothing…I'm fine," the jonin reassured his student, waving the Uchiha off with an unexpected series of yawns.

He slowly blinked a few times, tightly closing his moist eyelids in an attempt to ward off the sudden blurring of his vision.

"You're not fine," Sasuke stated dryly, placing a reluctant palm on the jonin's forehead, who was too exhausted to fight back. It was cool to the touch, no fever whatsoever, so his theory about Kakashi having a cold, or maybe the flu, was proven wrong. The Uchiha retracted his now moist hand and wiped it onto his white pants, even more confused than before.

"Don't worry…I'm just…tired," Kakashi slurred, the ringing in his ears getting louder with every passing moment. The blood steadily drained from his face, making him look sickly and pale as a sheet, almost like a ghost.

The jonin put a shaky hand to his forehead, his head lolling side to side.

"Kakashi?" Sasuke said loudly, sitting up in alarm at his sensei's worsening condition. Sakura and Naruto, having heard their teammate's disturbed cry whipped their heads around to look back at the rest of the group.

"Kakashi-Sensei? What's the matter?" Naruto cried upon noticing how ill and _unsteady_ his teacher looked. To the jonin, their voices seemed far off, as if he were underwater and someone was trying to speak to him from the surface.

"Ngh…" he moaned incoherently, feeling nauseatingly light-headed.

"Kakashi-Sensei!" Sakura exclaimed worriedly, jolting forward and placing a hand on his slumped shoulders. By that point, even Tazuna had scooted over in concern, remarking that the copy ninja "didn't look too good".

He gave one final groan before his eyes rolled back into his head, his muscles losing their tone. Kakashi crumpled into a limp heap, falling sideways, onto Sasuke. The Uchiha caught him by the shoulders, straining to hold the dead weight of a grown man. All of his students' orbs, and even the bridge builder's, were wide with shock and confusion, as their captain's sudden collapse was completely unexpected.

It was Tazuna who first spoke up.

"We should lay him down. Come on now, we can't keep him in that position forever, can we?" the carpenter prompted, taking the lead. The three Genin nodded in solemn agreement, and lowered Kakashi onto the base of the wooden boat, placing a T-shirt that Naruto had procured from his overstuffed backpack under the jonin's head.

The group sat around the copy ninja in silence, nervously waiting for him to regain consciousness. Sakura lightly dabbed his clammy forehead with a small, pink handkerchief she had brought along with her, claiming that he would be more comfortable if his face was "dry".

Finally, with the pier slowly forming in the distance, Kakashi began to reclaim his lucidity.

He opened his eyes, blinking several times to make his surroundings a bit clearer. Upon glancing up, he saw that his students were surrounding his form, their round faces twisted into similar expressions of concern for their sensei. Kakashi sat up stiffly with a small grunt, a hand clutching his head.

"Kakashi-sensei?! Are you alright now?" Sakura asked out of relief that he regained consciousness, her hands clasped to her chest.

"Yeah…" he croaked. They all looked at the jonin skeptically, none of them believing his claim.

"Water! Get him some water!" Sakura called out authoritatively. Naruto nodded vigorously and immediately started to search through his the many contents of his messily packed rucksack. Before he could come up with the requested item though, Sasuke reached into his pouch and offered the kunoichi his own water bottle, who then forced it into Kakashi's hands.

"Here, sensei." He gave a small nod in thanks, before opening the cap and gazing at them shyly. At the moment, his mind was too blank to come up with a clever solution to keeping his face a secret.

Naruto, seeming to understand Kakashi's uneasiness, ordered everyone to turn away.

"Hey! Don't look at Sensei! Turn around!" Naruto exclaimed firmly, turning the other direction himself. The rest of them shifted the other way without argument, their gazes settling on the vast body of water they were traveling across. Tazuna was especially confused at first, thinking, _how could such a renowned ninja be so shy?_

Kakashi quickly pulled down his mask and guzzled the cool liquid rather greedily, drinking all of it in the end. After telling them, much to his chagrin, that it was okay to look, he handed Sakura an empty bottle, most of the color restored to his complexion.

"What happened, sensei? Why did you faint like that?" Naruto asked him seriously, his concerned cerulean orbs locking with Kakashi's dark ones. The jonin immediately felt he had the need to reassure them with a crescent eyed smile.

"Ah, it's nothing, really. I skipped out on dinner last night and also missed breakfast today, since I was in a hurry. I guess I was pretty dehydrated too. I really do need to start drinking more water…" he said quickly, still a bit drowsy. It wasn't completely a lie, but it wasn't even close to the truth. Sasuke looked at him skeptically, eyes narrowing as if he were trying to read Kakashi's mind.

"You're a grown man, aren't you? Honestly, start taking care of yourself like you're supposed to," Tazuna rebuked obliviously.

"I-I would give you something to eat, but I didn't pack any food…" Sakura said softly, her eyes shining with undiluted worry. _He said he missed breakfast the last time he fainted, too…_

"And the only thing I packed was cup ramen! I would give it to you right now, if it weren't for the three minutes needed to heat it up!" Naruto exclaimed, cursing the three minutes needed to cook his ramen. Kakashi smiled genuinely, touched by their concern.

"I'm really not that hungry…" he told them, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment at all the attention he was getting.

Before Tazuna could invite the team to dinner, per say, the paddler pulled into the pier, halting before another wooden dock that would lead them into the small town in which Tazuna lived with his daughter and grandson.

"This here bridge will lead you into the village," The rower told them with his scratchy voice, gesturing toward the dock they were parked in front of.

The team thanked him for the ride and started to get off, Kakashi going first this time. There was a small, wooden ladder extending beneath the landing stage to help them climb to the surface, but the danger of falling back into the deep depths of the water below them was still present.

Once everyone's feet were firmly planted onto the surface of the "bridge", they started toward Tazuna's humble abode, Kakashi's backpack weighing down on his shoulders yet again.

* * *

"Well, this is it," Tazuna told his escorts. The group had stopped in front of the front door of his home, finally arriving a little before evening after a whole tiring day of traveling.

"…I guess we should take our leave, then," Kakashi started stonily, his hands tucked deep into his pockets. He pivoted on his heel to start the journey back home, ignoring the disappointed faces of his students-well, Sakura and Naruto's disappointed faces, because Sasuke didn't really care if they stayed or not.

"Hey, wait!" Tazuna called frantically, "Why don't you stay for dinner?" Kakashi paused mid step, turning back around. He glanced down at his Genin; two of the three flushed, sweaty faces had lit up at the offer.

"No, no, I don't want to impose," Kakashi politely started for all of them, "And if we want to reach the Inn by nightfall, then we need to leave as soon as possible. Tazuna crossed his muscled arms, unimpressed.

"Oh, _come on!_ You practically collapsed today, so at least stop to eat something! It's not "imposing", cause I'm sure my family will be glad to see you again," Tazuna encouraged loudly, " And I'd be more than happy to let you guys stay here for the night. Being a family of only three people, we have some extra space."

Kakashi scratched his forehead, a thoughtful gaze fixed on the wearing straps of his blue sandals. The Jonin's students looked up at him expectantly, quietly waiting for his approval.

 _*Grumble, grumble_ *

Kakashi's head shot up in the direction of the unmistakable sound of churning stomach acids. He found himself staring at an uncharacteristically flustered Sasuke, who was clutching his rumbling stomach as if doing so would shut it up. Naruto held a hand to his mouth to halt his laughter, but loud snorts escaped through anyway. The copy ninja lightly chuckled himself, looking back at Tazuna.

"Well, as long as it's fine with you…" Kakashi answered sheepishly, approving of the idea. Naruto and Sakura cheered simultaneously, giving each other ecstatic high fives without even realizing it. Sasuke just pouted and averted his eyes, a faint blush still dusting his pale cheeks.

"Great! I'm sure you'll love my daughter's cooking!" Tazuna boasted happily as he slid open the Japanese styled door and strolled into the small house, taking his shoes off at the entrance. The rest of them followed him in, also leaving their sandals by the front door.


	11. Chapter 11: A Sensei's Responsibility

Chapter 11: A Sensei's Responsibility

When he was sure that the door was closed and no one was in the room that Tazuna's family had lent the team, Kakashi slowly unzipped his vest, and after a moment's hesitation, pulled his long sleeved shirt off as well, leaving on his tight, black tank top.

His students were currently changing into their night clothing as well; Naruto and Sasuke, with great difficulty, had compromised to undress in a spare room, while Sakura took the bathroom for privacy, being the only girl of the group.

Reaching into his backpack, Kakashi procured a pair of neatly folded sweatpants, ones that he often donned to bed. The jonin quickly pulled off the slacks he had worn the whole day and replaced them with the said pajama pants, tying the two dangling strings at the waist.

While they were changing in separate rooms, the team was actually going to sleep together in the room that Kakashi was currently inside of, as to not burden Tazuna more than they already had.

A small crease of confusion became apparent between his two silver eyebrows as the loose pants slid down to his hips, even with the knot at the waistband tied firmly in place.

 _That's strange…They're too big for me now?_

Kakashi undid the knot and tied the two strings tighter than he was used to, so that his pants would not fall down again.

He knew that he had lost weight-more than just one person had pointed that out to him-but what confused him the most was that the pants were still loose, even after he had been forced to have two servings of each dish that Tsunami had put her heart into making. Everyone was so concerned about how he had "collapsed" earlier in the day that they stuffed him to the brim with the food at the dinner table.

Kakashi still remembered it clearly: As his daughter set the food onto the table with a gracious smile, and proceeded to serve everyone ample amounts of seasoned rice and boiled fish, Tazuna casually mentioned the incident on the boat, even going as far as to say that Kakashi didn't eat breakfast or dinner from the previous night!

So as he ducked his head in embarrassment, Tsunami scolded him and piled enough for two onto his plate, snidely remarking, "Why is it that whenever you come to the Land of Waves, you end up fainting?"

But despite his bloated stomach, it had been a nice meal to eat, and not only because of the admittedly fine taste of the food. The atmosphere at the dinner table was warm and lively, laughs ringing through the air as if they were destined to do so. It almost felt as if the team had been invited into Tazuna's small family.

The jonin removed ungloved hands from his waistline, relieved that his pants were not in danger of falling down and ridding him of his remaining dignity. His eyes flitted around attentively, once again checking to see if anyone was nearby. After concluding that he was alone, Kakashi took his rumpled day clothing and stuffed it back into his rucksack, hands coming back up with an orange, cylindrical bottle.

Quickly, he screwed off the cap and shook two out into his pale palm. After turning away from the sliding entrance and pulling down his characteristic mask, Kakashi tossed the pills into his open mouth, swallowing them dry. The jonin covered his face once more and silently tucked the container back into his backpack, having done the very thing he had anxiously been waiting to do the whole day.

The copy ninja trudged to the provided futon, Icha Icha in hand. Slowly, he lowered himself onto the thin mattress and pulled a warm blanket over himself, sinking his head into the soft, white pillow. Kakashi heaved a contented sigh and opened his favorite book to where he had left off.

Three other futon had been laid out to his left, a small space between each of them. They were neatly made with standard white sheets, a single pillow oriented at the top of each. Basically, they looked exactly like his, before he had inhabited it, of course. Looking over at the mattresses next to him, Kakashi wondered with another sigh, this time not contented, what his students were up to.

Right then, as if on cue, the door to the modest space opened with a loud whoosh, jerking the jonin's attention away from his lewd novel. Naruto and Sasuke barged in with thudding, angry footsteps, and their raised voices just made it even more blatant to their Sensei that they were in the middle of an argument.

They _had_ both changed into T shirts and shorts, Naruto's outfit being much "brighter" than Sasuke's, but it was apparent by that point that something happened in between.

"I'm never changing with you again!" Naruto proclaimed huffily, plopping onto the futon next to the copy ninja, his back to Sasuke, who had taken the mattress on the far right to put as much distance as he could between himself and the "blond idiot".

"Neither am I!" Sasuke hissed in return, angrily turning to face the bland wall next to the bed he had claimed. Kakashi sighed and wearily sat up, snapping his book shut.

"What is it now?" he questioned tiredly, his baritone voice laced with annoyance.

"It's him!" Naruto started vehemently, eyes wide, "he _peeked_ at me!" Sasuke whirled around, ready to retort.

"I thought you were done, idiot! It isn't my fault you take so freaking long!" the Uchiha exclaimed, his lips pulled into a petulant scowl, a shamed blush dusting the apples of his cheeks.

"Enough…" Kakashi said lowly, massaging his temples.

"Yeah, right! And don't call me that!" Naruto growled with a strained voice, jutting an accusatory finger at his teammate.

"I said _enough,_ already!"

Naruto and Sasuke stopped abruptly, staring at their sensei with unmasked surprise at his raised voice.

"Stop fighting," he started, softer than before, "You're both boys, so even if Sasuke had seen you, then it would be fine, Naruto. And don't talk too loud or else you'll wake Tazuna and his family, if they are sleeping."

They nodded quietly, not in agreement that it was okay to see each other naked, but because they didn't want to stir Tazuna, Tsunami, and Inari out of their sleep. The two Genin also didn't want to rile up their sensei again.

"You guys should probably go to sleep," Kakashi suggested upon seeing that they were still in sitting position, the sheets untouched. Naruto yawned and slipped into the covers without putting up a fight, drawing them over his head, leaving just a few blonde locks peeking out from the top. Sasuke hesitated for a few moments, but soon enough, he too sunk into his mattress, laying straight and stiff as a log as he stared up at the ceiling.

"Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto called, his voice muffled under the blankets.

"Hm…" the jonin grunted in respose, his gaze fixed on the sliding doors.

"…Where's Sakura? Shouldn't she be here by now?" the Uzumaki wondered aloud. Sasuke remained quiet, but internally, he was asking himself the same question.

"Don't worry. She's probably just taking care of some business," Kakashi reassured the two of them. But, after a few more minutes of waiting for his last student to arrive, he was only rewarded with Naruto's loud snores and Sasuke's even inhales and exhales, an indication that his Genin were fast asleep. Well, at least two of them were.

 _They must have been tired…_

He sighed for probably the fiftieth time that day, feeling the exhaustion weighing down on him.

 _Where is she…?_ The jonin-sensei thought, looking over at the empty, untouched futon on between Naruto and Sasuke. Before he could get up to find her though, the door slowly opened a crack, a lone jade orb peeking through.

"Sakura?" Kakashi croaked, "Why are you standing there like that? Come in."

She fidgeted uncomfortably behind the door, her eyes flitting around nervously.

"Sakura," he said again, this time a bit more firmly. The kunoichi made no movement to come inside, or even open the door the whole way, for that matter.

"Kakashi-sensei…can you come over here? Please…" she asked timidly, almost as if she were desperate, breaking into a cold sweat.

His gaze softened at the anxious energy she was exuding and he hesitantly stood up to his full stature, knees cracking. Kakashi slowly walked to the door and slid it open, stepping out to talk to his student.

"So, what's the problem?" he asked coolly, once he was situated in front of her. The jonin noticed that she hadn't changed into her pajamas like the rest of their team had; Sakura was wearing the same red qipao dress she had donned for the mission. Before the kunoichi answered his question, she reached over and shut the door completely, not wanting her other two teammates to witness their conversation.

"It's…well…" Sakura's legs trembled, her gaze drawn to the floor in embarrassment. Kakashi raised a silver eyebrow at her strange behavior.

"What's wrong, Sakura?" he asked once more, this time with worry tingeing his voice.

"U-Um…I…" she started with a deep gulp, "I'm on my…" Kakashi waited patiently to hear what she had to say, a hand resting at his hip.

"I got my…It's that time of the month…" Sakura squeaked out, her face beet red, hoping that he would get the message. Fortunately for her, Kakashi-sensei did get the message, a slight blush dusting his own pale cheeks. _Why is she telling me this?_

"…Is this your first time? Do you need me to explain it to you?" he questioned after a few moments of uncomfortable silence, not very eager to actually describe to her how a woman's body worked.

"N-no…I just didn't think to bring any p-pads," she replied with quivering lips, mortified that she was having to tell her sensei, a _man_ , this.

 _Oh. So that's what this is about._

"I-I only came to y-you because I didn't know who else to g-go to…"

After that, Sakura lost it. Tears freely tracked down to her chin, her throat producing small whimpers and hiccups. She had lost all of her _dignity!_

His eyes widened, as he was unsure of how he was going to get her to stop crying.

"Hey, hey, there's no reason to cry. It's okay, Sakura," he reassured her awkwardly, "…So…you didn't pack any pads, huh?"

She nodded solemnly, another sob escaping through her parted lips upon hearing Kakashi utter the word "pad".

"Oh…I see…well, I'll go and…get you some?" Kakashi told her uneasily, scratching the bit of skin between his forehead and nose. He wasn't even sure how he was going to _do_ that.

 _Okay…pads, where can I find those? Ugh, it sounds kind of weird, even when I think it. Anyway, back to the problem at hand; I need to get Sakura a pad or two…but I'm really not in the mood to go to some random convenience store in a town that I'm barely familiar with._

The jonin glanced over at the lone Kunoichi, whose cries of humiliation had died down to a series of wet sniffles.

 _Wait…Sakura's a girl, and so is Tazuna's daughter…that means they have the same bodily functions. Perhaps she has some…_

"Hey, Sakura, have you tried asking Tsunami…?"

"Y-you're the only one I came to…" she replied timidly, her gaze fixed on the wooden floor.

"Well, why don't you ask her, then?" he suggested tersely, rubbing the back of his aching neck. After hearing Kakashi's innocent proposition, Sakura almost started crying again.

"My dress…is _ruined_ from the back," she whined noisily, a few salty tears tracing her round cheeks. Kakashi nodded tiredly, trying his best to understand her predicament.

"Okay. I'll go down and find a few for you," the copy ninja relented with a sigh, "You'll need more than one, right?"

"Mm-hmm…"she mumbled incoherently, wiping her running nose with a pale forearm.

"Just stay put, I'll only be a moment," Kakashi told Sakura with a weary smile, attempting to cheer her up with a few light pats on the head.

And with that, he tiptoed down the hall and made his way down the narrow stairwell, careful not to make a single sound. Kakashi ventured out into the rest of the modest home, wandering first into the dimly lit kitchen, which, to his disappointment, was empty.

 _Man, I don't want to go out and buy them right now…_

"Kakashi-sensei?" the jonin jerked toward the noise, exhaling in relief when he realized that it was Tsunami herself who had called out to him. He trudged to the living room that the woman was occupying, reclined on a shabby armchair as she knitted a westernized shirt with blue thread. Kakashi halted a few feet from the shabby coach Tsunami was using, suddenly not sure of how he was going to ask her for a _pad_ , out of all things. She'd probably think he was a weird pervert, or something…

"How can I help you?" the older of the two adults asked with a polite smile, looking up from her unfinished piece of clothing. The jonin shifted his weight uncomfortably, wishing that his sweatpants had pockets he could stuff his hands into.

"Um…well, you see…my student is a girl, and…and…" he trailed awkwardly.

"You mean Sakura? She has very nice hair," Tsunami commented casually, always having an eye for anything "pretty".

"Er, yes…I'm talking about her," Kakashi replied, gulping nervously, "the thing is…"

"The thing is…?" the woman followed with a raised eyebrow, waiting to hear what he had to say. Kakashi cleared his throat. _I really did not sign up for this._

"Sakura seems to have started her, um, menstrual cycle," he uttered quickly, the visible portion of his face taking on the shade of tomato, "and unfortunately, she did not pack any pads…so, do you have any that she could use?"

Tsunami's eyes widened in realization, a slight blush dusting across her own cheeks. But then, the hilarity of the situation hit her; the copy ninja was asking her for a _pad_. The woman started to chuckle, and those chuckles soon escalated into hearty laughs, which made Kakashi all the more uncomfortable.

 _Well, at least she doesn't think I'm a pervert…_

"Why didn't she just come and ask me?" Tsunami thought aloud between amused giggles, wiping a small tear that had escaped through her eye from laughing so hard. The man shrugged in return, rubbing the back of his silver head of hair. He honestly didn't know why Sakura had come to him, her _male_ sensei, instead of just going to the woman of the household.

"Okay, I'll be back in a sec," she told him as she stood up, setting her knitting materials down onto the armrest of the couch and disappearing into one of the first floor rooms of the house. It was probably her own, he assumed, leaning against the wall.

Tsunami returned after a few moments, just as she had promised, clutching a plastic grocery bag.

"Here," she said, thrusting it out to him, "I put in five or six so she can travel comfortably tomorrow."

"Thank you very much," Kakashi uttered with a smile, taking the bag, "I'm sure Sakura will appreciate it."

Tsunami smiled in return, waving off his thanks, "It's no problem, really. And I think it's very sweet that you did that for your student."

She plopped back onto the couch, picking up her knitting from where she had left off.

"Well, I'd better go back up…Sakura's probably waiting for me," the jonin said, pivoting on his heel to make the trip back to the team's current room.

"Yeah, good night. Tell me if you need anything else."

When Kakashi plodded up the stairs and down the hall to the room they had been lent, he found Sakura curled up on the ground in the hallway, the same place he had left her. The kunoichi's arms were wrapped around her knees, head nodded forward to the extent that her pink locks obscured most of her face from view.

 _She must be exhausted…_

"Sakura," he called softly, crouching down to her level. She didn't respond coherently, as she was half asleep; it was pretty late in the night, way past her bed time. Kakashi yawned, eyes watering.

"Sakura, you need to get up," the jonin tried again, lightly patting one of her slumped shoulders. This time, she groaned, rubbing her groggy jade orbs and readjusting her position on the hard floor.

"…Kakashi-sensei?" she said sleepily, squinting up at him, "Did you get them?"

"Yeah," he replied, handing her the plastic bag, "Now hurry up. I don't want you to miss out on sleep."

Sakura nodded gratefully, before dashing off to the bathroom, which, thankfully, was only a few paces away.

After watching his student dart off, Kakashi stood up and tiredly slid open the entrance to their room, Naruto and Sasuke's snores immediately becoming known to his ears as he made his way over to the futon on the far left.

Heaving a weary sigh, Kakashi slid into bed, pulling the warm blankets up to his masked chin. He shifted to his side, the one facing away from his three students, and curled up into fetal position, closing his burning, exhausted eyes. The day had definitely taken it's toll on the copy ninja, and he desperately needed some sweet shut-eyes.

Yes…just a little, if not a full night of sleep would do him good…

The door slid open suddenly, jerking Kakashi out of the semi-conscious state he had entered. Sakura shut it behind her, clad in a pair of matching pink, cotton pajamas, and promptly collapsed onto her own futon, the one in between her two male teammates. She was so tired that she didn't even fan girl about how she was sleeping right next to her precious Sasuke.

"Oh…I almost forgot…" the kunoichi mumbled, her face buried into a pillow, "Thanks, Kashi-sensei."

"…Anytime, Sakura…" he murmured in return, eyes still closed shut.

And with that, the whole team had fallen asleep. Well, at least for an hour or two.

* * *

Being the lone jonin of Team 7, Kakashi was able to detect the slightest noise or movement, the smallest of aberrations in the atmosphere, while his Genin were not skilled enough to do so. Taking this into account, it was no surprise when in the middle of the night, Naruto's strangled sobs stirred the copy ninja out of his slumber.

His dark orbs opened groggily, met with a dim sort of darkness and the small, snoring forms of his three students to his right. Well, two of them, Sakura and Sasuke, were sleeping soundly, but the orange clad ninja was tossing and turning, his breath catching convulsively as he wet the blanket with uncharacteristic tears.

Kakashi sat up abruptly, a deep crinkle of worry becoming known between his two eyebrows upon seeing the usually joyful and charismatic ninja _crying_ , mumbling incoherent sentences between pitiful hiccups.

"P-please…y-you can't l-leave…" Naruto murmured, clenching his blanket tightly, his forehead beaded with sweat.

 _He's having a nightmare_ , Kakashi realized dryly, having had his share of unpleasant dreams.

"Naruto…"the jonin whispered, placing a pale palm on one of the blonde's trembling shoulders. It was better to just wake him up from the upsetting dream rather than having to witness him suffer through it.

"Naruto, wake up. You're having a nightmare," Kakashi said urgently, shaking him lightly.

The Uzumaki shot up into sitting position with a gasp, his breathing rapid and uneven. Naruto's cerulean orbs flitted around in panic, widening when he realized that he was not in the comfort of his own bedroom.

"Calm down, Naruto," the jonin uttered sternly, upon hearing the Genin's quickening breaths. Naruto's eyes darted toward the familiar voice.

"K-Kakashi-S-sensei?" Naruto questioned tremulously, salty tear tracks marring the tan flesh of his round cheeks. _It was just a dream. Just a dream._

"Come on now, lie down," Kakashi prompted softly, gently pushing him back down onto the mattress.

"So, you had a bad dream, huh?" the copy ninja asked once the child had calmed down enough, still sitting up on his own futon. Naruto nodded silently, wiping away the wetness on his face with a sniff.

"…Do you want to talk about it?" The child shook his head vigorously, tightly closing his eyes and biting his bottom lip. Kakashi rubbed the back of his neck, unsure of what to do.

"C-can…can you…tell me a story?" Naruto choked out with a gulp, turning the other way in embarrassment. He was starved of any kind of parental affection, and it was in times like these that he so desperately yearned for it. The jonin's eyes widened.

"You want me to tell you a story?" he questioned incredulously. The blonde curled into himself, gulping down the growing lump in his throat.

"Never mind…M' sorry for asking…" Naruto whispered, his form trembling unconsciously. Kakashi's gaze softened.

"Don't apologize. I'll tell you a story, but be warned: I'm sort of bad at this kind of stuff," the sensei told his student sheepishly. Naruto smiled, shifting so that his back was to Sakura and his gaze was fixed on Kakashi's crisscrossed lap.

 _He's my sensei's son…I should take better care of him._

"Ready to hear it?" Kakashi questioned nervously, formulating a story in his mind, remembering bits and pieces of tales that he had been told by the White Fang himself. Naruto nodded and closed his eyes, his lips pulling upward into another grin.

"Er…Once upon a rhyme-I mean, time- there was a hideous goose that lived in a, um, forest," he started with a gulp, "And all the other animals ridiculed it for being so plain and ugly." Right away, Naruto knew something was off about the story. Wasn't the "Hideous Goose", supposed to be an _Ugly Duckling_?

"Actually, it was adopted by another family of birds, I think, but these birds were beautiful swans, unlike the hideous goose," Kakashi continued, a bit more confident than before, "All of their friends were very confused; they didn't understand why there was a random goose child living amongst a family of beautiful swans. But they had their own theories, of course."

"A family of gossiping beavers started to spread rumors about the mother swan having an affair with a goose, and all the animals, believing the beavers, left the forest in disgust-"

"Hold up, hold up! You're getting it all wrong, Kakashi-Sensei. It's an ugly duckling, not a hideous goose, and no one spreads rumors in the story," Naruto corrected, his eyes snapping open at the last bit about a swan having an affair with a goose.

"Hey, It's the only one I've got, so take it or leave it," Kakashi retorted with a shrug.

"Fine, fine…go on," Naruto grumbled after a few moments, rubbing his tired cerulean orbs.

"Okay, so where was I? Oh, yeah-all the animals left the forest after hearing of the rumors that the beaver family spread. Eventually, only the swan family was left," he proceeded, "Soon, the hideous goose became very upset, because he thought the swans would leave him too, just like all the others did. So one day, as the remaining family swam across the pond as a flock to find food, he distanced himself from them, scared that it would hurt when they left-"

"They're leaving?" Naruto murmured sleepily. Kakashi sighed.

"Just listen to the story, Naruto," he chided lightly, before going on.

"The hideous goose kept trying to get further and further away from them, so that he could get used to the pain of loneliness if they were to leave him alone. But the swans noticed, and it saddened them that he was drifting," Kakashi said with a yawn, "So one night, when he was sitting outside of the house and gazing up at the stars, crying and wondering where his biological parents were, the swan mother came out with her husband, followed by their other children…"

"They're leaving, aren't they…"Naruto trailed sadly, his eyes losing their spark.

"But instead of starting the journey out of the forest, the swan mother and father came to the goose and spread their wings around him protectively," the jonin uttered with a warm smile, "Then, the little swan children waddled over as well, completing the group hug."

Naruto smiled, laughing joyfully at the happy ending.

 _Are you watching, Minato-Sensei? I made your son laugh._

"So, you see, in the end, the hideous goose didn't need to become beautiful, or even find his biological parents. He already had his real family, one he formed through bonds of love," Kakashi finished, wondering if he had made his story too childishly cheesy.

"…Naruto?" Kakashi said, when he didn't get an answer. Upon looking down at the futon to his left, he realized that the Uzumaki was fast asleep, his breathing even, a contented smile on his face.

* * *

Kakashi trudged down the narrow stairwell, fully clothed in his jonin uniform, backpack slung across one shoulder. All of his students were already downstairs, tucking into the breakfast that Tsunami had prepared for them before they were to leave.

He had been the last one to fall sleep, so consequently, he was the last one to rise in the morning. But even though he had gotten at least a few hours of undisturbed sleep after attending to Naruto's needs in the middle of the night, Kakashi still felt so sore and weary.

The copy ninja trudged toward the dining room where he assumed everyone was seated, and remembering that his pants didn't fit around his waist as well as they used to, he decided that he _was_ going to eat a big breakfast, whether he liked it or not. Kakashi didn't want to lose all of his muscle tone, or even fat, and become a literal scarecrow like his name suggested.

Entering the dining area, though, he saw that everyone, which included the three Genin and Tazuna's family, was sitting around the large table, laughing jovially, but with cleaned plates. And upon inspecting the scene even further, he noticed that the platters holding the main dishes were empty as well, save for a handful of steamed rice and a piece of rolled, probably cold, omelette.

 _So much for trying to gain weight…_

Tazuna, finally noticing Kakashi standing there by the entrance, face unimpressed and dark circles shadowing his eyes, ushered him in.

"Hey, why don't you join us?" the older man prompted with a smile, gesturing for him to take the remaining chair at the far end of the table and join the conversation that they were having.

"I don't know…By now, we should actually be back at the village," Kakashi replied placidly, everyone's eyes on him.

 _Lady Tsunade will start to wonder if I'm injured, or dead, since this was originally a mission that should've taken a single day, not two_ , he thought to himself.

"But you haven't even had breakfast yet!" Tsunami pointed out, "Hold on, I'll whip some more up for you."

Before she could even get up though, Kakashi quickly said, "No, no, please don't bother. I'm not very hungry, since I ate a bit too much last night."

He didn't want to trouble her more than he already had, and it only seemed right refuse the gracious offer. But the woman, being a mother, had a keen eye for any kind of weight loss, so she noticed that he was a bit "lankier" than the last time he had stayed at their house.

"It'll only take a few minutes," Tsunami said slowly, eyes narrowed as she took in his thinning frame.

"There's no need, really. If I get hungry, then I'll pick something up on the way," Kakashi started, embarrassed at all of the attention, "And besides, we should get going as soon as possible. Lady Tsunade will get aggravated if we're too late, since she has other missions to give us."

"Hold on, we'll pack you something to eat," Tazuna said authoritatively, raising a hand to stop the jonin and throwing a meaningful glance at his daughter, which prompted her to hurry into the kitchen for a bento box that she could put his breakfast in.

And, so, with a container filled to the brim with pieces of fruit and the leftover breakfast on the table, Kakashi headed back home to the Hidden Leaf with his three Genin disciples.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** This chapter was basically fluff, cause I didn't know when to insert the drama, but be prepared: stuff is about to go down in the upcoming ones! Anyway, please leave reviews on what you thought of this, it would be appreciated. Also, please tell me what you thought of the separate scenes with Sakura and Naruto, that's honestly what I'm really worried and unsure about.


	12. Chapter 12: Falling

Chapter 12: Falling

 **It happened too suddenly for him to realize it was happening, as if a disaster struck and ruined everything in it's path in just a few mere seconds, without any prior warning.**

Well, saying that his body wasn't giving him warning signs would be a lie. Kakashi had noticed the blatant soreness of his muscles and the constant ache in his head, but he ignored this, putting it to the side as if it were a mere graze from a kunai, when it really was something much more serious. Part of the reason Kakashi buried this constant pain and fatigue into the deepest part of his consciousness was because he still refused to believe that there was anything wrong with him, that he had a _tumor_ in his brain. He denied the fact that he was morphing into someone he didn't know, and that he didn't have enough stamina to carry out a proper mission. He wouldn't- he _couldn't_ accept that he would soon be unable to fight as a shinobi.

But on the morning after the mission to the Land of Waves, it was extremely hard for him to simply ignore his body's protests for him to lie down, to relax for just one day, if not take the whole week off. To put it bluntly, Kakashi woke up on the wrong side of his queen sized bed. It took him a long while to actually ease himself up and off of the hard mattress, since his head was pounding with such bitter virulence, as if it were punishing him for not taking proper measures to insure that he was in good health. Well, as "good" as his health could be with his current predicament.

When he finally did manage to plant his feet on the cold wood of his floor , he was so intensely disoriented from the sharp throbbing of his headache and how his stomach was turning so mercilessly, that he had to use the wall for support to make the inevitable trip to the restroom down the hall. He plowed on nonetheless, his determination to get through the whole day overpowering the voice in the back of his mind that told him to slink back under the covers until he felt well enough.

So, after slipping into his uniform, Kakashi tiredly body flickered to the training grounds against his better judgement, skipping out on breakfast out of fear that it would come right back up. He used the technique with the false hope that it wouldn't _ruin_ him in front of his Genin and because of the fact that his legs were too sore and stiff to make the trip on foot.

*POOF*

It was a mistake. His body made sure he knew that.

Kakashi's stomach flew up to his throat; the technique, which required moving at practically untraceable speeds, had undoubtedly worsened his already unbearable symptoms. He put a shaky hand to his masked mouth, his forehead beaded with cold, clammy sweat.

"Kakashi-sensei! Finally, you're here!" a certain blonde ninja called out. The Uzumaki jogged toward his sensei upon hearing the familiar 'poof', his two teammates following closely behind him. The three genin skidded to a stop in front of the jonin, arms crossed petulantly.

The copy ninja's body jerked with a sudden impulse to gag, the visible portion of his face taking on a sickly white color. The angry disposition of his three students was quickly replaced with concern. Maybe their sensei really did have a reason for arriving later than usual...

"Ne, Kakashi-sensei? Are you feeling alright?" Sakura started timidly, "Because you don't look so goo-"

Kakashi couldn't hold it in anymore. Instead of reassuring her like he wanted to, like a sensei was _supposed_ to, he clumsily turned to face away from them, falling to his knees as his aching legs gave away beneath him. The jonin yanked his mask down with haste, just in time to spill the contents of his stomach onto the perfectly dewy grass. The three teens jolted forward, at their sensei's side in a second.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto cried out in disbelief, placing an alarmed hand on the man's shaking shoulders. Kakashi painfully heaved once more, a glistening, colorless stomach acid splattering across the ground, the grotesque sounds of his retching penetrating their ears instead of his usual excuses for being tardy.

"Why'd you come to training if you were sick?!" Sasuke questioned urgently, a bead of sweat forming at his brow. The three of them stood around Kakashi anxiously, their worry clouding the surprise they had at unintentionally seeing how his face looked for the first time. Sakura stepped forward and started rubbing circles across his hunched back as he vomited, her hands trembling.

Kakashi shamefully gagged on the burning liquid that he was bringing up, truly regretting coming to training that day. He was horrified that they had to see him in such circumstances, that they were forced to witness the illness he had been trying to hide so dutifully. Sasuke was right; he should've stayed at home and dealt with his ailment by himself. He shakily wiped his lips and pulled his mask back up, forcing himself to sit up straighter. With a hand clutching his sore abdomen, Kakashi attempted to stand.

He tried pushing his legs up, but after a few pained grunts, he realized that he simply _couldn't_. Kakashi had taken this too far. He hadn't paid enough attention to how he was feeling, what his body was trying to tell him. But he couldn't just sit there forever; he needed to get up, at least so that he could make the trip back home-

"Sit down, Kakashi," Sasuke commanded sternly, taking the lead since Sakura and Naruto were frozen at their feet, too shaken up to say anything. Kakashi-sensei was supposed to be the _strong_ one, a ninja that doesn't break a sweat even when fighting the worst of enemies.

Kakashi slumped to the ground, defeated. Defeated by his own body.

"Sakura," the Uchiha uttered, turning toward the kunoichi, "Get Asuma, he's on the training field right next to ours. "

As intelligent and independent as Sasuke was, he himself didn't know how to handle the situation. Sasuke knew Kakashi was ill, that there was something that was just _wrong_ with him, but he didn't know what it was, or how to treat it, for that matter. After a few moments of unintelligible silence, Sakura nodded vigorously, her face set with determination. She dashed off, running faster than her legs were used to.

"Um...Kakashi-Sensei, let's move to that tree, okay?" Naruto started softly, pointing toward a large oak tree in the distance, that offered a generous amount of shade, "So the sun won't bother you too much, ya know."

Without even waiting for the jonin's reply, Naruto grabbed one of his limp arms and threw it over his shoulders, gesturing for Sasuke to take the other. The three of them made the trip in relative silence, choosing to ignore the way Kakashi's feet dragged over the grass, making a distinct shuffling sound, and how he was leaning on them so heavily, as if he were barely conscious.

Kakashi grunted as they eased him onto the ground, his legs stretched out in front of him as he leaned back onto the bark. Sasuke remained standing, inspecting the jonin below him with a scrutinizing gaze, while Naruto decided to take the spot next to Kakashi.

"Kakashi-sensei..." Naruto said rather quietly for someone like him, adjusting his headband, "What's wrong with you?"

Kakashi tilted his head downward, his overgrown, silver hair shadowing over his face.

"I might be dumb, but I know there's somethin' wrong," Naruto continued intently, facing the jonin completely, " First the Land of Waves, and now this...you're alright, aren't you?"

There was a long pause. "I...I'm sorry..." Kakashi replied quietly, "I can't tell you anything."

Naruto frowned. "What? Why not?" he started tensely, "...I-Is something actually wrong?"

When Kakashi failed to answer, he had Sasuke's attention, too. Before either of the boys could say anything more though, they heard the sound of three pairs of different sandals running across the grass, coming their way. Turning, they saw Sakura leading Asuma toward them with Kurenai, who had been doing a combined training session with Team 10, at his side. Even from their spots by the tree, the ninja were able to discern the furrow in the other jonins' brows, and the worry lining their features.

"Kakashi? You okay?" Asuma questioned through soft pants, once the three had come to a stop in front of the copy ninja. Sakura immediately dashed to Kakashi's other side, the one that a disgruntled Naruto wasn't already occupying.

"Sakura was telling us how you fell over and threw up, " Kurenai continued for the Sarutobi, crouching on one knee so that she was eye-level with Kakashi, "Is everything alright? Are you sick?"

 _No. I'm not okay._

Kakashi gripped the grass that he was forced to rest on, his pale visage twisting into a look of anguish. This was torture. To have his comrades ask him over and over again if he was okay, when he was not, was simply _torture_. He couldn't tell them. He _wouldn't_ tell them.

Kakashi flinched, the cool touch of a feminine hand breaking him out of his thoughts. Kurenai's palm was resting on his sweaty forehead, worriedly checking for a fever.

 _If only I had a cold, an illness that goes away after a day or two._

"Well, he doesn't have a temperature," Kurenai announced, turning her gaze toward Asuma, "If anything, Kakashi's colder than normal."

"Did you eat something bad, Kakashi?" Asuma asked sternly, coming forward to get a closer look at the pale Hatake, "Or forget to take those antibiotics that Lady Tsunade was making you take?"

Kakashi choked out a few chuckles, ones that were painfully fake to him and everybody else.

"I...I guess I drank some spoiled milk for breakfast," he lied. Sasuke narrowed his eyes, now completely sure that there was something that Kakashi was hiding from them.

"Your vomit was clear, which means that you didn't drink milk for breakfast, or have anything else, for that matter. And even if you did get food poisoning _again,_ it wouldn't explain why you can't walk," the Uchiha said, catching him in the act of lying.

Kakashi blanched, his eyes widening as a terrible, nauseating cloak of anxiety settled over his heavy head.

"Come on, Kakashi, you're worrying me now. Just tell us what's wrong," Kurenai encouraged uneasily, feeling very confused. What was it that Kakashi was trying to hide?

He slowly brought his hands up to his face and stared at them intently, watching them shake without his permission. The feeling was so familiar, and that was what was so terrifying about it. Kakashi knew what was about to happen, and he wasn't looking forward to it.

 _I need to get away. I need to get away before they see it happen._

The copy ninja desperately scrambled to his two feet, clinging onto the tree trunk for support. Everyone watched incredulously as he limped away from them, his gait fast paced and uneven. He would have ran if he could.

"H-hey, Kakashi-sensei! Where are you going?!" Naruto shouted at the jonin's retreating back, "You're not well enough to-"

Without warning, the world tilted and Kakashi crumpled to the ground, his vision becoming hazy and obscured with black dots. He was too late.

Eyes widening, Kurenai and Asuma reflexively rushed to their collapsed friend, the three Genin following closely behind them. The two jonin crouched down at Kakashi's sides, assessing the situation to think of what could have possibly caused him to completely fall over.

"Kakashi?! Hey, talk to me, Kakashi!" Asuma shouted, lightly slapping one of the Hatake's cold cheeks. His head loosely bobbed from side to side every time the Sarutobi's callused hand made contact with his face, but he gave no answer. Kakashi looked up at him with one dull, glazed over eye, an indication that he wasn't all there anymore.

Then, "it" happened.

Kakashi's teeth clenched, loose drool slipping out of his lips and wetting his tight mask. It appeared as if he had stopped breathing, the only indication that he was alive being the noticeable tremor in his left hand. Kurenai leaned down and put her ear to his rigid chest, checking for a heart beat.

"His heart rate's irregular, Asuma...and fast..." the kunoichi reported in utter seriousness, tilting her head back up,"We should get Kakashi to the hospital, quick-"

The jonin's eyes rolled back into his head, a pained grunt passing through his parted lips as his back arched up off of the grass. They gaped in shock as Kakashi's arms started to spasm, the sharp electrical signals being sent down to his legs causing them to contract uncontrollably. Sakura and Naruto jolted forward, their feet moving forward of their own accord, but were stopped by a tanned arm.

"Move back! Don't come here!" Asuma warned them, quickly taking off his flak jacket, balling it up, and placing it under Kakashi's jerking head to act as a pillow of sorts. Asuma and Kurenai positioned themselves at Kakashi's side so that the three Genin had no view of the seizure.

"What's wrong with him! What's happening!" Sakura cried out in a panic, her eyes wide, "KAKASHI-SENSEI!"

She ran forward once more, hot tears streaming down her pale cheeks. The kunoichi had never seen a seizure in progression before, so naturally, because it was the first time she was witnessing one, it looked as if Kakashi's body was being taken over by a demon of sorts. She was honestly afraid for his life.

"Sakura, listen to me," Kurenai said sternly, turning and grabbing her by the shoulders before she could even catch a glimpse of her sensei's face, "You _can't_ come here. The best way you can help is by giving Kakashi some space, alright? He'll be fine in just a few moments, I promise."

Sakura nodded numbly and stepped into line with her two teammates, who were completely frozen in shock. Naruto's tanned visage had become a pasty white, and Sasuke's eyes were wide, a few lone dribbles of apprehensive sweat trickling down the sides of his face. The only thing they could see from their stances were the two crouched forms of Asuma and Kurenai, and Kakashi's violently convulsing legs. Amidst the unbearable silence, the only sounds they could hear were his pained gasps and gurgles for breath.

"Kurenai," Asuma uttered, looking down at the Hatake's convulsing form, "How long has he been seizing?"

"About four minutes and thirty," the kunoichi replied, the solemnity in her voice expressing how dire the situation was. Asuma's eyes widened.

"Shit. That means this is serious," The Sarutobi said, not too far from panicking himself, "We need to get some medical help, and fast. If a seizure lasts for over 2-3 minutes, then it's classified as an emergency."

"Well, we can't take him to the hospital like this, it'll just hurt him even more," Kurenai voiced sternly, "And we have to stay here and watch Kakashi."

Asuma nodded curtly, before turning to face the three Genin behind him. "Hey! One of you go get Lady Tsunade! Quickly!"

Naruto stepped forward before anyone else could. "I-I'll get Grandma Tsunade!" he declared, before bolting across the field to the Hokage Tower, not even giving anyone else a chance to approve of his sudden decision.

Kakashi choked on his excess spit, pupils dilating and shrinking at a rapid rate. Asuma grabbed his jerking shoulders , while Kurenai took hold of legs, and together they turned him to his side so that he wouldn't drown in his own secretions. Without a moment's hesitation, Kurenai hooked two fingers into his mask and pulled it down, her face fixed with the same stern gaze as she parted his quivering, blue lips and watched the bloody spittle and vomit trickle out of his mouth, trailing down his chin and onto the grass.

When Naruto finally did arrive with a flustered Tsunade, Kakashi was laying on his side, facing away from his students, and had stopped seizing. His one visible eye was extinguished of all it's light, his face as pale as a sheet of paper. Kurenai was clutching one of his limp, clammy hands, squeezing it as she encouraged him to stay conscious, while Asuma stood up to greet the hokage.

"How is he?!" Tsunade questioned urgently, immediately rushing to Kakashi's side and crouching down to get a better look at him, "Naruto told me he was "shaking a lot", did he have a seizure?"

"Kakashi was seizing for about five minutes, Lady Tsunade," Asuma informed her, hovering over the two women. The Hokage cursed under her breath, eyes widening.

"Kakashi? Oi, can you hear me, Kakashi?" she started, placing a manicured hand on one of his shoulders, her intent gaze locking on his one, dulled eye. The three Genin, who had been standing in the sidelines the whole time, hesitantly came forward and stood behind Tsunade to get a better look at Kakashi, feeling sick to their stomachs. They weren't dumb; Sasuke, Sakura, and even Naruto knew that for the hokage to have to come all the way to the training field, whatever had been afflicting their sensei must have been pretty serious.

Kakashi blinked lethargically, his own, blurry gaze settling on a haze of concerned expressions, namely on a head of blonde hair and a pair of wide, hazel eyes.

"La...Lady...Tsu-Tsunade," Kakashi managed to slur, the pain already kicking in, his consciousness dimming like a light. Warm relief spread over all of them at his response. At least he could recognize his hokage.

"Kakashi, you little idiot! I told you not to push yourself!" The Hokage said, more worried than angry, her eyes brimming with tears. Kurenai and Asuma's eyes narrowed in confusion at that. Why was Kakashi, out of all people, prohibited from pushing himself?

"...I'm okay...tell them I'm okay..." Kakashi croaked, looking behind the hokage and jonin to the rest of Team 7.

Then, everything started to fade once more, fuzzy, black dots obscuring the round faces of his students.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Sorry I haven't posted in like two weeks. I literally wrote this in comp sci while my teacher wasn't looking! ;) Please, please give me some feedback. Include some features or scenes that you would like me to put in, if you want him to live, or just random crap, honestly. I don't care if it's bad feedback! That would only help me fix my writing skills, right?


	13. Chapter 13: You Have to Tell Them Now

Chapter 13: You Have to Tell Them Now

Sakura clung onto Kakashi's cold, limp, hand, the one that wan't hooked up to a number of different IV catheters, her expression painted with dread upon seeing that her sensei was still sleeping like the dead. Naruto and Sasuke stood right next to their pink-haired teammate, both of them gripping the metal railing that lined the mattress as if their lives depended on it. They were thinking the exact same thing as her; It was about twelve in the morning, and practically a whole day had passed since Kakashi had initially lost consciousness, so why was he still sleeping?

They had refused to leave his side the whole day, as did Kurenai, Asuma and even Gai, who had seen them rushing to the hospital and came along without any hesitation. The image of Asuma cradling a limp, blue-faced Kakashi in his arms, jostling his motionless form as he ran, was engraved into Gai's mind. He never wanted to see Kakashi in such a weak, unmoving state ever again.

The usually exuberant shinobi was uncharacteristically quiet as he took in Kakashi's prominent dark circles and sickly pallor. God, he had been so naive-no, _selfish_. He'd thought that Kakashi would be fine with treatment, that he could handle this all on his own, just like he always did. But Kakashi had freaking _cancer_ , and he didn't visit him even once to check up on him, to make sure that he hadn't collapsed cold onto the ground. And now, his rival was laying in a hospital bed, a screen making sure that his heart was still beating, fluids being forced down his veins to restore his drained strength, the same strength that Gai had failed to preserve. He would never be able to forgive himself.

The door opened suddenly and Tsunade trudged in, Shizune at her side. The hokage had just finished going through Kakashi's treatment plan with the best of her medical staff for hours on end, so she was exhausted, as was her apprentice. Because of the unexpected seizure, which had lasted much too long, they were prompted to reconsider the date that the surgery was previously planned to take place on.

"Granny!" Naruto cried hopefully, breaking the tense silence that had settled over the room. The hokage gave a small, weary smile in return, before heading over to the copy ninja's bed side, all eyes on her.

"So," she started, noting how Kakashi's washed out visage rivaled the bleached, white color of the covers, "Has he woken up at all yet?"

The anxious air settled around them once more, before Kurenai spoke up for everyone.

"No, milady. He's been unconscious this whole time," she said softly, gaze directed to the center of the room, where the hospital bed was oriented. Tsunade nodded slowly, sighing as she took in the new information.

"Could it be that he's in a coma?" Asuma thought aloud, brows furrowed. It was possible, as Kakashi had even slept through his Genin's loud, conversational bickering.

Without answering the Sarutobi, Tsunade put a hand to Kakashi's shoulder and shook it lightly.

"Kakashi," she said gently, with a bit of firmness instilled into her voice at the same time, "It's time to get up now."

The occupants of the room, namely the Hatake's three Genin, watched, horrified, as he stayed completely still, the only indication that he was alive being the slight way that the sheets rose up and down every time he took in and let out a breath, and the hypnotic beating of the heart monitor itself.

"Come on, Kakashi. Open your eyes."

Tsunade frowned and shook him again, but was given the same response, which was nothing at all.

"L-lady Tsunade," Sakura whispered, her chin quivering, dark circles beginning to form under her jade eyes, "Is Kakashi-sensei in a c-coma?"

"Just hold on, Sakura," Tsunade said, attempting to comfort the Genin, "I seriously doubt that he is. After going through such a bad seizure, it's only natural that his body sleep it off."

 _But just to make sure..._

The hokage grasped the thin blankets in between her thumb and index fingers and slowly peeled them off, exposing Kakashi's chest to the sterile chill of the hospital room. Tsunade gathered her fingers into a fist and gently brought them down to Kakashi's sternum, resting her folded hand on Kakashi's chest for a few pondering moments, before grinding her fisted fingers across his breast bone, applying pressure that she knew for a fact would cause any lucid person to cry out in pain.

Sure enough, the Hatake let out a low groan in his sleep, his fingers twitching ever so slightly as he shifted uncomfortably on the mattress.

"Kakashi's perfectly fine, he's just sleeping," Tsunade informed them with a smile, gently pulling the blanket's edge back up to his neck. They all collectively released a breath that they hadn't realized they were holding.

"As for all of you guys," The Hokage started, her voice becoming stern once more, "Go down to the cafeteria on the first floor and get something to eat."

The group had been there the entire day, and hadn't stopped to eat dinner, or even lunch, using the argument that Kakashi needed someone to stay with him until he woke up.

"But Granny! Kakashi-sensei isn't even awake yet!" Naruto exclaimed exasperatedly, "We can't just leave him here...We _won't_ leave him here!"

"That's an _order_ , Naruto. If you fail to follow it, you are going against the Hokage's wishes."

The blonde pouted and looked away, his eyes squinted petulantly,"Hokage's wishes my foot! I'm not going to leave my sensei's side until he's better!"

"Naruto!" Sakura hissed, "That's the hokage you're talking to!"

But it wasn't like she didn't agree with him. One could tell by the way her eyes were red and swollen from crying, and how her grip had only tightened on Kakashi's pale, unresponsive hand, that Sakura also dreaded leaving Kakashi's bed side.

"No! No, you don't understand! I-I didn't do anything..." Naruto started, his voice cracking with emotion, cerulean orbs glistening with unshed tears, "I didn't do anything to help Kakashi-sensei...I just...I was useless!"

"Naruto..." Sakura whispered shakily, her bottom lip quivering.

Sasuke stood his ground in deafening silence, his trembling fists clenched at his sides, black bangs shadowing his eyes from view.

How was he supposed to have known how to handle the situation? That wasn't just something you learned in the Academy. Well, Sasuke probably could've done _something_ , but his body had completely frozen up. As much as his mind had screamed for his legs to move forward, to take at least one step in Kakashi's direction, they simply didn't, because he was...scared. Sasuke admitted it: He had been _terrified_.

The three jonin watched Kakashi's students lose their composure, the scene tugging the bottoms of their hearts. They knew one thing for sure: they would never want their students to be in the same predicament as the Genin before them.

"Oi," Tsunade said firmly, snapping everyone out of their stupors, "If you really want to help the brat, then go downstairs and eat something. I'm sure he wouldn't want any of you to go hungry."

No one, not even the the adults, moved a muscle toward the direction of the door. Tsunade sighed.

"You could also get Kakashi something to eat while you're there. He...He's pretty malnourished."

That statement seemed to convince everyone, as they slowly filed out of the room they had been occupying since morning, throwing one last glance at the Hatake, who looked so uncharacteristically weak in the depths of the white sheets that covered his form, before they left.

Tsunade waited until the group had exited the hospital room and closed the door behind them to heave another sigh.

"Shizune," she started, the exhaustion evident in her voice, "How are we going to tell him?"

"We'll just have to let him know of what to expect, just like we do with every other patient, Lady Tsunade..." her assistant replied, giving the standard, diplomatic answer.

"You saw how he reacted when we told him about the tumor, Shizune. And that was just the cancer itself...We hadn't even begun to talk about the treatment..."

Kakashi slowly opened his eyes, his strained gaze meeting a bleak, white ceiling. Even in his semi-conscious state, he was able to decipher that he was occupying one of the many rooms of Konoha Hospital.

 _"_ I can't stand it," the Hokage continued, unaware that the Hatake was now conscious, if only barely, "I...I just don't know how we're going to tell him that the surgery isn't next month anymore...And then the complications..."

She ran a hand through her blonde hair, which for once looked unruly, with a few lone locks escaping from her two loose ponytails.

"Lady Tsunade..." Shizune said softly, her voice warm and soothing, brows scrunched up in distress at noting how uncharacteristically tense the hokage was, "Everything... will be fine."

"How are you so sure, Shizune?" Tsunade questioned, tilting her head sideways to look at the kunoichi standing beside her at Kakashi's bedside.

"It's not something that I can explain...I just have this _gut feeling_ that tells me Kakashi will pull through...He's a strong shinobi, Lady Tsunade."

At that moment, the Hatake unwillingly let a pained groan escape past his lips, which were uncomfortably chapped under his mask. His muscles ached to no end, and his whole body felt unusually sore, as if it were bruised all over, as if he had been beat up thoroughly after running a long marathon. He strained his neck to the side, attempting to face the source of the two voices he had been hearing.

"Lady...Tsunade..." Kakashi rasped with great difficulty, barely able to address his leader with how unbearably parched his throat was. The two women snapped their gazes toward him, undiluted surprise glistening in their wide eyes.

"Kakashi? You're awake!" Shizune exclaimed in relief, her lips pulled into a wide grin. Tsunade couldn't help but smile herself, glad that he had finally woken after being asleep for a whole twenty four hours.

"Wa...ter..." he croaked desperately, silver eyebrows furrowed in discomfort at how his mouth was devoid of any moisture, and the grotesque, acidic taste that was overwhelming his pallet.

Shizune hurried to a small table in the far corner, which had a convenient pitcher of water and cup placed on it, returning with a tall glass of the cool liquid. Tsunade positioned one of her hands under Kakashi's neck and rested the other across his bruised chest, gently lifting his head off of the pillow so that he would be able to down the water. She chose to ignore his pained grunts.

"My...mask..." Kakashi managed to say after his upper body had been lifted substantially off of the bed, his exhausted gaze locking with Shizune's dark orbs, pleading for her to just remove the cloth. The kunoichi nodded in understanding and hooked two fingers into the mask, before slowly peeling it down to his neck and revealing his cracked, dehydrated lips to the stark air.

When Shizune brought the edge of the glass to his mouth, Kakashi didn't hold back; he took fast, greedy sips, a trickle of water finding it's way out of the glass and trailing down his pale chin. Through all of this, the hokage held his shoulders firmly, making sure his form was in place, that he didn't fall back and hurt himself even further.

"More," he breathed after drinking every drop of the liquid he had been given, tiredly leaning back into Tsunade's unmoving hold. Even the simple action of straining his neck forward had stolen a portion of his energy.

"No, Kakashi. Just wait a little bit, you don't want to throw up again," Tsunade explained as she lowered Kakashi back onto the mattress, adjusting the sheets around him so that they covered most of his form, and pulling his mask back up, as she knew he was starting to get uncomfortable. Although his mouth still yearned for the sweet feel of hydration, Kakashi didn't argue after that because he really _didn't_ want to throw up another time.

"Do you think you can stay awake? We've got something to tell you..." Tsunade started, gaze fixed on the wall opposite from her stance, Kakashi's silver hair in her peripheral vision. He sighed, suspecting even more bad news, but wanting to go to sleep at the same time.

"Yeah...I'll stay awake."

The hokage shared an uneasy glance with Shizune, her lips pursed, who gave her a short, encouraging nod to begin the conversation.

"Kakashi..." she said softly, "The surgery we told you about, the one to remove your tumor...It's in three days."

The copy ninja sat up in bed, ignoring how his muscles were rebelling against the movement, his eyes wide in shock.

"What? B-but I thought you said...You said I had _time_ before the surgery," Kakashi uttered shakily, a surge of adrenaline streaming through his veins, his mind overwhelmed by a sudden fear of this impending operation on his brain.

"I know-I know I said that, Kakashi, but things have changed now. Your tumor has gotten too big for us to ignore. If we don't treat it now, it might press onto important tissue and cause irreversible damage...Your most recent seizure was a sign that we have to start treatment right away."

Kakashi bowed his head, his dark orbs fixed on the white sheets that obscured his sore legs from view as he processed the information he had just been given. Just the sheer prospect of having someone tamper with such a vital organ of his was absolutely terrifying.

"What happens...if I don't do the surgery?" he said after a few moments of stifling quiet, oddly calm. Tsunade's eyes widened.

"Y-you aren't planning on _not_ getting the craniotomy done, are you?" she questioned anxiously. Kakashi tilted his head up and matched her gaze.

"I'm not ready, Lady Tsunade. I'll admit it, I'm just not prepared for such a major change-"

"You'll never be ready, dammit!" Tsunade cried out suddenly, grabbing him by the shoulders, "It's not possible to be ready for things like this, you idiot!"

The copy ninja was thrown into shock once again, his head jerking back and forth as she tried to shake some sense into him.

"Lady Tsunade, stop! Please, stop it, he's the patient, it's his call!" Shizune exclaimed frantically, a pleading hand outstretched as she reflexively stepped forward.

"You don't get it, do you?! If you don't get this surgery done, YOU'LL DIE!"

An eerie silence settled around the three of them, and everyone stayed still, as if time itself had frozen. The harsh lines on Tsunade's face softened almost immediately, her eyes widening as she realized what she had just said. But it didn't matter that she regretted it; the damage had been done.

Kakashi took in a sharp breath, his teeth gritted as a lone tear escaped out of his wide eyes and plopped onto the white sheets, leaving a small, wet imprint. His shoulders shivered under the tight hold that the hokage's hands had on them, once again feeling the burden that having _cancer_ had placed on them. It took a deadly disease to make him realize how much he wanted to live, just how much of a pathetic human he was for clinging onto life.

Tsunade felt the guilt weighing down on her own shoulders as she watched the Hatake break down once again. Without a moment of hesitation, she enveloped his trembling form into an embrace. Shizune quietly stood beside them, respecting her two superiors enough to let them have the necessary moment.

"I'm sorry," the hokage breathed, eyes shut close as a few tears slid down her cheeks, "I'm so sorry, Kakashi, for everything that's been going on. You don't deserve this, none of this should be happening to you. I should be in your place...God should've given me cancer in your stead."

"Don't say that, Lady Tsunade...you're the hokage...you actually matter to the world..." Kakashi choked out, his chin resting on her shoulder, the painful lump in his throat making it hard to speak. Tsunade only hugged him even tighter.

"Kakashi...I might not look it, but I'm _old_. I've seen as much as I'm going to see, and I've experienced more than I ever could. You...you have a whole life ahead of you," she started, her gruff voice noticeably steadier, "Don't let something like this take hold of you, don't let it keep you from moving forward and enjoying things like someone your age is supposed to be doing. I know it's...it's got to be hard. And that's okay. It's okay to feel sad and depressed, or stressed out, or shocked. But it's not okay to keep it all in."

She put a put a strong hand on his back and gently started rubbing small, calming circles across it.

"That's why, Kakashi...That's why I want you to let it out. All of these feelings you've had, the hate, the shock, the depression, the _fear_ ; just let them all out. Don't hold it in anymore."

Kakashi heaved a shuddering breath, his eyebrows pushing together as a sudden wave of despair came across him. Another tear slipped out of his wide eyes, dripping onto the green fabric that clothed Tsunade's shoulders.

"I'm sorry for not being there for you, Kakashi..." Tsunade whispered, softly stroking his silver hair, smoothing his bangs away from his forehead, "Have you been dealing with this all alone?"

 _Because if you have, I'll never be able to forgive myself..._

"N-no...I told Gai,"Kakashi reassured her, making the slight motion of shaking his head, "He...he helped me."

"Is Gai the only one you've told, Kakashi?"she questioned in quiet solemnity, "Do...do your Genin know that you have cancer?"

Tsunade felt a warm, salty liquid dampen her cloak even further.

"I haven't...I haven't told them..." Kakashi wheezed, feeling as if he had betrayed his students.

He hadn't told them yet because he wanted to preserve their innocence, because he didn't want them to experience a loved one's death at such a tender age. The last thing that Kakashi wanted was for them to turn out like he had been after his father's suicide, a cold, miserable jerk who was insensitive to everyone else's feelings, and didn't believe in love or family anymore. He knew that some of them, especially Sasuke, had experienced pain and loss before, but that gave him all the reason to make sure they never did again.

Although he'd had good intentions from the very beginning, and still did, now he just felt like a deceitful snake.

"Kakashi...they deserve to know. For some of them, you're the closest thing to family..." Tsunade persuaded, "I tell you what, why don't you give them the news when they come back up from eating dinner? You know, they've been here for a whole day, worrying their asses off about you. They only left to eat dinner because I forced them to..."

Kakashi shook his head vigorously, the intervals decreasing between each hypnotic beat the heart monitor made.

"I c-can't...It'll _ruin_ them, they'll _hate_ me...they'll...they-"

"What?" Tsunade interrupted, "Will they feel pain? Will they hurt? Is that what you're so worried about? Well, they'll feel _hurt_ if they find out you've been keeping something so important a secret. And besides, you can't do this alone, Kakashi. You need your precious people - _all_ of them- standing by your side. "

"But Lady Tsunade, they're just kids, they don't need to be exposed to this kind of-"

"Stop babying them, dammit," Tsunade said, not wanting to hear another word of him trying to be the guardian, "This is about _you_. If you let them know, will you feel better?"

"...Yes," Kakashi admitted softly, after a long pause.

"Then tell them. _Tell them_ , Kakashi. I know they won't hate you afterward, they're just not like that."

All three of their heads jerked toward the closed door as they heard footsteps approaching the hospital room.

"They're here," Tsunade aloud. She awkwardly pulled Kakashi away from her embrace and set him back into the pillows, so that he was sitting up in bed. He gave her a look of pure fear and apprehension, his eyes wide, visage taking on an unhealthy pallor. He would have to tell them now. In a few mere moments, he was going to snatch away his Genin's innocence.

"You'll be fine, Kakashi," Tsunade encouraged with a smile, giving him a few uplifting pats on the shoulder, "If they mess with you, I'll kick their asses to Suna."

The door opened and with a creak, revealing the very people they had been talking of. Sakura was the first to step in, her pale hands gripping a plastic tray of food, gaze drawn to the floor. Sasuke and Naruto followed her inside, deep in thought, just as she was. It was the adults behind them that were actually attentive enough to realize that Kakashi was sitting up in bed, his consciousness restored.

"Kakashi?!" Gai exclaimed, rushing past the three Genin, who's heads had snapped up at the mention of their sensei, "You're finally awake!"

Before any of the other jonin could take another step forward, Kakashi's students bolted toward their sensei's side, their breaths catching in their throats upon seeing that he was lucid, that he wasn't in a coma.

"KAKASHI-SENSEI!" Sakura shrieked fervently, jumping onto the bed and wrapping her arms around his abdomen in a tight hold, the tray carelessly abandoned atop the bit of blanket by his covered feet. Her head rested on his bruised sternum, tears wetting the thin cloth that covered his chest. Kakashi put a tremulous hand to her head in an attempt to smooth her pink hair back, the small gesture requiring more effort than it should have.

"S-sensei!"Naruto cried, gripping the metal railing on one side of the bed. He ached to hide in Kakashi's comforting embrace, to have his sensei tousle his blonde locks and reassure him that he was okay. But with one tiny glance at Sasuke, who was standing right beside him, his demeanor cold as always, Naruto stuffed his emotions back down. Sasuke didn't say a word, just acknowledged Kakashi with a single 'hn' and a nod of the head.

"Hey, guys. What's up?" Kakashi croaked, hiding his anxiety behind a mask, a facade of cool indifference. _I_ _have to tell them._

"What's up?!" Naruto exclaimed, clearly exasperated, "You wake up after a whole day of being unconscious and that's what you say!"

"Kashi-sensei..." Sakura sniffed childishly, releasing him from her stifling embrace, "We were all so scared...what was that? Are you going to be o-okay?"

Kakashi remained quiet, gazing intently at the needle inserted into his wrist. Although he had accepted that he would have to tell them sooner or later, he just couldn't bring himself to...

"Lady Tsunade," Kurenai said, her embellished lips pulled into a frown at the unbearable silence, "What brought on the seizure?"

Her words were concise and straight to the point, articulated in a quiet, but firm manner that demanded the truth at once. Tsunade shared a look with Kakashi and gave him a minuscule nod, a signal that it was time. Telling them of the news was his responsibility, and only his.

Gai gazed at Kakashi with a meaningful look from the foot of his hospital bed, and when they finally did make eye contact, he smiled slightly and rose his thick eyebrows, encouraging him to finally let out all that he had been hiding. Kakashi took a deep breath.

"The thing is, guys...I'm not okay."

Naruto and Sakura gasped simultaneously, while the rest of the occupants of the room frowned, their brows furrowing in curiosity at what he could possibly mean by that. The atmosphere became thick with tension and anxiety with just those few words, a haunting, tense quiet settling all around them.

"In three days, I have a surgery," he explained softly, trying his best to maintain eye contact with all of them, "Because I...b-because..."

The hypnotic beats became fast and irregular and his hands started to shake noticeably. A bead of sweat slid down his cheek, his face paling to an unhealthy, white hue. Kakashi bowed his head.

 _I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this._

Gai came forward on instinct and put a hand on Kakashi's shoulder, giving it a small squeeze, his unease and worry hidden behind a warm grin. Even that small gesture seemed to have helped Kakashi, as he inhaled, then exhaled, and continued on with his confession.

"I have a surgery in three days because...I have brain cancer."

"Y-you can't joke about things like that, Kakashi-sensei," Naruto chuckled nervously, being the first to utter a single word.

"I'm completely serious..." the copy ninja said softly, his intent gaze locking with Naruto's blue orbs. The blonde looked away.

"NO! Th-this is a test!" Naruto cried, ignoring the solemnity of the atmosphere, "I-I know! This is part of our training, isn't it!"

Naruto's eyes gleamed with a kind of desperate, clinging hope that all of this really was a crude old joke that Kakashi was playing on them, even though it had become almost completely obvious by that point that it was _not_. Gai put a firm hand on Naruto's shoulder, closing his eyes and shaking his head to halt his naive assumptions. It was hard for him as an adult, a full fledged shinobi, to come to terms with Kakashi's illness, so he couldn't even began to imagine how difficult it must be for the young Genin to take the sudden news.

"No...No..." Naruto whispered in denial, his face falling dramatically. Sakura's hand was clamped over her parted lips, her narrow shoulders heaving with every audible, panicked breath she took. Her jade eyes were wide in shock, tears escaping from their red rims and streaming down her round cheeks. Sasuke was completely still, unable to move. Perhaps his heart had frozen as well, because he couldn't feel a thing, as if the blood had stopped circulating through his body, as if he had stopped living, breathing. He felt numb.

"Damn," Asuma uttered solemnly, running a hand over his face, everything he had been suspecting clicking into place,"Shit... _Shit_."

"Oh God...Kakashi..." Kurenai breathed, a few tears springing from her own crimson orbs. She came forward and enveloped him in a hug, wanting to comfort him, but needing the comfort herself. Kakashi's arms were limp at his sides, his head buried into her shoulder, eyes hidden from view. He regretted telling them, all of them. It was his fault they were in so much pain.

Kurenai retracted her hands from his waist and turned to his three students, who looked as is they had just lost everything.

"Go on..." she encouraged, resting a hand on Sakura's shoulders, giving them a light squeeze.

Sakura timidly moved her gaze to her sensei's lonely form on the bleak hospital bed. Although her teammates were probably too dense to notice, she was different; Sakura saw the pain and loneliness gleaming in Kakashi's dark orbs. She could tell that his form was yearning to be hugged, to be comforted instead of being the one doing the comforting.

"Kakashi-sensei..."Sakura whispered shakily, shuffling closer to his side, her heart pounding, "K-Kashi sensei!"

The Haruno tackled him into an embrace, her wiry arms wrapped around his abdomen, tears dirtying the front of his shirt. Kakashi quickly pulled her into his chest, his face twisting into a look of torture as her wet sobs pierced his ears. Naruto watched the two with longing, his breath hiccoughing unknowingly, tears streaming down his tanned cheeks. Without looking at the frozen Uchiha standing beside him, he trudged to Kakashi's other side, almost as if he were in a trance.

"Naruto..." Kakashi said softly, trying to instill as much comfort as he could in just his voice. The Uzumaki was standing beside him, hands clenched into trembling fists, salty liquid escaping out of closed eyes.

"Listen, Naruto...I'm so sorr-"

Naruto jerked forward and planted his head onto Kakashi's pillow, his form trembling. After a moment's pause, Kakashi slowly withdrew one of his hands from Sakura's shivering back and rested it on Naruto's head of blonde hair, trying to let him know with a single touch that he would be just fine, that he was barely even sick. The Uzumaki buried his face into Kakashi's open chest and clung onto the fabric that clothed his waist, every sniffle forcing him to breathe in his sensei's scent.

"You're going to die...you're going to die..." Naruto sobbed, clutching his shirt even tighter. At those words, Sakura trembled even more, a new flood of tears wetting Kakashi's bare flesh under his clothing.

"No," Kakashi said firmly, pulling them in even closer, "I'm not going to die."

His two students looked up at him in awe, eyes glossy, noses red and raw.

"I'm _not_ going to die."

* * *

 **Author's Note:** It's been so long since I last posted! Leave reviews please. Also, I know I've written chapters that are unnecessary and all. Tell me which to take out, if you can. And tell me if everyone reacted all right, please. To be honest, this was hard to write, and definitely isn't my best. With your reviews, i can hopefully fix it.


	14. Chapter 14: No Turning Back

Kakashi stared up at the ceiling with wide, thoughtful eyes, the blindingly bright fluorescent lights glaring right back at him. He had just officially signed the consent forms to go through with the operation, and despite his strong resolve to get his tumor excised, he couldn't help but feel the fear.

He'd given up one of his pale arms to the gentle, but firm grip of a nurse, who was working dexterously to start an IV unit before the surgery. Devoid of any clothing but a thin, blue gown, made out of a papery material that would most likely tear if he were to suddenly escape off of the gurney and bolt out of the prep room, Kakashi shivered, out of both cold and exceptional discomfort. He wondered if that was truly the purpose of the gown-to make sure he didn't run away, escape at the last minute.

A surgical cap, made of the same material as his gown, was stretched over Kakashi's head. To make the surgery easier to perform, and less messy, for that matter, a few nurses had come in the night before the big day and shaved off all of his silvery hair, leaving the fresh skin of his scalp exposed to the general chill of the hospital itself. He could now safely say that he understood why girls loved their hair so much.

The door opened and a few more nurses entered. He watched as they made their way over to his bed and gripped the metal railings with steady hands, proceeding to roll him out of the door, steadily moving toward the operating room.

Kakashi felt his heart beating faster and faster as the ceiling whizzed by, a trickle of sweat making its way down his brow, his chest visibly heaving up and down with each shaky inhale and exhale. This was it- there was no going back. One tiny mistake, one minute sliver of extra tissue they cut off could cause irreversible damage. He could lose his ability to walk, to speak, to comprehend words- he could lose his right to ever be a shinobi, to teach-

"Take a deep breath, Hatake-san," one of the nurses said as they pushed him into the double doors of the O.R., a woman that he vaguely recalled ogling his bare calves, "Because this might change your life forever."

They swiftly moved him onto the operating table, so that he was looking straight up. Tsunade silently watched with Shizune and a few of her anesthesiologists as the nurses did the pre-operative work, all of the tedious tasks, such administering drugs and fixing the IV line, things that she absolutely dreaded doing. One of the reasons she had actually become a medical ninja, or just a doctor in general, was for that undeniably exhilarating surge of adrenaline that swam through her veins whenever she got a new case, for the unusual high she got in stressful, unbearably tense situations.

"Okay, Kakashi, just one last question and we'll be all set," Shizune started after the nurses that weren't particularly needed in the case had left, her voice taking on a professional edge, "Are you absolutely certain that you want to proceed with this craniotomy?"

"Yes," he replied softly, after a small, admittedly uncertain pause. It wasn't like he could just _quit_ right before the operation, anyway. That would be like admitting defeat, equivalent to giving up on both himself and his precious people, practically betraying them. As scared as he was, as close as Kakashi was to hyperventilating, he _couldn't_ quit.

"Alright then, Eito, you know what you need to do," Tsunade said to her head anesthesiologist, "Start Kakashi on General Anesthetics."

The man nodded curtly and came forward with what seemed to be a breathing mask, raising an eyebrow at the obvious obstruction to Kakashi's mouth. The copy ninja stared at him in confusion, before realizing why he had paused amidst procedure.

"Oh. You can...take it off for the operation, I guess," he muttered, giving up yet another thing to cancer. The doctor awkwardly hooked two fingers into the temporary surgical mask they had provided him with, and managed to yank it down, pausing for a small moment in astonishment at how handsome he was, before quickly strapping the needed equipment over Kakashi's pale visage. Almost immediately, Kakashi felt as if he were being suffocated.

"I want you to count backward from ten now," Tsunade ordered, her hazel orbs matching Kakashi's gaze intently, a surgical mask obscuring her own mouth from view, the only indication that she was actually even talking being the way it shifted as she spoke.

"W-wait," Kakashi stammered gruffly, earning himself a glare from Tsunade, " _Promise me_...promise me that I'll be the same."

The intensity of her stare went down a few notches. "We'll try our best, brat, and that's all we can really do, so I _promise_ that I'll do my utmost best job, okay? Now count backward from ten, or you'll get no anesthetics."

She couldn't promise him anything, but it was her job to make sure he got the tumor excised, and she'd do anything necessary to make sure that happened.

"Ten, nine..." he started, already feeling a heavy drowsiness settle over him, "...eight...sevuhh..."

His eyes drooped close. There was a quiet murmur among the crowd of surgeons as they adjusted their planned positions around the man, preparing to start.

"Kakashi has lost consciousness," Tsunade informed evenly, more as a formality, as they already knew, "Shall we begin?"

* * *

". _..Kaka..._ "

" _Kashi.._."

" _Kakashi..._ "

He sluggishly opened his eyes, lethargically observing his surroundings. At first, Kakashi was terribly confused.

 _Where was he?_

From the way his back sunk into something soft underneath him, a mattress, he presumed, and the starch white blankets that cocooned his form, he was able to tell that he was in a bed- a _hospital_ bed, as the lingering smell of antiseptic tingled his nostrils. Oh, and there was a stifling tube down his throat, and he wouldn't typically stuff breathing support down his mouth on his own volition.

"Kakashi? Can you hear me?"

He looked around for the origin of the foreign noise, finally finding that it was coming from a bosomy, blonde woman hovering over him, one who seemed to exude an air of supremacy and strength. When he failed to answer, she turned to her assistant, her hazel orbs gleaming with something akin to fear, vanishing hope.

"I've been calling his name for a while now, Shizune, he still hasn't said a word! I screwed up, _God_ I messed him up!" the woman said frantically. Although Kakashi couldn't recognize her, the image of her face just a vague wisp of memory to him, even he could tell that such behavior was uncharacteristic of her.

"No, you didn't, Lady Tsunade! Honestly, you lose all sense of judgement when you panic, " the raven chuckled, "He's still intubated, of course he can't speak. And look-he's staring directly at us."

The blonde face palmed at her silliness, laughing nervously as she wiped the drops of perspiration that had accumulated on her brow. Shizune was right. Kakashi would be _fine_.

"Okay..you can deccanulate, Shizune. His O2 stats and heart rate are stable enough," Tsunade prompted, waiting with crossed arms to hear Kakashi's voice for the first time after the lengthy surgery. Shizune nodded quickly and set out to work, performing a procedure that she had quite a lot of experience with as a doctor. Soon enough, the tubes that had been stuck down his windpipe were taken out, and despite the initial discomfort, Kakashi was glad that he could breathe on his own again.

"Kakashi," Tsunade said again, looking at him intently, placing a hand on his shoulder to demonstrate her sincerity, "How are you? Do you feel any pain?"

"What...happened?" he slurred in response, his voice dry and croaky, husky with exhaustion. He truly was a pitiful sight, with the mound of bandages that were wrapped tightly around his wounded head, and how lost he looked in the midst of the hospital blankets. The Hokage frowned deeply.

"You mean, you don't remember?" Tsunade questioned with a sense of urgency, "Kakashi, you're in the hospital. Last night, you had a craniotomy, a brain surgery to treat your tumor."

Slowly, Kakashi brought a pale hand up to his head, gingerly tracing the foreign bandages covering his scar, feeling the coarse fibers of the gauze under his tingling, heavy fingers- an effect of the drugs they had pumped him full of.

"A surgery? Why is everything so weird? I can't seem to remember..."

"Yeah," she said in return, heaving a stressed sigh, "Don't worry though. This happens sometimes. You'll probably remember after a good rest- also, the drugs from the surgery have yet to wear off."

"Anyway," she continued, "We need to check how you're doing physically. More specifically, if you can walk. Do you think you can stand now? We could do this later, after checking the rest of your vitals, but..."

Kakashi made the slight motion if shaking his head, narrowing his eyes,"No. I want to see if my legs are fine."

Tsunade gave the copy ninja a curt nod and proceeded to help him up, Shizune quickly taking one of his elbows to be of assistance. When they were fairly certain that he was stable enough to actually be out of bed, running a few cursory glances up and down his weakened, hunched form, the two women let go.

"Now take a few steps, Kakashi."

Right away, he knew something was terribly wrong, even in the drug muddled state that his mind was in. Instead of feeling the blood pumping through his right leg, Kakashi felt nothing but an overwhelming numbness. It was as if the appendage was not even there.

He managed to shuffle forward a few inches, before losing his sense of balance and falling backward, eyes wide in confusion and shock. Tsunade and Shizune caught him by the arms a mere second before he could crash onto the ground and worsen his physical state, straining to hold his loose weight. The two doctors had expected the worst- it was in the job description. The action was easier to say though, and harder to perform in actuality, when the "worst" was happening to your precious person right in front of your witnessing eyes.

"My leg...I can't feel it...I can't feel-"

The hokage and her assistant silently placed him back into the bed, lowering his form into the pillows and pulling the covers up to his chin, not giving him a chance to talk, to realize the extent of what had happened.

"Kakashi, it's best if you get some sleep," Tsunade encouraged, her face having paled greatly, brows furrowed in utter seriousness,"It's possible that this will get better after the drugs wear off, okay? You will be fine."

But she knew she was just giving him false hope, telling a blatant lie in hope that his foggy mind would believe her.

* * *

Kakashi's Genin entered his hospital room, Kurenai, Asuma, and Gai slowly following after them. It was at least a day and a half after the initial operation, and this was the first time they had actually been allowed to see their friend, as Kakashi had been too busy being poked and prodded, in a post-operative care room, where visitors were not allowed. At least that was what they'd been told.

Laying eyes on him after anxiously waiting for so long was both a great relief and a shock at the same time. They were glad that he was not dead, obviously, but unnerved by the fact that he needed a breathing mask, and the plethora of tubes and needles that were sticking out of him. Probably what unsettled them the most were the thick bandages wrapped around his skull, that barely hid that he was _bald_ , and made him seem even more uncharacteristically weak on the hospital bed.

The adrenaline still rushing through Naruto, Sakura, and even Sasuke's veins prompted them to rush to their teacher's bedside, to make sure with their own eyes that he was fine. What they had hoped for was a verbal affirmation from the man, but that was not possible, as he was fast asleep before them, his arms resting limply at his sides, his even inhales and exhales fogging up the oxygen mask that replaced his normal one.

"Man, Kakashi-sensei's asleep?! Now we'll have to wait even longer to talk to him!" Naruto cried, throwing his hands in the air out of exasperation. Sasuke rolled his eyes, shaking his head at the "dead-last's" idiocy.

"Of course he isn't awake, stupid. Kakashi just had a _brain_ operation. He's tired, and he should be. Who knows how long it'll take to recover from something like this," Sasuke commented with a sigh, his voice gravelly from the lack of proper rest. Sakura nodded in agreement, a pair of prominent dark circles under her own jade orbs.

"Yeah, I bet he's exhausted. Poor Kashi-sensei, all of this must be so painful..." she added sympathetically, noticing how dark her teacher's eyelashes were in comparison to his pale visage.

"You know, you kids should really go home and get some sleep," Kurenai encouraged with a crinkle of worry between her two brows upon noticing how tired they were, her maternal instincts kicking in, "It'll probably be a while before he wakes up."

In truth, it wasn't only the children who were tired- the three jonin were just as exhausted, as they had also been nervously sitting in a hospital waiting room for over a day, barely sleeping and eating. Now that the initial adrenaline was draining out of them, they were left with nothing but sore joints and a lethargic worry for their friend. It was safe to say that they _all_ needed some sleep, even Maito Gai. And a decent meal.

"No...please, can we just wait for a little more?" Sakura pleaded, hoping that in the little time that they would hopefully be permitted, Kakashi would open his eyes and _talk_ to them, like he used to. Kurenai sighed, closing her eyes tightly to ward off her overwhelming weariness.

Before the Kunoichi could answer, the distinct sound of someone's growling stomach managed to steal her attention. Upon turning toward the noise, she was met with the sight of Asuma gripping his empty stomach, an embarrassed blush dusting his tan cheeks.

"You know what," she said, sharing an amused smile with the Sarutobi, "I'll take you up on that offer, under one condition- you have to let us bring you lunch, and eat all of it, too."

"Yes, yes, I agree! The youth of Konoha absolutely have to eat in order to replenish the fire that burns in their hearts and powers their strength!" Gai agreed from behind the woman, admittedly drained of a good portion of his characteristic "youth" as well.

"That's hardly a condition, Kurenai-sensei! I LOVE all kinds of food! Just make sure that you don't give me a _salad_ , or something..." Naruto chirped in return, grimacing at the thought of fresh vegetables. Kurenai's embellished lips curved upwards sweetly, her eyes crinkling into crescents. So _this_ was the boy that her Hinata loved so much. And she could see why- he was already infecting her sullen mood with his cheery attitude.

They were broken out of their lighthearted conversation when the hokage herself entered the bleak room, for once without Shizune, who she'd forced into doing her paperwork so that she would be able to pop in for a visit.

"G-Granny Tsunade!" Naruto shouted, the first to speak up out of them all, "How's Sensei? Did the surgery go well?"

They all looked up to her expectantly, as all of them had the exact same question. _How is he **actually** doing?_

Tsunade sighed. "He's...fine. We managed to excise most of the tumor without too many complications," she said, leaving out the bit that he couldn't remember anything the first time he woke up, and that he would almost definitely lose some motor function, "He'll be fine...okay? Anyway, y'all look like hell. I suggest that you get some sleep."

" _Please!_ Just a little more time!" Sakura cried, close to tears. She was exhausted of all her stamina, both physical and emotional, and dangerously close to breaking down after all the days' overwhelming events.

All the little girl wanted was for her sensei to hold her in his arms, whisper soothing words in her ear, even ruffle her pink locks. She just wanted him to be a sensei, _their_ sensei again, and she couldn't care less if her hair got mussed up in the process. Sakura realized that she actually preferred that he read his lewd books in public, rather than lie on a hospital bed, motionless, barely even alive.

Tsunade rose her hands in surrender, eyes widening in surprise. "Alright, alright, calm down...Well, before I leave, I'd like to have a word with you three," she prompted authoritatively, directing her gaze to the jonin of the group, "Come, let's step outside."

The adults left the room with the hokage, reminding Kakashi's Genin that when they came back, it would be with a meal that they _had_ to finish, no questions asked.

So it was in that way that the children were left alone to gaze upon their teacher's prone, sleeping form. They were tired- so _sleepy_ that even their thoughts were slow, pacing languidly through their minds.

Naruto was the first to succumb to his physically demanding needs. Without paying any mind to his intermittent rivalry with Sasuke, the blonde trudged to Kakashi's bedside and kicked off his sandals, wasting no time in climbing into bed with him. Naruto's two teammates watched in unmasked astonishment as he snuggled into Kakashi's side, shifting so that the blankets covered his form.

"Dunno, about you guys...but I'm beat. Nighty...night," The Uzumaki mumbled dazedly, wrapping an arm around his teacher's firm abdomen, his blonde hair brushing against Kakashi's shoulder.

Yawning, Sakura watched the two, the remaining spot on the small hospital looking more enticing with each passing second that she remained on her feet. Standing there, the kunoichi came to a realization- her feet ached. Her legs felt no more stronger than a tub of jelly. Her eyes were dry. There was another yawn at the back of her throat, just itching to escape through her mouth. Sakura _needed_ to sleep.

Timidly, she started toward the bed and lifted the covers, proceeding to scoot into the remaining space. The Haruno forgot that her crush was watching her and used Kakashi's arm as a pillow, her nose buried into his hard chest, leg hooked over his leg. On any other occasion, such a level of intimacy would be too much for her to handle, but at the moment, it was nothing but warm and inviting. She hugged Kakashi tightly, pressing herself against him to absorb the comforting heat, sniffing his shirt to take in the familiar scent of sandalwood.

Soon, the two Genin had fallen fast asleep, their breathing evening out, contented smiles on their faces.

Sasuke sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. God, he was exhausted. But even if there was still some space left on Kakashi's measly bed, he _would not_ have taken it. No, he would never do such an atrocious thing.

The Uchiha pulled up a weak-legged chair to Kakashi's bed with a screech, proceeding to sit down heavily. Within a few mere seconds, his head slumped forward next to his sensei's feet, his dry, onyx eyes drooping close as he too fell into a deep slumber.

...

"Y-you mean to say that...Kakashi won't be able to walk again?"

Tsunade exhaled deeply, closing her eyes tightly so that she didn't have to look at three disheartened, horrified faces, a voice in her head reminding her over and over again that it was all her fault, that if she'd been more competent, this wouldn't have happened.

"It's complicated. When Kakashi woke up initially, in critical care, the motor function of his right leg was severely compromised- He almost definitely won't have the same use of it as before."

They were all shocked into silence, their eyes widening tremendously. The Great Copy Ninja, their _friend_ , wouldn't be able to walk properly ever again. God, he didn't deserve this _at all_.

" _But_...but, it is very likely that upon waking up, he'll have some of the use back," she reassured lightly, "And with proper physical therapy, his life will be back to normal in no time."

Slowly, their frowns morphed into small smiles that originated from a sort of fragile hope. They'd almost forgotten- it was _Kakashi Hatake_ they were talking about here. Of course he wouldn't let something like this hold him back from being a true shinobi.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

Heyyy, peeps. I'm so sorry that I took this long to update. Let's just say that life (school!) has been exceptionally difficult as of late. Like seriously, I feel so dumb! Dammit!

*sigh*

Anyway, I hope you like it, please review. Also, I wanted to say that all of y'all who have been commenting and supporting this fanfic, I'm _super duper_ thankful! Thank you! Thankyouthankyouthankyou! If you have any questions or comments about the story, or if you just want to talk about random shit, don't hesitate to contact me personally!


	15. Chapter 15: Step by Step

Chapter 15: Step by Step

He felt exceptionally warm.

It wasn't uncomfortable, like how he felt if he contracted the flu- no, this was a different kind of warmth. It was soothing, like a blanket and hot cocoa in the winter, like a mother's comforting touch.

Slowly, Kakashi cracked opened his heavy lids, straining his neck to find the source of the heat, freezing immediately when he realized that there were three snoring forms surrounding him- two of them clinging onto him as if he were some kind of lifeline. He gingerly lowered his bandaged head back into the white hospital pillows, lucid enough to make sure that he wasn't too loud.

Sakura. Sasuke. Naruto. _They came._

If Kakashi had forgotten something before, he remembered it now. The brain cancer. The surgery. _His precious people._

Everything was vividly sharp to him, if not clearer than before. And that was why, with his restored memory, Kakashi couldn't help but wonder what trash like him had done to be so lucky _._

Sluggishly, he pulled them closer into his embrace, his arms leaden from the effects of the pain relievers he was being given. Even if he was under the effect of a multitude of drugs, and everything was slow and dulled down, Kakashi came to a stifling, overwhelming realization.

He loved his little Genin like his own children, and he'd never even bothered to tell them. He'd just been that one cheapskate who never bothered to show up on time.

 _I'm a bad sensei._

Kakashi needed to let them know how much they'd changed his life, just how much they meant to him. He had to _show_ them that he cared, that he was more than just a teacher, that he would always be there for them, ready to listen.

Because what if he died before he could?

Closing his eyes and sinking further into the heat, Kakashi let out a shuddering exhale and drifted off into a dreamless, drug induced darkness once again.

* * *

"This has gone on long enough, you three. **You need a new sensei.** "

Naruto, Sakura, and even Sasuke stood before hokage with gaping mouths, their eyes wide in astonishment. Tsunade, noticing their utter shock, did not attempt to soften her words with false reassurances and euphemisms. In fact, she carried herself as the perfect example of a hardened kunoichi, her gaze stern, lips pressed into a straight, thin line.

" _Do not_ give me that look. I am very disappointed in the three of you," she scorned with a cold, but necessary cruelty, "I thought that at least you, Naruto, would understand the importance of becoming capable ninja, if not for yourselves, then for Kakashi-sensei."

Naruto flinched at the mention of his own name, like a child being rebuked, before pouting and shaking his head defiantly.

"But...Granny, you can't seriously expect us to learn under someone else without putting up a fight...It's not fair, 'ttebayo! I only want Kakashi-sensei, no one else!" The Uzumaki uttered with fervor after a few long moments, talking not only for himself, but for his two teammates as well, who were blatantly confused by how heartless Tsunade was being.

They had really come to love the copy nin over the years- he had become a kind of father figure to them, someone they could look up to, actually respect. Granted, appointing them a new teacher was like trying to separate a child from it's parents.

"Look," the hokage said, standing abruptly, slapping her palms onto the top of her cluttered desk, "He's in no condition to even wash his own hair right now, much less _train_ you. Hell, he can barely even walk!"

The three of them lowered their heads, a sullen mood befalling the spacious office. It was safe to say that they hated how sick Kakashi was, the virulence of his illness, just how _weak_ it made him. They absolutely despised everything and anything about this cancer.

They yearned for the days where he was strong, practically unable to be defeated- a part of their hearts wondered when they would be granted with those times again. _When would everything go back to normal?_

"Oi, don't get so upset. It's only temporary," Tsunade informed, snapping them out of their stupors, "When I deem Kakashi well enough, he will be reinstated as the leader for Team 7. Everything will be fine."

The three of them exhaled collectively, greatly relieved that the arrangement wasn't permanent.

"W-wait," Sakura started meekly, gathering enough courage to take a step forward, "How long will it take for Kakashi-sensei to get better, milady?"

Tsunade sat back down and sighed deeply, massaging her temples, wishing that Shizune hadn't gone away to run errands, so that she would have someone to rub the knots of stress out of her shoulders.

"You know, it's honestly hard to say...But, I'd give it at least three or four months for him to recover from the operation, no less than that."

"Four months!" Sasuke exclaimed suddenly, as if he were frustrated. He lowered his reddening visage, embarrassed at all the attention he was getting at his abrupt outburst.

Tsunade smiled slightly. She hadn't known that the prodigy also cared about his sensei.

"Four months..." Sasuke repeated reflectively, gazing out the window behind her desk in a daze, his voice a mere whisper, "That's...insane."

Four months. 16 weeks. _112 days_ without Kakashi to train with them. What would they _do_?

"Let's get one thing straight, " Tsunade started seriously, knowing that they needed to face reality,"Yeah, it _is_ insane. This will be anything but an easy recovery. It's hard to know if Kakashi will be the same again- this cancer has scarred him in more ways than one. And regardless...regardless of how terrible you feel, how much you don't want this, you have to support him, be there for him always. Because what you're feeling right now- he feels at least ten times worse."

* * *

The next time he managed to claim his consciousness, the warmth was gone. He shivered and pulled the freshly washed sheets to his chest, the chill of the stark hospital room not helping in the slightest.

"Kakashi, my rival, are you awake?"

He breathed out, fogging up his oxygen mask in the process, slightly tilting his heavy head to the side in a dampened effort to examine the voice. Kakashi found himself staring at Gai, who's tanned skin was marred with dark circles that contrasted greatly with his bright, exuberant eyes. He blinked a few times to adjust to the light, and perhaps the unsettling sight before him.

"You _are_ awake!" Gai exclaimed in astonishment, actually getting up and out of his chair, as his joy was just too great for him to remain seated.

Kakashi gave his friend a minuscule nod, before attempting to sit up in bed, grunting as he pushed his palms into the mattress, coming to a rough conclusion that his recovery would be difficult, indeed. He didn't get too far off of his back before Gai decided to intervene.

"Oi, oi, easy does it now," his rival said softly, thick brows furrowed in concern as he gently pulled Kakashi's form away from pillows so that he more or less upright, making sure that he kept a strong hand on his shockingly bony shoulder blades the whole time, "You don't want to hurt yourself."

Realizing that he wasn't presently able to give his friend a witty response, Kakashi yanked the breathing support off of his pale visage, actually eager to get rid of the obstruction, despite the fact that his mouth was on full display.

"Hmm. I see your eyebrows are as thick as ever," he slurred, his tongue unexpectedly thick and heavy, a side effect of the medicine that was preventing a killer headache, "Go home, Gai. You look terrible."

After staring dumbly at his exposed face for a few awkward moments, Kakashi's rival shook his head vigorously, proceeding to give him a winning smile and an optimistic thumb's up.

"I will stay for a little more! How can I let this hot-blooded moment pass!" he said passionately, a fist risen in the air, even if he was exhausted.

The Copy Ninja sighed and rolled his eyes, leaning back into the headboard. "How the hell is this "hot blooded"? I can only even sit up in this _hospital_ bed because you helped me to. And my...my..."

Gai came forward and gave him a few pats on his slumped shoulders, trying to brighten up his sullen mood. "Don't you fret, Kakashi! I know you will get well soon, and be fighting with me in no time!"

"Well, that's what I'm hoping for, the getting well soon part," Kakashi said quietly, looking up at him intently, "Anyway, if you're not going to leave, then do something for me, will you?"

"Anything for my rival!"

"I need to see if I can walk. Just...just don't stop me." _Don't let me fall._

Gai frowned, crossing his arms over his muscled chest. "Kakashi, I really think you should stay in bed. If you do this right now, it'll worsen your condition."

"Please, Gai, I have to see for myself..."

The green shinobi's eyes welled with manly tears at his rival's determination, and he nodded rapidly, lips quivering. Gai slid one hand onto Kakashi's back, flinching when he felt the beginnings of spine poking out.

"What's wrong?" Kakashi questioned obliviously when he felt Gai tense up, swinging his numb legs over the bed with a grunt, actually using his hands to physically move his right leg so that it was parallel to it's functional opposite.

"N-nothing," he said in return, inhaling sharply, the fact that Kakashi was too weak to participate in their competitions finally hitting him with all of it's brutal strength, "Nothing at all, my rival."

Gai proceeded to help him up so that his bare feet were making contact with the cold tile. Already, Kakashi felt like getting back in bed, a bead of sweat trickling lethargically down his forehead.

"Let go," he said gruffly, despite the fact that he knew, almost for sure, that he could not walk. Although he was hesitant, Gai, knowing just how much it meant to Kakashi for him to do so, let go.

But the copy nin never did walk- the most he was able to do without falling over was hobble a few centimeters, Gai standing behind his teetering form the whole time if he were to suddenly collapse to the ground. Although his weak body couldn't physically support his strong resolve to take just a few measly steps, Kakashi didn't give up- even when his breath started to come in heavy pants from over exertion, visage paling to an unhealthy hew, ankles shaking terribly.

"Kakashi, you need to lay down," Gai commanded sternly as his wide eyes flitted over the Hatake's trembling form, voice full of undiluted concern, "Please, my rival, we can do this another day! You have to rest!"

"N-no. Just trust me, I can do this. I-I can, I only need to train harder," Kakashi stammered, holding out a tremulous hand to stop him from coming any closer, "I'm begging you, Gai. I'm _begging_ you to let-"

His knees buckled against his will. Before Kakashi could crumple to the hard tile and injure himself even further, Gai caught him, cradling his friend's limp form in his strong arms. Kakashi looked up at him blearily, paled lips moving the slightest to speak.

"I want to try again."

"Enough of this!" Gai finally exclaimed, cautiously lifting him up and placing him back onto the hospital bed as gently as he could, "Don't be dumb! I know I told you to be strong, but you're just harming yourself on purpose, Kakashi!"

He pulled the blanket's edge back up to Kakashi's chin, opting to put the oxygen mask back over his visage, as his breathing was still coming in pants, from both the impromptu exercise and the choking realization that he wouldn't be going on missions for a _long_ time.

"Honestly, my rival, when will you take care of yourself? If you want to recover faster, you have to rest. Sometimes you scare me with your stupidity, you know that? Kakashi? Hey, are you even listening?!"

Upon looking down again, Gai saw that Kakashi had fallen fast asleep during his rambling.

"AHHH! Why are you so cool!"

* * *

Yamato tugged on the collar of the green vest he had been given, not used to the sweat accumulating on his chafed neck, or the fact that he was exposing his face to the world, going into public without his anbu mask. He wore an uncertain frown as he treaded through the stark, white hallways to his captain's hospital room.

Grasped tightly in one of his hands was a paper bag, which contained a steaming bowl of miso soup with eggplant- food that he'd bought from a local restaurant, since he had no cooking skills whatsoever. He supposed that if he was going to visit, he could at least bring the man's favorite meal.

Yamato rested his fingertips on the cold metal of the door knob, taking a deep breath to calm his nerves, and freezing for a moment to brace himself for whatever state Kakashi would be in. Upon finally opening it with a click, he was met with a pitiful sight, one that almost made him wish that Kakashi would bully him and order him around, like he did back when he was an active member of the anbu.

Kakashi was sitting up in bed, staring blankly at the wall across from him. An oxygen mask was hastily, angrily discarded right next to him, but his exposed face didn't surprise Yamato, as he'd seen a glimpse of it before, by accident, of course. The copy nin made no motion to acknowledge Yamato as he made his way over to him, like he were in another world completely.

His form was noticeably thinner than the last time they'd met, and Yamato could see his protruding collar bones through the lousy, obviously-too-big, hospital gown, which slouched off one of his pale shoulders and made no attempt to cover him completely. He was glad that he'd brought the soup, because from what he saw, it looked like Kakashi had skipped more than just one meal.

More accurately, his captain appeared to be ill- he didn't exactly paint the picture of "healthy", with the thick bandages wrapped around his head, and just the fact that he connected to a heart monitor, which played a hypnotic, lonely sound that echoed off of the bleak walls, and with prolonged exposure, could probably drive someone crazy.

"Senpai," Yamato started softly, placing a warm hand on the said man's gaunt shoulders,"It's me, Yamato. "

Kakashi flinched, tensing up noticeably, before turning to look at him, his eyes focused again, connected to reality.

"Tenzou?" he chuckled, lifting a hand to rub the back of his neck nervously, "You startled me. It's been a long time, hasn't it?"

"Yeah, I guess it has," Yamato said in return, with a grin, plopping the bag into Kakashi's lap and taking a seat next to his blanketed feet, "So, how are you, Kakashi-senpai? I heard about the..."

 _The cancer._

Kakashi proceeded to open the bag he was presented with and peer into it, dark eyes lighting up when the rich smell of the dinner reached his hyper sensitive nose, as it had been much too long since he'd even gotten to look at real food. And he was _still_ restricted to only IV fluids by the hospital staff, who'd said it would be "backward for his recovery" if he did eat, but why tell Yamato that?

"Me? Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine, except for the occasional headache, of course. Hey, where'd you get this soup?" Kakashi said urgently, already pulling out the bowl and a disposable spoon that came with it.

"I'm serious, Kakashi. Will you be okay? How's the prognosis?"

Kakashi blew an uncharacteristic raspberry, loopy under the effect of morphine and a number of other drugs. "Shut up, you worry wart. I already told you, I am and will be fine. Now tell me, where'd you get this soup? It smells great."

Yamato rolled his eyes and sighed at the typical response- if he was fine, then why would he be stuck in a hospital bed?

"Um, you know that "Miyabaki Sushi Bar" place, right? Well, it also serves soup," he drawled, watching Kakashi practically inhale his meal after the first satisfying sip, "Gosh, slow down, you're going to get sick."

"Of course I know that place. I used to go to it practically every day when I was a stupid kid who couldn't cook," the Hatake said between hungry, yet graceful slurps, the fact that his visage was exposed not bothering him in the slightest, as Yamato had already caught a glimpse of it before in the past, when they were both hazy and carefree with intoxication, "Anyway, how are you doing? Is anbu treating you well? "

He looked up with narrowed eyes, momentarily distracted from his meal.

"Wait a second...You're not even wearing the uniform. Did you quit, or did they kick you out?"

Yamato sighed again, smiling wryly at the bluntness of the question. "The latter, senpai. Well, kind of...You see, it's only temporary."

Kakashi hunched over his bowl and continued to eat, silently urging his friend to continue talking, thoroughly enjoying the warmth traveling down to his stomach.

"So, basically, the fifth summoned for me one day. The next thing I know, my position is revoked and I'm a jonin-sensei. I mean, do I even look like a "sensei" to you?" Yamato said with a bemused groan, "Thankfully, it's not forever- I'm just filling in for you while you recover, like a substitute teacher. When you're better, it's back to anbu for me. Oh, and call me "Yamato" for at least a few months, okay? For the mission."

Kakashi finished his food and placed the empty bowl back into the paper bag, leaning back with a contented exhale, his arms resting behind his head. He wouldn't let it get to him. No, he would not let it bother him, because it was bound to happen one day. Of course his students would get a new teacher.

"Well, Tenzou, did _I_ look like sensei material to you?" he started cheerily, no signs of dismay apparent on his fair visage, "I honestly wasn't, but I kinda turned out to be a fantastic teacher."

The Hatake didn't dare to say, "Just look at me now".

Yamato shook his head and put his face in his hands, clearly stressed. "I don't know how I'm going to take responsibility for _three kids_ , Kakashi. I'm nowhere near as good as you are at...this kind of stuff. This is all too sudden."

Kakashi bonked him on the head, hard. Even if his legs weren't exactly up to par, his hands were perfectly fine.

"Oi, stop doing that. For what it's worth, I trust you enough to take care of my kids," he rebuked, "Just remember, if you go out for food, BBQ is a safe middle ground, because Naruto and Sasuke almost always argue over where to eat. Try to include Sakura in the sparring matches, because she tends to get insecure about her capabilities. Oh, and also, don't get too bothered if Naruto's rude at first- it'll just take a while for him to get used to you. Trust me, he's really not that bad of a kid."

Yamato rose his head with a smirk, his almond shaped eyes squinted mischievously as he stared at his former captain.

"Heh," he chuckled teasingly, "Is the Great Copy Ninja a mother now?"

Kakashi blushed, eyes widening in realization of what he'd said. "I-I was just trying to help you, make it easier to do the j-job," he spluttered, embarrassed, but not taking long to restore his cool exterior, "But _fine_ , if you want to be that way. Mess with my students, and you're done for. I'm watching you Yamato. Protect them with all you've got, because clearly, I can't right now."

"Understood, senpai," Yamato said firmly, his visage taking on a dead seriousness, "I won't let you down."

Kakashi would have nodded in acknowledgement of his friend's promise, but unfortunately, he wasn't presently able to, due to the fact that the meal he had scarfed down earlier was coming back to get him. He put a hand to his mouth and gagged, barely managing to keep everything in by that point. He realized, without amusement, that the doctors probably had a reason for prohibiting him from eating.

Yamato's expression went from one of "dead seriousness", to astonished concern as he watched Kakashi's visage pale to a sickly white tint and twist into a look of horror.

"Kakashi? What's wrong?!" he cried worriedly, his voice rising a few octaves in pitch.

The copy nin feverishly pointed to his throat, trying to explain without talking too much that there was bile rising up it, and fast. "I-I think I'm going to be...bucket... _bucket!_ "

He would have laughed at how Yamato shot off of the bed started to actually look around for a bucket in the sparsely decorated, practically empty hospital room, except all of his attention was focused on keeping the miso soup where it belonged.

"I can't find one, b-but there's a bathroom right there!" Yamato exclaimed anxiously, gesturing toward a door in the far corner, one that led to the toilet, "Hurry, go to the bathr- !"

Kakashi retched all over the white sheets, bile spurting through the fingers that covered his mouth. He didn't know how he was supposed to tell his former teammate that he couldn't even walk the ten meager feet to the bathroom, so he decided to say nothing at all.

"Oh, dear. Oh, dear," Yamato mumbled confusedly, stumbling to the door of the hospital room and poking his head out, "Nurse! Somebody, we need help in here!"

Luckily for him, a nurse was walking down the hallways, and upon hearing his call, dashed into the room, her brown eyes flitting around wildly for the source of the problem. She certainly did not expect to be met with the sight of Hatake Kakashi, the man who she'd regrettably flirted with, spewing miso broth and eggplant all over the covers that cleaning services had just washed.

"Oi!" she said almost angrily, rushing to Kakashi's side, all honorifics gone,"You ate something? You weren't supposed to have anything yet, unless you _wanted_ to vomit!"

The copy nin wiped his mouth and kept a hand there to cover it, looking up at her with droopy eyes. "Um, Yes. No. Maybe?"

Yamato watched in a sort of frustrated guilt as the muttering nurse draped one of Kakashi's thin arms over her narrow shoulders and guided him to the near bathroom, acting as a surprisingly strong crutch to a man that towered at least three heads over her. The brunette pouted like a child and crossed his arms over his chest, but found it very hard to remain that way when a limping Kakashi looked back and gave him a crooked, mischievous grin.

Of course, the man had just _forgotten_ to tell him that he wasn't supposed to eat anything.

* * *

Kakashi tried to keep his dark eyes focused on the slippers that warmed his feet as Gai rolled him back to his apartment, absolutely despising how people were actually stopping whatever they were doing to stare at him, despite the fact that the baggy sweater he had insisted on wearing because of its attached hood did a perfect job of hiding his bandages.

He couldn't understand why they were- was it because he was being rolled in a wheelchair by the one and only, extremely loud and talkative, flashy Maito Gai? And yes, he was in a wheelchair, because even if he _could_ walk a little bit better, like Tsunade had said he would be able to after a few days in the hospital, Kakashi still became annoyingly drained of his energy after performing tasks that would have been envyingly simple for him before. But he was sure that after a week or two of eating real food, that problem would be fixed.

Although a crochet throw blanket, one that he'd found himself swaddled in after one of Kurenai's visits, was cloaked over his shoulders, the deep blue clashing with his black ensemble, Kakashi felt the air chilling his bones, not terribly, but enough to make him shiver in discomfort. He supposed that feeling cold was understandable though- In the time that he'd stayed at the hospital, Spring had changed to Autumn.

In his lap was a gray duffle bag, filled up substantially with the clothing he'd dressed in during his stay, painkillers that he would have to use for at least a week to deal with the after effects of having a hole drilled into his skull, and a large number of get well soon gifts.

He was surprised at first, waking up to a growing quantity of cards, and knitted sweaters and scarves, because sadly, he didn't know that so many people even knew about his disease, much less cared about him enough to support him through it. Almost all of the jonin circle he was part of, including his former anbu teammates, had found out that he had been in the hospital because of the crippling cancer, and made sure to leave a present, some given discreetly by an anonymous name, and others signed openly in time consuming cursive. Well, not everyone wrote their cards in cursive, Kakashi observed- to be frank, knuckleheads like Naruto wrote in chicken scratch that even he had difficulty reading.

Even his Genin's _friends_ knew that "Kakashi-sensei" had brain cancer, and actually came with their respective sensei, or his own students a few times to see how he was doing. He could safely say that their squeaky, prepubescent voices didn't help his headache.

The gesture in itself was warm, really- Kakashi appreciated that people were going out of their ways to visit him and all; he couldn't explicitly recall anyone doing something like that for him before. He'd always been by himself, alone, engrossed by quiet solitude- It was just how life had been for the most part, and it didn't bother him either. That was why all of the attention irked him in a way, even overwhelmed him. Then again, who wouldn't prefer privacy to being the gossip of Konoha?

"We're here, my rival Kakashi!" Gai said suddenly, in a sing song voice that snapped Kakashi out of his musings and made him wonder why the hell his friend was so happy. Looking up, he saw that they were right outside his modest apartment complex.

"Ah, I see that," the Hatake mumbled tiredly, placing the duffel on the cemented ground and standing with a grunt, pushing all of his weight onto the dark arm rests of the wheelchair to propel himself upward, "Give me the crutches, will you?"

Gai came forward to stand in front of him, glancing uncertainly at the the metal braces in his arms. "Are you sure? I can carry you, you know!"

Again, Kakashi appreciated the gesture, and where it was coming from, but no. No way _in hell_.

"Um, I can manage, thanks. Crutches?" he said, mentally cringing. Gai relented with a sigh and handed Kakashi the sticks of support, proceeding to fold up the wheelchair and lift it with one muscled hand over his shoulder.

"Come on, Gai. Let's go."

The two minute journey to Kakashi's third floor apartment took five times as long, due to the fact that he refused any help from Gai, who had to silently watch how painfully hard it was for his friend to use crutches to walk up the flight of stairs. Eventually though, they made it, because as weak as Kakashi was, he was significantly stronger than he had been at the hospital.

When Kakashi timidly stepped back into his home, flicking on the lights by the front door, he'd expected it to be the way he'd left it, if not dirtier than before. But what he saw was certainly not "dirty"- the wooden floor glistened more than it ever had, and there wasn't a single cobweb in sight. In fact, the place was actually brighter, as if someone had gone so far as to replace the light bulbs.

"Well, how do you like it?"Gai questioned expectantly, setting down both the duffel bag and Kakashi's wheelchair on the gleaming floor. The copy nin sniffed in response, taking in the lemon scented furniture polish that waded through the air as he stepped further into his apartment.

"Wow...did you do this?" Kakashi said in awe, eyes flitting from the freshly vacuumed area rug, to a throw pillow he didn't remember seeing before, a tan one that went perfectly with the dark brown of his suede love seat,"It's...incredible. _I've_ never even cleaned this thoroughly, and I'm the one who lives here."

Gai nodded eagerly. "Yes, I did! Well, Kurenai and Asuma did, too. It was Kurenai's idea, actually," he gushed, "She said that before a long mission, she always cleans her home, so that when she comes back, it seems like a surprise. And besides, coming to a dirty home after such a long mission would totally suck, right? "

Kakashi smiled genuinely, a bubbling feeling rising up from the pit of his gut, warming his chest. He seriously couldn't believe how he'd happened to make such good friends.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Hello, people who read my storayyyyy. I really hope it is to your liking. Anyways, I was thinking, in your reviews, you should leave your pairing ideas, not only for Kakashi, but for other characters as well. Now, to be clear, the pairings can be with whoever the hell you want- even an OC that you make up, or maybe an OC in my story. But keep in mind that it should probably pertain to the story, if you know what I mean. Like, Sakura can't date Kakashi, cause he's a father figure to her in this fic. Sorry, supporters of KakaSaku.

And I was also thinking...something y'all may hate me for thinking about. Okay, so how the hell is Kakashi supposed to liveee! Gimme some ideas! I mean, really think about it: He has BRAIN CANCER. It would take a miracle for him to live normally, and I really want to keep this story realistic. Now, nothing is definite, so don't stop reading just cause you think Kakashi's going to die!

Also, y'all can tell me whatever else you want to be included in the story line. But to be honest with you, I seriously want him to fall in love at some point, so gimme some tips on how to make that happen!

Thank you for reading! Hopefully I'll update in a week or two?!


	16. Chapter 16: Physical Therapy?

_129 pounds._

Kakashi stepped off of the scale with a disheartened frown and trudged to the mirror with a weakened gait, slowly wiping away the accumulated steam to get a better look at himself. What he saw absolutely disgusted him.

He'd always been on the thinner side, but he'd never been so blatantly skinny. And he knew that with a disease like cancer, it was going to be hard to maintain his muscular physique, but he still hoped that at least _that_ reassuring part of him would stay the same. Seeing himself like this- it was a painful wake up call, to say the least.

While the rest of Team 7 hung out with their new sensei, The copy ninja spent his time in front of the mirror, gently tracing his ribs and grossly protruding hip bones, feverishly trying to find the disappearing lines of muscular definition on his abdomen. He gingerly ran a hand through the random tufts of silver hair sprouting from his head, grimacing upon laying eyes on the long surgical scar, that ran all the way from his temple to the tip of his ear, in a path that resembled a question mark.

Kakashi couldn't recognize the person standing in front of him, the washed out, stick thin version of himself. Chuckling wryly, he wondered how his students would react if they saw him like this, if they really took a long look at him. They would probably be scared of him.

Maybe they would fail to notice it was him at all.

He ended his inspection with a frustrated sigh and a shake of his head to dispel all of the negative thoughts, bending down to retrieve some gauze from the bathroom cabinet. Without a word, Kakashi wrapped his head in a roll of bandages, hiding his tender, tingling wound from the world, himself included.

After pulling on a baggy pair of sweatpants that slid down his hips no matter how many tightly he tied the two strings, and an old, black T-shirt that he was practically swimming in, he grabbed his crutches and hobbled to the kitchen, deciding that it was seriously time to up his caloric intake and eat like the man he used to be, even if it physically hurt him. He had already come to a bleak realization that it was a vital step to his recovery.

Gazing vacantly into his restocked fridge for a few painfully contemplative minutes, he pulled out a cool, condensing pitcher of milk, a carton of blueberries, and a bag of market bread- whole wheat with oats, just as he preferred it. Because standing for long amounts of time without feeling faint was something Kakashi needed to work on greatly, he whipped up a relatively simple breakfast; two pieces of toast, with a small bowl of fruit and a glass of whole fat milk on the side.

He put his plate down on the spotless, glass table and sat down heavily, feeling utterly ridiculous. The copy nin wondered if other grown men, shinobi, for that matter, drank whole fat milk for breakfast in a juvenile attempt to put on some weight, to become part of a normal percentile range again.

Sighing and shaking his head again, tired of his whole, rather inescapable predicament, Kakashi closed his eyes and took a hearty bite out of his bread, officially starting the meager breakfast he'd made for himself. He then rose his tall glass of milk in an empty, pointless toast, before reluctantly taking a long swig out of it, his adam's apple bobbing up and down as he tried to finish the serving in one go, get everything over with.

The frothy, sweet taste brought back a lot of unwanted memories- snuggling into his father's chest before bed, being lulled to sleep with a story, eyes drooping contentedly- or even getting the white substance shoved down his throat before going to the academy, with a disgustingly sweet tablespoon honey mixed in, because Dad had always said that it helped with concentration.

He buried these moments deep, deep into the back of his mind, because even if they were "happy", they presented themselves with a painful twinge of the heart, and a bitter reminder of his abandoned childhood, things he simply didn't want to have to deal with anymore. And he shouldn't have to think about his father's "decision" every single day, right? He was 27, an adult, and perhaps it was time to move on and break the grudge, forgive and forget.

Kakashi slammed the glass, which was now empty, save for a few residual droplets, back onto the table, wiping the froth from his lips.

He was never one to drink such things, but admittedly, the milk wasn't completely unbearable. His actual breakfast though, toast and blueberries, was barely touched, and it had already been close to 15 minutes, he observed, glancing over at his oven clock. He frowned, feeling as if he'd failed a test.

Kakashi wasn't typically picky about his food, but the rest of his meal suddenly looked grossly dank in comparison to the cold, refreshing glass he'd just downed. The toast was burnt, because he'd never been too good at "cooking". The blueberries were a bit too ripe.

How could he possibly eat something so mediocre? What if the fruit was infected by some kind of unknown bacteria?

Oh, who was he even kidding. In truth, it had just been too long since he'd had a real meal, and he actually did like milk, as a grown man. Maybe, if he drank another glass, or two, that would make up for ditching his original breakfast.

Yes, he could definitely fix this.

* * *

Two glasses of milk later, there was a loud knocking. Kakashi got up with a grunt, grabbing the pair of crutches he'd set against a near wall, before making his way over to the living room, and eventually, the front door.

Upon opening it with a click, he found himself looking down at a rather petite woman with dark, brown hair up to her shoulders. She gazed up- yes, _up_ \- at him with unusually large eyes of a similar shade, and the way she was tapping her foot, exuding an air of impatience, made it seem like it was him who was inconveniencing her.

He did recognize her though, even if her hair was a bit longer, and she was wearing a ratty T-shirt with blue, boot legged jeans rather than the hospital garb he was accustomed to seeing her in. It was the same girl who'd flirted with him while escorting him to the MRI, the nurse who'd helped him clean up after the "incident" with miso soup and eggplant.

"How can I help you?" Kakashi drawled in a deep-chested, baritone voice, eyes trailing down to a stuffed blue sports bag by her worn sneakers. She picked it up and slung it over her scrawny shoulders, surprising him with the amount of weight she could hold.

"Lady Tsunade didn't tell you?" she replied with a sniff, a perfectly plucked, dark eyebrow raised in question. When the woman didn't get a response, she took it upon herself to tell him what the hokage had forgotten to say.

"Well, I guess I'm the lady who's going to provide you with home health care."

"Excuse me?" Kakashi said, his passive gaze failing to show that he was truly confused as to what she was talking about.

"Godaime said you weren't going to come to the hospital yourself, so I was sent here to make sure you were doing okay after the surgery," she repeated evenly in a somewhat excessively cheery manner, slipping past him and walking into the living room, looking around to get a feel of the place she would be working in, "To like, you know, check up on your incision, work on your physical therapy, all that good stuff."

 _I don't remember paying for this._

She turned and gave the copy nin a cheesy grin, one that was too obviously fake. "Just expect me to be coming here for a few weeks, okay? Oh, and by the way, you've got a little somethin' on your lips."

Although, the nurse showed no outward signs of attraction like last time, as she was currently in a genuine relationship, she was inwardly impressed by his appearance. And who wouldn't be? He was hot, admittedly hotter than her fiancé, with that narrow jawline, and those deliciously high cheekbones. But hey, just because she had a rather good eye for attractive men, didn't mean that she was any less loyal to _her_ man.

Kakashi blushed and felt his mouth, raising a hand to his eyes to see a white, frothy substance on his fingers. It was the milk. Shit.

But that was besides the point- he had somehow forgotten to wear a mask. Without a word, he dashed to his bedroom, amazingly fast for someone with only one fully functional leg. There, he frantically fumbled through his drawers for a clean one, completely mortified, wondering how long it would take for him to get himself together.

He returned a few minutes later, visibly composed, and of course, with a tight, black fabric obscuring the lower half of his visage from view. In the time of his absence, the nurse had taken a seat on the couch and set the bag down onto the coffee table.

"So," she said politely, getting up with a smile, "We should get started, shouldn't we? Take a seat, so that I can check on your incision."

The copy ninja stared at her dumbly, a bit flabbergasted by the unexpected visit, still doubtful as to why the weird woman was in _his_ apartment, sitting on _his_ couch. On top of that, he couldn't exactly comprehend how she was acting so sane, how she'd managed to talk in an indoor voice.

"Oh! Forgive me, I forgot to introduce myself!" she gushed with a few loose chuckles upon noticing his confused look, her cheeks dusted a light pink in embarrassment, "I'm Kotomi, remember?! We met at the hospital! Well, Hatake-san, let us begin, right?"

Ah, there it was. Her "weird" side.

"Just Kakashi is fine," he said plainly, taking a seat on one of his suede sofas, placing the crutches on the floor beside him. He supposed that he might as well let someone check on the wound- he wanted to make sure it didn't infect, which was unlikely, but it was better to be safe than sorry.

She grinned and positioned herself in front of the copy nin and leaned forward to unwrap his bandages, close enough that he could smell her cinnamon scented body spray. Kakashi shifted in discomfort once his scalp was exposed to the chilly air, wondering if she would judge his "haircut". But she inspected it in surprisingly professional manner, careful to keep her touch light and delicate, as to not pain her patient.

As she looked over his surgical scar like the doctor she really was, he noticed a sparkling diamond ring on her left hand.

"You're married," Kakashi said out loud, breaking the awkward silence.

"Oh, this," Kotomi chuckled lightheartedly, her features softening as she gazed upon the symbol of her relationship, "Yeah, I'm engaged, but the wedding's in January."

"Well, congratulations. May you have many kids," he said in mock cheeriness, giving her a close eyed smile. Kakashi watched in slight amusement as the nurse blushed like a school girl and averted her eyes, which were now clouded over in excitement, and perhaps love for the man she was to soon marry.

"Thank you," she mumbled, tucking a strand of dark hair behind one ear, before looking back at him, brown orbs suddenly wider than they already were, gleaming as she thought of an excellent idea,"Hey, would you like it if I grew your hair back?"

Kakashi arched a silver eyebrow. "You could do that?" he said in return, suddenly conscious of the uneven bunches of fur growing from his scalp. If he had a full head of hair, then maybe he would feel comfortable enough to go out into the village again.

"Yeah, I _definitely_ could. I know this jutsu that speeds up cell growth, and I've used it on my own hair before, so I know it works." the nurse blurted out, nodding vigorously, not realizing that she said she'd used it on herself.

He silently agreed to go through with the procedure. Kotomi nodded eagerly and rose her small hands to his head, closing her eyes in concentration as she drove green chakra toward his scalp. To his astonishment, long locks started to grow outward in crazy spikes almost immediately, some falling over his forehead in an uneven imitation of bangs.

"Who taught you this jutsu? Tsunade-sama?" he asked out of sheer curiosity, running a callused hand through his restored mane in awe, relishing in the warmth his new hair brought to the previously barren skin. Kotomi fell back onto the couch beside him, breathing heavily, the pale flesh of her face dotted with perspiration. She was drained, unexpectedly so.

"No, I invented it," she started, shaking her head, trying to catch her breath simultaneously, "After chemo, I wasn't taking the whole bald look very well, so I sped up my hair growth with this exact technique."

Kakashi's eyes widened considerably as he turned and stared at her, his breath catching in his throat. Chemo, as in _chemotherapy?_

"So...you have cancer, too, huh?"

"Had," she corrected with a tired exhale, looking down at her feet as she remembered what she had to go through, "I had acute myeloid leukemia, three years ago...really is a terrible kind to have, you know."

She rose her head abruptly and matched the intensity of his bewildered gaze, smiling proudly, almost arrogantly. "But somehow, I got past it. I'm a cancer survivor. And hey, if this pipsqueak can live after God knows how many rounds of chemo, then I think you'll be just fine, Kakashi."

For the first time since his diagnosis, the copy ninja began to hope for a future.

* * *

Taking his captain's advice, Yamato had brought his new students over to a restaurant called "Yakiniku Q", the place Kakashi had recommended. The atmosphere was awkward, to say the least, but nothing too different from what he had anticipated.

They were seated around a wooden table, platters of seasoned beef laying untouched around the large grill in the center. He was alone on one side, while the three of them were bunched up across from him, refusing to initiate any conversation, expressions childishly sullen, but with hints of a hidden, wistful sadness.

Yamato wasn't holding their behavior against them though- in his eyes, they had every right to show him such attitude. After all, he was the one who'd practically snatched away their sensei. He picked up a rather large piece of meat with his chopsticks and plopped it onto the barbecue, deciding that it would be a shame to waste his hard earned money.

"So," he started, leaning back as he waited for his meal to cook, gaze fixated on the children before him, "How about we introduce ourselves?"

One of them, Naruto, huffed mockingly, jerking his head in the other direction and crossing his arms. The girl out of them all bit her bottom lip and averted her eyes, showing blatant signs of discomfort. The lone Uchiha did nothing but click his tongue.

"Why don't I start us off?" Yamato said cheerily, shrugging off their rudeness, "My name is Yamato. I like reading about architecture and building houses. I don't really like food that is excessively greasy...Anyone else?"

"Dreams for the future..." Naruto mumbled, looking down at his bitten fingernails.

Yamato furrowed his brows in confusion, cocking his head to the side. "Excuse me?"

"I said...dreams for the future," the Uzumaki responded gruffly, matching the older man's gaze, "You're also supposed to say your dreams for the future."

"Oh..." Yamato chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly, "My dreams for the future, huh? I guess I haven't thought about it...Now, would any of you guys like to go? How about you...Sakura?"

She sat up straighter and looked around wildly, as if there was another "Sakura" in the restaurant that he could be addressing. "M-me? Um...My likes...I l-like...I-I..."

She gulped deeply, gritting her teeth to keep her chin from quivering, her jade eyes glossing over with tears. It just didn't feel right for her to have to do _two_ introductions.

Upon sideways glancing at his fidgeting teammate, the crease between Naruto's blonde eyebrows deepened in anger, or rather, frustration.

"You know what, _person,_ " he said coldly, getting up from his seat and slamming both hands onto the table, causing the plates to jump up in protest,"I'm over this! You can't ever be our sensei! Kakashi-sensei's the only one we wa-"

"Shut up, Naruto," Sasuke cut in bluntly, staring impassively into Yamato's dark eyes,"You do remember what Lady Tsunade said, right?"

The Uzumaki slowly sat down with an exaggerated pout, refusing to even look at the man in front of him. He knew inside that how he was reacting was completely out of line, as it wasn't Yamato's fault that he was chosen to take Kakashi's place.

Naruto had seen Kakahi's emaciated form at the hospital with his own two eyes. The man barely talked or ate, just slept, a needle providing him with the food he needed. He knew that with how weak Kakashi was, they _needed_ a temporary sensei. But even so, he couldn't help but harbor some childish hate for the man who was treating them to barbecue like his sensei used to.

Yamato sighed and took his burnt meat off of the grill, not bothering to eat it. He knew that this was a terrible idea. The kids _hated_ him, and with a passion, too. Frankly, he didn't want to be hated.

The unmistakable sound of a juicy slice of meat being plopped onto the barbecue, sizzling and steaming upon making contact, reached the former anbu's ears. Yanking his head up, he found that Sakura had started to cook her own food, and to his utter surprise, was giving him a small, tentative smile. Yamato watched in astonishment as her teammates did the same, not smiling, but not terribly angry like before either.

"Hey, _person_ , aren't you going to eat?"

Yamato nodded with a warm smile, proceeding to pick up a piece of beef.

"Hai, hai."

Maybe, just maybe, this would work.

* * *

"Come on, be a man, Kakashi! Just five more! Don't you dare give up now!"

He was lying on a yoga mat, turned onto his side, his knees bent, one resting atop the other. The exercise would have seemed stupidly easy to him before, when he was in peak health- he just had to raise his upper knee away from the other and hold the position for a measly ten seconds. But raising his right leg even a few inches in his current state, took nearly everything out of him.

"Oi, don't roll your hips back, Hatake! This is your recovery, not mine! Do you want to walk again, or not?!" Kotomi shouted sternly, acting as a brutally honest coach rather than a preppy cheerleader.

She had even gone as far as to dress for the part, wearing a pair of gray track pants and a short sleeved top that seemed shockingly bright in comparison to the rather bland furnishings around her.

"I...do!" Kakashi grunted, lifting his bad knee into the air, his face contorting with the sheer amount of exertion the simple act took, salty sweat pouring out of every orifice on his body.

He too was wearing clothing meant for working out; a pair of athletic shorts, an old muscle shirt, and tennis shoes that he hadn't set eyes on for years, before current events. But even with the smart choice of apparel, his lungs burned with every wheeze, and his leg still felt as if it were on fire as he struggled to push through.

"ONE MORE! ONE MORE AND YOU'RE DONE FOR THE DAY!" she exclaimed encouragingly, getting down and close to his ear, drops of perspiration forming on her own brow from just watching him, "This is for your career as a shinobi! For the citizens of Konoha, who need the copy ninja to protect them!"

Kakashi gasped and rose his blazing leg one last time, eyes screwed shut to ward off the pain. Yes, he was doing this for the village that it was his duty to guard, for the students he so badly wanted to teach again!

"Hold your knee there...hold it...and now, rest!"

Kotomi watched in a proud sort of amazement as he continued despite how much it hurt, driven by sheer will and determination.

The copy nin repeated the movement five more times before he collapsed onto the training mat in exhaustion, panting heavily. He self consciously sat up and grabbed the water bottle beside him, turning the other direction to take a well needed, and well deserved drink. The cold liquid simply felt great against his parched throat.

The certified doctor waited patiently as he hydrated himself, a pleased grin adorning her feminine features.

"Now, that's what I'm talking about! You've really improved!" she gushed when he'd had his fill and decided to face her again, "I have a really good feeling that with one or two more weeks of therapy, you'll be good to go."

"Is this even "therapy"?" Kakashi questioned bluntly, once he'd caught his breath, the visible portion of his face a flushed red, silver bangs matted to his pale forehead, wet and slick with perspiration, "I mean, aren't therapists supposed to be more...gentle?"

She chuckled obnoxiously in response, slapping his back a few times for good measure, not seeming to mind that it was damp with fresh sweat. Since they'd been training together for a good number of days by that point, Kakashi didn't react to her behavior, more or less used to the way she acted during his therapeutic sessions- hearty and tough, like a grown man.

"I'm not your average "therapist", Kakashi. Tsunade-sama _did_ send me here for a reason- I get the job done, quickly and effectively!"

He rose his shoulders in a lighthearted shrug, agreeing to disagree. "Yup, you aren't. I'd think a therapist would be a bit quieter," Kakashi said frankly, but upon seeing her pout and cross her arms, quickly added, "Hey, whatever works, right?"

Kotomi's pink lips started to tug upward in another smile, before curving down abruptly, making him wonder what had suddenly happened to make her act so uncharacteristically serious.

She blinked a few times, feeling as the blood slowly drained from her head and down to her running shoes, leaving her as pale as a white sheet of paper. It was the same sensation from before, the one she'd been trying to ignore.

"...Kotomi?" he said confusedly.

"I don't feel...good..." she whispered with a nervous gulp, slurring her words. She watched uneasily as Kakashi's concerned expression blurred, tripling into three.

Her head fell forward suddenly, prompting him to lurch forward and grab her shoulders before she could completely tip over. He quickly gathered her delicate form in his arms and stood with a grunt to set her down on the couch, proceeding to expertly unscrew the cap of his water bottle and bring it toward her blanched lips.

"What happened? Are you alright?" he said urgently, offering her his drink, "Here, have some water, it'll make you feel better."

Kotomi gazed up at him blearily, before grabbing the bottle and taking a few tentative sips from it, muttering a quick thanks. And as he was honest to his words, she really did began to feel better after sitting down to rest for a few minutes, and drinking the water in regular intervals.

But as some problems become resolved, others decide to show up.

Kakashi's eyes narrowed and he leaned forward from where he was seated next to her, his intent gaze fixated on a crimson liquid trickling down her upper lip. "Your nose...it's bleeding," he started worriedly, bringing a callused thumb forward to wipe away the dark substance, which contrasted greatly with the pallor that her features had taken on.

She stood abruptly, her visage paling even further if possible, eyes widening in shock.

"Shit..." Kotomi cursed under her breath, cupping a hand over the lower half of her mouth, feeling the wetness for herself, "...Um, c-can I use your b-bathroom?"

He slowly nodded with a raised eyebrow, watching her fidget with a growing curiosity. "Yeah, of course. It's down the hallway, to the right."

Without a word, the nurse hurried away and disappeared into the said room, closing the door with an audible slam.

Kotomi ran the tap with tremulous hands, frantically trying to wash away the flowing blood from her nose, her brown orbs glistening with unshed tears. A clawing panic overtook her, accompanied with the presence of a caustic bile climbing up her throat. A single question repeatedly resonated throughout her narrowed mind, driving her further into her self created, seemingly irrational world of fear.

 _Was the cancer back?_

She gingerly rose her shirt, revealing a blooming, purple bruise marring the tender flesh right above her hip.

And she was bruising, too. It didn't hurt, but it was still a symptom, as was the fatigue and her nosebleed, how it had presented itself the last time. She couldn't do this again. The debilitating chemo, the risky clinical trials- she didn't want to have to deal with what she had already put behind her. She'd just made a life for herself, gotten a new career, pursued one of her first serious relationships...

But if she really did have cancer, then that would be her only choice. She would have to leave everything behind.

After closing the faucet and taking a few deep, shuddering breaths to prevent herself from having a full blown anxiety attack, Kotomi stepped out of the bathroom and started toward the living room, her feet numb, unfeeling.

Upon seeing her come out, he clumsily stood up, a bit unbalanced due to his "bad" leg. She turned away from his worried stare, a thin crease forming between her eyebrows as she thought of what her future held.

"Hey...I'm going to go, all right? I mean, we're pretty much done, anyway..." Kotomi mumbled distractedly, her mind clearly somewhere else, her apprehension painfully palpable. Kakashi's eyes, or open eye rather, followed as she rose a hand in an empty goodbye and pivoted on her heel, showing herself out of the modest apartment.

After that day, Kotomi failed to show up for the therapy sessions that they'd been having for nearly two weeks.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

Helloooooo. This chapter is honestly not one of my best. If you don't like it, I can take it off and write one that meets your standards. Now, I know for a fact that my grammatical skills are probably not what's making it a "bad" chapter. It's probably the new O.C.

Heheh, about that... Okay, so I introduced Kotomi because I thought it would be nice for Kakashi to have someone to relate to, someone else with cancer like him. And also because she's a possible romantic interest of his. AHH DON'T HATE ME!

Now before you run away, hear me out. Gai and Kakashi are supposed to be friends in this fic, intimate friends, but still, only friends. He can't be with his kids cause he's a father figure to them. Hana...that would be pretty awk because she's Kiba's sister. And Anko. She's way too wild for him. I wanted someone who was wild, not afraid to cross the boundaries, but also sweet and gentle. Loving. Marriage material. I honestly think Anko doesn't fit the said categories, maybe roughly, but not enough.

So, I was thinking they could meet during chemo. Yeah, the next few chaps are about his chemo, which will be a violent clinical trial that he'll choose to take instead of the regular dose of temodar, since he wants to get better faster. This'll take about a month in the hospital. Inpatient. Oh, and also, the clinical trial is made up, because I'm not a doctor, lol.

I've secretly planned out a lot of their love life. I want to depict it as sweet and simple, but at the same time, adventurous. Innocent, but eventually passionate. She shows him a whole new side of life. They're going to be close friends, too.

If you're okay with it, I can continue, but if not let me know, all right? I was really hoping to make it work, but I have to take your opinions into account.

Alright, just one more thing before I leave ya'll alone. Do you actually want him to live?

BYEEEEE.


	17. Chapter 17: Comrades

Chapter 17: Comrades

 _As humans, we often find ourselves stuck at a crossroads, torn between two deceivingly similar paths. But because we're a rather selfish species, we decide based on the outcome, the final destination of the whole journey, rather than the journey itself._

 _And since the copy ninja is also a human, he found himself stuck in one of these particularly difficult situations._

"You have two choices, Kakashi. The first option is an oral medication called _temozolomide_ , or temodar," Tsunade started practically, gesticulating with her hands as if she were talking to a child, making sure to hold her gaze with the shinobi seated before her desk. "You would take it in regular intervals, and the good thing about it is that there aren't many side effects."

He leaned forward with a deep gulp, his palms sweating underneath the table, brows knitted in utter confusion at the complicated vocabulary she was spewing. "And the second option? What is it?"

The hokage cleared her throat and looked down for a fleeting second, breaking the connection that they'd shared through the much needed eye contact. However short, that mere moment of insecurity on Tsunade's part was enough to worry Kakashi, who was already anxious enough.

"Well, after years of careful research, we came up with a clinical trial," she said finally, making her voice as professional as she could manage, "But it isn't a fairly established procedure, Kakashi. As a consequence, you'd have to stay in the hospital for about a month, inpatient, so we can observe you. And there are...many side effects, if you're comparing it to the temodar."

He narrowed his eyes, taking in the new information. It certainly didn't sound pleasant, to say the least.

"What are the side effects, Lady Tsunade?" Kakashi questioned with a sigh, crossing his arms and reclining back into a more comfortable position. It seemed as if nothing was easy these days, so he might as well accept it, endure it.

"Loss of appetite, nausea, weight loss...You'll throw up without a doubt, and lose a few more pounds. Diarrhea, or conversely constipation could effect you. The medication reacts differently with each individual, so it's hard to tell you exactly what to expect," she started hesitantly, reluctant to reveal the whole truth to him. But no, she knew she had to, because he had cancer, and it was her responsibility as a doctor to tell him _everything_ , just as it was. There was no time for feelings, simply no _time_ to sugarcoat.

"I can assure you that you'll be in such debilitating pain, you'll need help walking to the bathroom. Your immune system will be so weakened by the medicine, that we'll have to regulate whatever you eat and who goes into your room. You _will_ feel like absolute crap, Kakashi."

"I don't understand..." he started huskily, voice gravelly with fatigue. He ran a hand through his messy mop of hair, as his overgrown bangs were starting to become uncomfortably long. "How can there possibly be any benefits at all to the clinical trial?"

Frankly, it sounded like it would harm him more than help him.

"You would recover significantly faster. We're betting on a year until remission with the temodar, whereas the clinical trial would take a month to work, ideally," she explained, then added, to sound like less of a robot and more of a human, "Look, I'm not telling you to pick the latter, although it _would_ be more convenient in the long run. Whichever you choose, it's always your decision, Kakashi. You're an adult and you _can_ make choices for yourself, never forget that."

There was no doubt in his genius mind that she was utterly wrong. His decisions were always, _always_ influenced by someone who wasn't him, by a precious person that he cared far too much about.

"I..." he started softly, after a contemplative pause, staring somewhere into the blue morning sky outside the window behind her head, "I'll..."

He envisioned three bright, ear to ear grins, hearing nothing but a gaggle of childish giggles and the occasional dispute that, of course, he would have to break up.

"...I'll go with the clinical trial."

* * *

"Kurenai?" Kakashi said confusedly, slowly setting down his book.

"Hey, Kakashi," The kunoichi greeted with a small wave from the door, proceeding to stride over to his bed and plop right down, after carefully placing an overnight bag on the tile next to her feet.

"Um...What are you doing here?" he asked finally, subconsciously sitting up straighter, pulling the blanket over his legs. She punched him on the shoulder lightly at that. He flinched in discomfort, as the impact of the hit was a little too close to the fresh incision on his chest. He didn't blame her though, as it was secure underneath the cotton of his T-shirt, hidden from any watching eyes.

"Wow, thanks for the warm welcome," Kurenai uttered sarcastically, face clearly unimpressed, "I'm staying overnight. Thought you'd want someone here for your first day."

Kakashi shifted uneasily, staring out the window, not looking at the moon, but instead at the infinite darkness."You didn't have to do that...I'm sure Gai, or maybe Asu-"

"I heard they're both away on missions, but they'd do the same, because after all, they _are_ your comrades," she interrupted with a sigh, starting to stand up, "Anyways, I'm going to go the bathroom. Can't sleep in _this_ , can I?."

The man's eyes followed as she picked up her backpack and made her way to the door, his brows furrowed, mouth unsure of what it would say when it finally did open up.

"...Hey," he stopped her, "Thanks, Kurenai. It...means a lot."

She froze mid step, her hand on the door knob, embellished lips lighting up into a smile. "Of course, Kakashi. We're comrades after all."

* * *

"Breathe in, Mr. Hatake," said the nurse, a plump, old woman, with laughing creases lining her wise eyes. He inhaled deeply, expecting the worse.

When she pushed the large needle into his implanted port, a catheter like device attached to a central vein underneath his skin, a pained gasp didn't fail to escape past his parted lips, his eyes reflexively watering with burning tears.

"You did well," the nurse encouraged with a voice aged by time, pruned fingers dexterously working to cover the access site under his collarbone with bandages. "You did very well, Kakashi."

He pulled the left sleeve of his tank top back on with wide eyes and tiredly confined himself to the mattress, aching head leaning back into the white, utilitarian pillows. Kakashi watched as she messed with the tube coming out of his chest, attaching it to a pouch with a frighteningly unusual amber looking substance in it. He could only watch as the clinical trial begin to drip into his port.

"You know, someone's movin' a bed in here, right next to your own. Saw the hospital staff lugging it up in the elevator," the nurse started, finally turning to face him, "I'm sure a handsome boy like you has a wife to support you on your first day..."

Kakashi shook his head slightly to quell off her thoughts, eyes closed, as he was starting to feel a bit drowsy. "She's a friend, and only that. I'm not into marriage. Too much commitment."

"I see...Well, press the call button if anything goes wrong. There's a bucket at your bedside just in case, alright? Good luck, I really do hope that everything goes well," the nurse said with a genuine smile, then started to walk away, her heels making clapping sounds on the hard floor.

Kakashi opened his eyes abruptly, remembering something. "Excuse me, but I have a question."

The elderly women turned around. "Yes?"

"Do you know a girl named Kotomi? I think she works here..." _And she randomly disappeared on me._

 _"_ Kotomi Hagiwara, huh? Well, she's on leave right now. Actually, she's admitted in a room on the same floor as you, right now."

His breath caught in his throat, as he was completely taken by surprise.

"...Why?" he questioned, his eyebrows arched dramatically, "For what?"

"Couldn't tell you that," she said diplomatically in response, "Patient confidentiality."

"Well, could you at least tell me her room number?" Kakashi pushed on, now fully sitting up in bed.

The nurse shrugged unknowingly. "I'm sorry, but I don't treat her on a day-to-day basis. And with my old, wrinkled brain, I wouldn't remember even if I did. Would you like me to find out for you though?"

"Please."

* * *

It was somewhere between midnight and dawn when he woke up in a cold sweat, gasping for breath, his stomach sore and churning violently with food he didn't remember eating. Gripping his pained abdomen, Kakashi reached over the side of the bed, fumbling for the bucket, eyes blurring, mind foggy. He made a conscious effort to stay as silent as possible, as Kurenai was fast asleep right next to him, her breaths even. He would die of embarrassment if he did it in front of her.

His trembling hands knocked the bucket to the floor with a loud clang.

"...Kakashi?" Kurenai mumbled with a yawn, starting to sit up in bed. He had been too loud.

"What are you doing? Is something wro-"

Somehow, with the aid of adrenaline, he swiped the bucket off the ground and removed his mask with a flick of the wrist, before retching into the container, his face practically hidden in the opening. Kurenai jumped out of bed and bolted to his side, placing a hand on his hunched back, all the sleep driven from her eyes. Face twisting grotesquely in agony, Kakashi continued to vomit, barely having time to breathe before another strong wave of nausea wracked his form.

"Should I call the nurse?" she questioned worriedly, rubbing circles on his back in an attempt to alleviate the pain, her eyes wide, pupils narrowed.

"No," he gasped pleadingly, jerking away from her touch, a pale, shaking hand held up to stop her from coming any closer. "No...J-just leave. _Go away_."

He was disgusted with himself, completely mortified, set off by any voice, sound, touch.

"How could I leave you like _this_? What do you take me for?!" Kurenai seethed, angry that he would even _think_ to say such a thing.

This time, Kakashi sobbed, feeling the acid coming up his gullet again. He ducked his head into the bucket and threw up once more, his throat on fire.

Her features softened with empathy. "Oh, Kakashi..." she whispered, taking a seat next to him on the mattress, holding his heaving frame with both hands. "Just let me help you. Just let me."

His face sickeningly pale and beaded with sweat, sticky hair matted to his forehead, Kakashi stared at the ceiling, allowing her to embrace him. Gradually the fight began to leave him, and he fell back against the headrest of his bed, lips chapped and quivering, forehead creased with the weight of his troubles, his eyes beginning to water. Kakashi's adam's apple bobbed up and down as he struggled to keep another cry from ripping past his throat.

Kurenai looked up just in time to see a single tear slide down the ivory flesh of his cheek. Wordlessly, she set his head against her shoulder, her fingers starting to soothingly stroke his damp hair out of his eyes.

It had been a harsh night, but somehow, in a comrade's company, sleep found him.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

Hey. Long time. Leave some reviews, cause they keep me motivated to write. Don't hesitate to tell me how you felt about this chap.


	18. Chapter 18: Plummet

**A/N:** Hi! I know there was some confusion on the "clinical trial". So basically, it's like regular IV chemo; fluids are given through an implanted catheter in the chest. But Kakashi's chemo in particular is supposed to be very harsh and dangerous. And by implanted, I mean surgically implanted. Ouch, right? I didn't make a whole chapter about the surgical procedure because it honestly didn't seem that relevant to the plot. If you're still confused, I guess you could search it up, lol. Have fun reading!

* * *

Chapter 18: Plummet

There were only a few times in her life that the hokage fell asleep involuntarily in the middle of the day, with miles of work ahead of her. Not a peaceful, nap-like rest, but instead, a drop dead, frigid state of unconsciousness.

Once when Sakumo passed away. Another time when she first became the leader of the hidden leaf, put in charge of restoring order to the virtually destroyed village. It was a natural physiological mechanism, a way in which her mind dealt with the many stressors of life. Today, she had dropped into a cold sleep on top of her paperwork, because of a certain jonin's life-threatening clinical trial. Because she knew it would be her fault if he were to be put in harm.

Because she _knew_ the White Fang's son was only deteriorating, and she _didn't know_ how to fix it, even as a renowned doctor.

When Jiraiya propped open the window and stealthily hopped into an old friend's office, fully expecting a shrill scream for him to use the front door, or at least a stern bonk to the head, he was instead met with an eerily quiet atmosphere. His toothy grin turned into a bewildered frown, eyebrows turning up in surprise as he took in Tsunade's silent, unconscious form.

The aged ninja carefully made his way over to her cluttered desk.

"Tsunade?" he said confusedly, putting a large, tanned hand on her rising and falling back. "Hey, wake up!"

She jolted up with an undignified snort, a piece of paper, hopefully not too important, stuck to her drooling mouth. Jiraiya immediately broke into a laughing fit, clutching his stomach, pointing at her face. She removed the document rather quickly, failing to get up and beat the life out of him for finding her funny.

"Shut up, Jiraiya...not in the mood," she said lowly, not making definite eye contact, reaching over to the left of her table space for a book titled _All About Neurology and More_ , then opening it up to a bookmarked page with extensive notes in the margins. His hearty guffaws died down to meaningless chuckles as he realized that something was a bit off about his former teammate. Looking over her shoulders, he glanced at her reading material, eyes wide, lips puffed up into a pout as he tried to make out what a picture of a brain had to do with protecting Konohagakure.

"Wow, Tsunade. I haven't seen you for a good while and this is how you greet me?" he questioned rhetorically, almost whining. "You're reading a book about _brains_ instead of talking to an old comrade that is _right next to you_."

She did not say a word in response, staring into space.

"Tsunade? Are you alright?" he said, waving a hand in front of her glossy eyes, this time worried.

Sighing, she slammed the textbook shut, and put her head in her hands, practically pulling on her blonde locks in frustration.

" _God_ , Jiraiya..." She looked up at him, her hazel eyes darker, holding a heavy burden. Instantly he became serious, willing to listen. "A lot has happened while you were gone."

"Like what?" he questioned curiously, leaning slightly against the edge of the desk, locking gazes with her. "Is the village's safety being threatened?"

Tsunade scoffed wryly, shaking her head. "I guess it is, in a way..."

Jiraiya instantly pushed on for her to elaborate, cobalt orbs narrowing humorlessly. "What? How, Tsunade?"

"One of Konoha's most valuable, top-rank jonin has fallen ill," she explained bluntly, in one breath, "Kakashi... he has brain cancer."

He just stared at her blankly, mouth formed into an o. "You're kidding, right?"

Tsunade shook her head mutely, affirming the crushing statement. He turned away from her, needing a moment to himself to process the startling news.

"But...but he was just fine a few months ago," the sannin muttered, eyes closed in disbelief, a ringing in his ears. "H-How could this happen?"

"Well, Jiraiya, _shit happens_ ," she said sarcastically, heaving another sigh. "And besides, Kakashi's mother died from it. She could've passed the cancer gene on to him."

"Sakumo must be rolling over in his grave. And Sayaka..." he said after a contemplative, somber pause, uncharacteristically solemn. "Isn't there a cure or something? Some herb I could go find? How is he doing right now? Tell me, Tsunade...t-tell me everything."

"We're trying to cure him with chemo at the hospital for a month, but I honestly think that if the cancer doesn't kill him, the chemo will. Simply said, he isn't reacting well at all..." _And that's why I need to find an alternate solution._.

She picked up the same book again and resumed her reading, eyes determined, pen ready in her grasp to take copious notes. Jiraiya put a hand over her hers, stopping her from writing, needing some kind of reassurance. The two adults looked at each other, sharing the restlessness in their hearts.

"Is Kakashi really that...bad?" His eyes were watering, as much as he didn't want them to. Tsunade noticed, tearing up as well.

"Oh, Jiraiya..." she whispered, finally standing up , wrapping her arms around his broad midsection. "The treatment is harsh, and I doubt most would be able to take it."

"But even so, we aren't allowed to lose belief in his recovery."

* * *

Jiraiya watched his sleeping student, the only remaining Hatake, from his perch on the windowsill, truly not sure how to feel.

Brows furrowed in a nauseating worry, he examined the man buried under the blankets, wondering when exactly he'd gotten so thin, so _sickly_. Noticing the tiny drops of perspiration on his sickeningly pallid forehead, Jiraiya stepped forward slightly and put a palm to the ailing boy's temple to wipe away the moisture, expecting the ferocity of a fever to burn his hand right through. But the stark, white flesh was an icy, unwelcoming cold.

Kakashi's one eye lethargically blinked open, as the warm touch had woken him up out of his seemingly constant slumber.

"Mas...ter...Jiraiya," he croaked with great difficulty, stiffly turning his head in an attempt to look at the familiar face. The inside of his throat felt as if it had been ripped to shreds.

Jiraiya's eyes widened in surprise, and he quickly retracted his palm. "Kakashi, you're awake, finally!"

The Hatake nodded numbly, shifting his sore body so that he was facing the other direction. He could bring himself to act normally around a friend like Gai in his current state, no big deal. But the fact that someone as important as Jiraiya, a freaking _legend_ , knew about his disease, and was paying a visit to his _cancer_ suite, made it seem all the more real.

"Kid, face me," Jiraiya called out from behind him, his eyebrows drawn together in a sort of concern at his behavior. "I've been waiting to see you, ya know. You could at least spare me a few words."

Kakashi slowly looked back at him, holding in his doleful eyes a dark, clawing fear. "You shouldn't have come...you shouldn't have come here," he muttered sluggishly, barely able to articulate his words into proper language. He was so tired of hurting everyone.

The old man crossed his arms out of agitation, in a way that reminded Kakashi of Naruto. "Of course I came, Kashi. I'm worried about you. We all are," he spoke softly, as if his heart was wounded by the statement.

The Hatake spared his old teacher a small smile then, one that made his old self shine through, if only for a glimpse of a mere moment. "Don't worry about me, please. I'll be completely fine," he reassured in a mere whisper, touched by everyone's care. Kakashi was exaggerating, lying right through his teeth, but he'd do anything to make everyone around him happy again.

The scratchiness of his voice and his frighteningly haggard appearance would surely make one doubtful of his claim, but nonetheless, Jiraiya broke out into a huge smile at those few words, proceeding to ruffle Kakashi's silver hair.

"Don't do that..." the ill man slurred with a pained gulp to ward off his ever present nausea, eyes drooped in drowsiness. "I'm _27_."

 _You'll always be a child to me_ , Jiraiya thought to himself with a hearty guffaw, his eyes squinting into playful crescents that emphasized his many wrinkles and creases. But suddenly, he became serious, remembering the overriding purpose of his visit.

"I actually came here to give you something-to tell you something that Sakumo, or myself should have told you long ago."

He reached into the inside of his shirt, procuring a small, manila envelope. On it, written in neat, tidy print, was Kakashi's own name.

"Hey, kid," Jiraiya called out firmly, jerking the young man out of his languid daze. "Here."

With a sigh, the Hatake took it into his weak grasp, sitting up in bed with a small grunt. "What is this?" he questioned carefully, his curious gaze fixated on the yellowed parchment.

The old sannin shifted his weight with averted eyes, pausing before answering his question with a timid but heavy, "It's...a letter from your mother."

Kakashi sat there, eerily silent, not comprehending. He felt numb, not having the slightest clue how to react, simply unsure if Jiraiya was actually telling the truth. A million questions overpowered his mind. Who was his mother? How was she like? Why did they wait to give him this letter, when they _knew_ he needed some kind of closure as a child? _Why now, when he looked like death Himself?_

He dropped the damned thing into his lap, his hands shaking terribly in trepidation, face gone pale, wide eyes gaping at nothing in particular. His breath was painfully caught in the back of his throat, and he couldn't bring himself to inhale and exhale.

"I-I can't..." Kakashi started, voice uncharacteristically shaky. He looked to his father's friend desperately, his teeth chattering so convulsively under his mask that a puzzled Jiraiya was able to hear the startling sound of them clacking together.

"I-I'm not r-ready...I-I...please take..." he spluttered, feeling as if he were having a stroke, never having experienced such an intense brew of emotions. Kakashi himself couldn't understand his reaction. As a kid he'd always wanted to see his mother, feel her warmth. But now, he only feared what was in the depths of that manila envelope, the last wisp of her left in the world for him.

A harsh cough tickled the inside of his gullet and he doubled over violently, clutching the thin cloth over his chest as his body was suddenly taken over by ragged, dry hacks that brought his attention back to the aching in his throat.

Jiraiya came forward with furrowed brows and slapped his thin back until he was laying breathless against his pillows, face gone gray, chest heaving as he tried to _breathe_.

"You know what? It's okay, you don't have to read it right now. Focus on your recovery, just rest," Jiraiya told him worriedly, starting to reach out for the letter from where Kakashi had dropped it in his confusing display of shock.

The Hatake grapped his wrist with a clammy hand, stopping him from taking it away.

"Just leave it here," he managed to say clearly before his eyes slipped shut against his will and he once again lost consciousness.

* * *

Kakashi curled into a tight fetal position, clawing at his burning chest in agony.

There was an uncomfortable sensation of tightness near his breastbone, a searing torture that no words could accurately depict. His whole motionless form was in an inexplicable torment, as everything was affected by some kind of ache or pain. Silently, he shut his eyes, clenching his fists into the blankets as a migraine pounded through his skull. If he hadn't built up a pain tolerance-no, an ability to remain dead quiet in times of helplessness-he would have _screamed_ at the top of his lungs.

And that wasn't all of it; a burning sensation was steadily spreading through his quivering limbs, bringing along with it an air of anxious foreboding. His joints creaking with fatigue, Kakashi sat up in bed and threw off the heavy covers, that single act nearly depleting him of his remaining shriveled energy.

The tell tale, constant rhythm of the heart monitor grew faster, erratic with his fears, with his body's horrific response to the cancer treatment. His chest was heaving unhealthily, his gaping eyes flitting around aimlessly in his panic, in his tremendous fear of what was happening to him. Shaking visibly, almost convulsing, Kakashi mustered up barely enough energy to reach over and press the call button on the remote next to his pillow, aided by nothing but adrenaline.

Even though he'd been trained to ignore hurt since he was a mere toddler, Kakashi couldn't help but call for help. It was an issue of life or death, and he needed to store away his pride in order to save his own skin.

A few moments later, he heard hurried bustling down the hall, before the door was opened forcefully, definitely not with timidity. It wasn't a random nurse that entered, he could tell at least that much in his bleary haze.

Almost immediately after she came in, Shizune could tell that there was a serious problem. The Hatake was breathing hard, much too hard. His visage was stark white, dotted with beads of perspiration. Most concerning for a medical professional such as her would be his heart rate. It was already fast as it was, but irregular in combination, life threateningly uneven.

One hand clutching his chest, he clumsily grabbed at her, finally grasping a piece of her coat and jerking her forward. It was beyond her how he was even conscious.

" _Help me,_ " he breathed out raggedly, choking on his own words, his cobalt orbs abnormally wide, red rimmed, _crazed, "_ S-something isn't right... _chest_... _h-hurts-_ "

With a gasping wheeze, he relinquished his hold on her and crookedly fell back against the pillows, his eyes rolling back into his head.

Blanching, she glanced at the monitor, confirming her dread. The lines, which were supposed to arch in a normal rhythm, were changing abruptly in magnitude, shape, and most importantly, strength. It was as if his heart was merely twitching at random intervals instead of steadily pumping blood like it was supposed to.

In a frightening epiphany, she suddenly knew that her worst fears had come true. Their medication had failed in doing its job, harming Kakashi instead of helping him. The agonized breathing, totaled with the fatal arrhythmia could only mean one thing.

Kakashi was going into cardiac arrest, and if Shizune didn't do something right then, he could very possibly _die_.

* * *

 **It was after a long day of training, and the remaining members of Team 7 had finally made time to check up on their favorite Hatake.**

Yamato was leading his team down the hall, a thin eyebrow twitching the slightest bit as he tried, but failed to ignore how their voices cut into the utterly quiet, miserable atmosphere. And that wasn't all of it; their conversations were so _stupid,_ so lacking of any human intellect that he had the urge to slap them upside the head to knock some sense into their scatterbrained, empty skulls.

"Sasuke, what's your favorite ramen flavor?" Naruto questioned loudly. Yamato could almost _feel_ the Uchiha roll his eyes from behind him.

"Tch."

"What?"

"Tch."

"WHAT?!"

"TCH."

"SHUT THE F-"

The curative sound of a fist meeting a head broke the directed tension between the boys, resulting in a sharp cry of pain from Naruto and a smug smirk from his rival. Although she was far from a peacemaker, Sakura did know how to effectively break fights.

"Watch your mouth with Sasuke, Naruto!"

Mentally exhausted, Yamato finally turned back, lips parted and ready to chastise the hell out of them. It was a skill he'd learned that he was surprisingly good at over the last few months.

"Hey, keep it down," he whispered harshly, giving them his sternest, scariest glare, "By talking so loudly, you're disrupting the recovery of many patients, including Kakashi. When we go in there, I expect you to be on your best behavior, and by that I mean _talk quietly._ You guys do want to help him recover don't you?"

After a few deflated murmurs of agreement and a discreet _"Don't tell me how to act around my sensei"_ from Naruto, the group silently turned the hall and headed down toward his room. It was true that they didn't get along for the most part, but in that moment, just a few steps away from seeing Kakashi, they all shared the same anticipation in the pits of their guts, that jumbled excitement that kept them from thinking straight.

Grinning from ear to ear, Naruto jumped ahead of his team and bolted toward the door, swinging it open in one swift, strong motion. But immediately, the smile was swept off of his face, as the situation sunk in to his bones. His mouth turned into a horrified o, the blood draining from his face. His team caught up with him quick enough, immediately realizing that something was horribly wrong.

The fact that Kakashi's mask and shirt had been ripped off right down the center, or even the sporadic beating of the heart monitor, was enough to let them come to that conclusion.

From their place by the door, they were able to see that Shizune was hovering over him, her brow beaded with sweat as she pushed hard onto his naked chest in forced, even compressions. Tsunade herself was present as well, straining her voice, practically screaming as she directed the crowd of medical professionals that were gathered around him in a frenzy.

"He's not breathing, bag him! He needs respiratory support!"

They watched numbly as a pair of steady hands tilted his lolling chin up and placed a mask onto his face, squeezing the attached valve bag in an attempt to literally force feed oxygen into his lungs.

"Get ready with the paddles; I'm afraid we're going to have to shock his heart back into rhythm with chakra-"

By some miracle, the Hokage suddenly glanced at the door, catching a glimpse of them and their perplexed, unregistering expressions.

"Get them out of here!" she said to no one in particular, too focused to provide any form of moral support.

The door was shut in their faces with a resounding slam.

* * *

 **A/N:**

Hey again! Thought I should inform you of some things.

Kotomi is officially not going to be a romantic interest of Kakashi's. Actually, he might not even have one because that isn't even the main point of the story. I'd almost forgotten that this fic is about friendship, and the bonds Kakashi strengthens with mainly his students. Frankly, romance completely clouds that idea. Maybe I'll do that sappy crap in another story, I guess. Not saying that this story is completely devoid of any romance, but that definitely is not the main focus. I hope that's okay?

Also, this chapter might have been a bit...quick. I went against my usual gradual plot spacing and put Kakashi into freaking cardiac arrest! But let me remind you, everything is written with a purpose. The reason I decided to depict an abrupt decline in Kakashi's condition was because I wanted to get across the idea that diseases like cancer, or just life in general, is never gradual or slow. Tragedy strikes randomly with no regard to how good or bad you are. Things happen that scar people for life, but that's just how it is. You might as well take it and add to your emotional and physical strength.

BTW, i did do my research. In some cases, chemotherapy CAN damage the heart muscle which can lead to irregular rhythms.

Anyway, hope you liked it! Gimme some feedback! Also, tell me how you felt about the letter from his mom and his reaction? Was it justifiable, or just over dramatic? What would you like to see in the next chapter?


	19. 19

Chapter 19: A Life is a Life.

Shizune thrust the paddles onto Kakashi's bare, clammy chest, forcing direct, electrical pinpoints of chakra straight to his fluttering heart in an attempt to shock it back into normality. His back arched suddenly, body jerking off of the mattress in protest, then falling back onto the surface with a limp thud.

The medical professionals around him paused amidst their procedure for a moment, their bodies tingling with adrenaline as they searched his heart rhythm for any signs of recovery. The lines were still erratic.

He was still coding into oblivion.

Her hearing heightened through the utter seriousness of the life or death situation, Shizune heard the electric buzz of the recharging paddles, and her hokage's demanding but desperate cry for them to increase the power, defibrillate again, do something, _anything._

"Clear!" Shizune cried out.

The kunoichi attempted once again to revive his normal rhythm, barely having time to breathe, much less wipe the growing sweat on her brow. His torso seized off of the bed in response to the buzzing electric charge. As he flopped down, they waited, _prayed_ for the scribbling lines on the monitor to stop being so life-threateningly erratic, because in these situations, luck was just as vital as technique.

But despite their efforts, the room was still flooded by what seemed like a million fast, uneven beats with every wasted second that ticked past.

Shizune paused uncertainly, the paddles shaking in her quivering hands, her heart hammering past her rib cage. With every ragged breath of hers becoming closer together, and every breath of Kakashi's growing further apart, the incessant voice inside of her became overwhelmingly louder, saying _I can't do this._

She looked at Kakashi's face with gaping eyes, hearing a ringing in her ears, feeling as if everything were in slow motion. His eyes were closed shut, lidden with deep, purple splotches of exhaustion. His perfect features were bony and gaunt, a sickly white tint. His chest was barely moving. Could this really be the end of such a valuable life? Was this the end of his fight with cancer?

"Shizune!" Tsunade called, finding a way to teach her assistant a vital lesson even through the hectic nature of the code. " _Dr. Shizune._ How will you proceed?"

The Hokage's pupil looked up for a moment, completely smitten, but didn't take long to quickly glance back at the copy-nin. It wasn't about how valuable his life was, she realized in an epiphany. It was a life of a human with a heart that beat just as hers did, and she'd be damned if she didn't save it.

Taking in a sharp, shuddering inhale, Shizune nodded, straightening up and holding out the paddles with a growing sense of firmness.

"Increase charge to 360 volts," she instructed, watching in her peripheral vision as someone immediately did exactly as she'd said. "Clear!"

He rose and fell with a sickening thump. There was absolutely no change. But no, she couldn't just _stop_.

Tsunade watched Shizune work with crossed arms, her chest set aflame with a strange, mixed feeling of anxiety and growing admiration. She could only grow taller with pride as she noticed a new _will_ in her younger's work, a powerful mindset that she took years to find herself.

"Clear!" Shizune exclaimed, her eyes growing increasingly wet, voice cracking with emotion. "Come on, Kakashi! _Don't die on me!_ "

As if someone were controlling him like he were a puppet, Kakashi's thorax wrenched off of the table, proceeding to hammer down with the force of gravity.

 _Beep. Beep. Beep._

A deep sigh escaped his pale, chapped lips.

The whole room exhaled collectively, some wiping the sweat off of their foreheads, winded, while others stood still as a statue, looking stoically to the Hokage for instructions, as they were completely used to such situations.

Shizune, on the other hand, thrust the paddles into the closest person's arms and rushed away from that damned hospital bed, her clammy hands fumbling with the doorknob before opening it and making a clumsy exit.

"Shizune!"

She heard Tsunade calling after her. She knew that running out of a situation was not the way to go. She _knew_ , but frankly, the need to breathe, coupled with a panicked, overwhelmed, _confused_ mind, overrode any rationale that she had left.

So, Shizune hurried down the hallways like a helpless child, her breath struggling to get past her throat, her brows turned up as she struggled to cope with an emotion she hadn't ever felt before.

She ducked into a bathroom and fled to the nearest stall, bending down and abruptly emptying the contents of her stomach out into the toilet, her trembling palms digging into the porcelain sides. Why was the adrenaline still coursing through her veins? Why was her chest still tight with anxiety?

On unsteady legs, Shizune stood, venturing toward the row of sinks. She ran the tap and splashed some water on her face, wiping away the tears and the sweat from earlier, really trying to put the whole situation behind her.

But as she looked at her ashen face in the mirror, she knew that she would never able to forget the terrified look in Kakashi's red-rimmed eyes, and how close he came to being buried six feet underneath the ground she walked on.

* * *

He woke slowly, blinking to clear the drug-induced fog that had gathered in his vision.

Immediately, he felt a tight sort of heaviness near his breastbone, as if the area had gone through recent trauma. His throat was uncomfortably constricted, a thick tube regulating his intake of oxygen. The needles in his arms provided a dull ache that only added to the overall feeling of being charred and peeled from the inside out. A familiar odor drifted in and out of his nose. Antiseptic.

Hospital. That's where he was.

Kakashi pushed his elbows into the mattress with a choked, muffled groan, and shakily attempted to sit up, remembering the painful events that had transpired before he'd lost consciousness. An overwhelming pain in his chest, then nothing. A black void had enveloped him, his body's personal painkiller.

He wanted to get out. He needed to fucking get out.

Kakashi looked down at his knuckles wildly and yanked the many tubes off, blood spurting out from the self induced injuries. Next, he tugged the electrodes off his chest and violently pulled out the tube from his throat, coughing and sputtering as his body breathed on its own for the first time in a while.

Immediately, the discarded electrodes produced a low flat line. He had only a limited amount of time before a nurse came in to check upon the disturbance. If Kakashi wanted to get out, he needed to think fast.

Already, he sensed approaching chakra, hearing hurried footsteps only a few moments later. In a panic, Kakashi slipped off of the bed with trembling ankles in nothing but a hospital gown, making the familiar signs with his fingers to teleport back home, a place he'd almost completely abandoned.

* * *

Kakashi reappeared in front of his doorstep. He was heaving unhealthily, and there was sweat trickling down his pale, gaunt visage. However, he somehow managed to find the key hidden underneath his welcome mat and unlock the door.

Shuddering as if it were too cold, Kakashi unsteadily trudged inside and shut the door behind him. He felt like shit, but at least he was out of that hellhole. Any sane person would have a little more hesitation to go home right after a heart attack, while they have a tumor in their brain, because the consequences of such a simple action could turn out to be fatal. But he was just so done with all of this chemotherapy bullshit that made him worse off than before.

And besides, Kakashi was never sane to began with.

Stars appearing in his vision, the world spinning nauseatingly, Kakashi wheezed, his knees buckling and hitting the ground. He fell forward, clutching his palpitating chest, as it was beating unevenly, and uncomfortably hard. The chemotherapy must have really messed with his heart, Kakashi concluded humorlessly.

Soon enough, his head hit the floor, the world going black once again as his eyes rolled back into his head.

* * *

The next time he woke, it was to the sound of strained whispering, in the comfort of his own bed. Squinting his eyes open, Kakashi realized through blurry vision that there were people congregated in his room, having a heated argument from the looks of it. He sat up against his pillows with a pained exhale, his shuriken patterned sheets falling to his lap.

Immediately everyone's attention turned toward him. For a while Kakashi stared at Asuma, Kurenai, Gai, and Tsunade dumbfoundedly, as they didn't say anything to him, and he was frankly too confused to utter something himself.

"K-kakashi...you're awake," Kurenai started, breaking the silence, blinking as if she couldn't believe that he was conscious. He wondered how long he'd been out, if she was reacting in such a manner at him being awake.

Kakashi acknowledged her statement, but didn't say a word in return.

"My Rival! You had us worried!" Gai exclaimed finally, brows furrowed as he made his way to Kakashi's bedside, "How could you _think_ to leave the hospital in your condition? Have you completely lost your mind?!"

Sighing, Kakashi looked up and made fearless eye contact with the man, realizing that for once his rival actually seemed genuinely angry. Furious, even-But that was to be expected.

Watching the encounter and noting Kakashi's new demeanor, Tsunade raised a brow. "That's it. You're coming back to the hospital with me now. No questions asked," she prompted sternly. He stared at her blankly, not making a single move to get up.

"Did you not hear what I just said?" Tsunade reiterated in agitation, her hands resting on her hips, "We're going back to the hospital, _right now!"_

No," he told her plainly. He looked calm on the surface, but in truth, anger was boiling up from deep within him. Everyone except Asuma looked shocked at his defiant answer to the hokage.

"What did you just say to me? Enough of the tough act, Kakashi. You're going back to the hospital, unless you're fine with dying," she said, crossing her arms and practically glaring at the man for being so juvenile with his health.

"Then I'm fine with dying."

Tsunade's eyes widened, her face paling. Was he serious?

"Enough of this, my rival! Take the help you deserve! Why are you being so childish?" Gai shouted indignantly, concerned more than he was mad.

"Help? You call _that_ help?" Kakashi hissed finally, throwing off the blankets and slowly standing up so that he was face to face with his friend. "Help isn't supposed to give you a heart attack. Help isn't supposed to make you so weak that you can't do anything that gives you reason to live. _Help_ isn't supposed to make you worse off than before."

Gai blinked. "But this help is what's keeping you _alive_ , Kakashi. You need to go back to the hospital. If not for yourself, then do it for us!"

In a completely unexpected moment, the copy nin thrust forward and shoved Gai back in an unusual expression of his frustration. Gai staggered back from the impact, watching as his friend kept advancing.

"I'm _done_ killing myself so you guys can have some peace of mind. To hell with y'all and to hell with my life!" Kakashi practically shouted, as if he were finally releasing his true feelings since his diagnosis.

Regaining his balance, Gai looked him over, as if he couldn't recognize the person he was talking to.

"You need help, Kakashi. You need to get some damn help, because clearly, this cancer has already affected your brain," Gai started quietly, standing stiff and serious. "This isn't my rival. No, this isn't the friend I've come to know."

There was a moment of silence, Asuma, Kurenai, and Tsunade tensing up at his bold statement. Kakashi's fists were at his sides, clenching harder and harder as he took in the declaration. He felt dehumanized, like a guinea pig that was constantly being tested and poked and prodded. He felt the anger, the sadness, the desperation- all of it fuming up from deep within him, like a noxious gas that poisoned any piece of happiness and vitality he had left.

Without warning, he thrust himself forward and punched Gai right in the face.

The man practically flew back, crying out at the unexpected attack. For a man with cancer, Kakashi was pretty strong. Asuma leaped forward on instinct, grabbing the copy nin's arms and pulling him back, restraining him before he did any further damage to his friend's cheekbones.

Kakashi strained against him, raging blindly at anything or anyone that provoked him.

"Do you see what I mean now!" Gai said loudly, one hand cupping his already bruised cheek. "You're the most selfish person I know, you know that? How could you even _think_ to stop treatment, when your students depend on you as a role model! Do you not care about them at all?"

" _I'm_ selfish?" Kakashi hissed lowly, still fighting against Asuma's grips. "This whole time, I've been fighting for _y'all._ I've been destroying myself because I don't want Sasuke, Sakura, and Naruto to wake up without a sensei one day. I don't ever want them to feel the pain I felt when Minato-sensei died."

Shuddering, he continued. "You just watch as I die, Gai. You don't care if my hair falls out, or if I can't walk, or if I throw up god knows how many times a day. No, you just want me to be _alive_."

Miserable, but alive.

Kakashi started to pale, shaking against Asuma, his breaths coming in pants. Asuma's brows furrowed, as he'd noticed the sudden lack of energy in the man.

"Hey, I think it's time you sit down, Kakashi," the Sarutobi started worriedly, feeling the man go more and more limp.

"All of you...get out..." he started timidly, the anger surging back up even through all the exhaustion. "Get out of my house. Leave me alone!"

His eyes looked crazed and bloodshot, fists shivering and itching with the need to hurt something. He just wanted everyone to be _gone._ He needed to breathe. He needed to fucking breathe.

Kakashi writhed and struggled against Asuma, jutting his elbow into his gut with as much force as he could manage. The man hissed and jumped back at the sudden attack.

"I'm not going to a goddamn hospital..." he breathed, shoulders rising and falling with each strained heave. "Get...out..."

The world went black.

A/n: hey guys it's been a min. A lot of shit happened. Went to rehab cause I tried to kms and I have a drug addiction lmao. Been working on this chap for a year but never got to posting it. Hope you enjoy and as always leave reviews.


	20. Chapter 20: Frigid

Chapter 20:

He woke to the smell of brewed tea and fresh pancakes. Looking over to the side with sleep crusted eyes, he saw Shizune opening the window blinds and letting the annoyingly bright light into the room, all whilst balancing a steaming tray of breakfast in her arms. Wordlessly he sat up, wiping the bleariness out of his eyes with a comical yawn.

She jolted towards the noise, the sudden movement dangerously disbalancing the food she was holding. After a few moments of clattering silverware and panicked cursing, Shizune regained her momentum, sighing and looking over at Kakashi with a bewildered expression.

"You're awake, haha! Good morning," she started with a flustered laugh, her eyes closed in a sheepish manner.

He just stared at her blankly.

"God, Kakashi, you really scared me just now." She walked over to his nightstand and placed the tray down. "Anyways I made you breakfast, I don't know if you like pancakes but-"

"What are you doing here," he stated coldly, not even as a question, but almost as a way of letting her know that she wasn't wanted.

Shizune blinked.

"I, uh...I was told by Lady Tsunade to watch over you since you aren't completely recovered from your heart attack."

Kakashi gazed at her coldly. And who's fault was the heart attack? Every fucking person who forced him to go through a clinical trial that made him worse. Yeah, he had a damn choice.

But did he really?

Shizune stood there and waited for a response. But he gave her nothing. At least before, Kakashi made eye contact.

But now he wasn't even giving her that much. She was being ignored. He was waiting for her to go away.

Her brows furrowing as she realized this, Shizune straightened her skirt, and turned around to leave him be, feeling blatantly unwanted and embarrassed.

As she exited the room, Kakashi couldn't help but notice the hurt in her eyes.

(Insert line)

Days passed without them talking. The same routine repeated over and over and over.

Shizune coming in with a new tray to replace the hardly touched one on his nightstand. Checking his vitals. Giving him a cheery initiative to eat. And being ignored time and time again.

It was like he'd given up.

His standoffish behavior sparked a sort of childish awkwardness in Shizune, making her not want to go into that dreaded room where Kakashi's blank eyes awaited her.

He scared her.

At night, she slept on the living room couch, using a blanket she found in a linen closet, one she was sure had not been washed in at least a few months. She didn't even change into her usual nightgown. That was reserved for only home, and this didn't feel like her home.

She drifted off knowing that this lack of communication simply wasn't sustainable.

(Insert line)

There was a knock on the door. Shizune mumbled and shifted on the couch. Whoever it was, they could come back later.

The knocking became more incessant, turning into something resembling banging. She pulled the wool blanket over her face, groaning, as she truly was having a great dream.

"OPEN UP, KAKASHI-SENSEI! I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR US!"

Well, didn't that voice sound familiar. Shizune checked the watch she had set aside on the coffee table. It was five am. FIVE.

Her mouth in a narrow, straight line, the woman shuffled into a standing position and ambled to the entrance of the house, pausing with a sigh, and then opening the door.

She was facing Naruto and Sakura. Their faces were red with anger and impatience, nostrils flaring with each quick breath they took. Maybe they ran here, Shizune pondered.

"What the hell are you doing here!" Naruto questioned in bewilderment.

"Do y'all know what time it is?" She stated dryly, covering her mouth with the back of her hand as she yawned.

"L-lady Shizune, nobody's been letting us see Kakashi-sensei! And we thought if we'd come here then maybe he'd open the door and we could-"

"You can't see him, Sakura," Tsunade's apprentice said bluntly, rubbing her eyes with yet another sigh.

She started to close the door.

"Wait!" Naruto cried out in frustration, pushing it back open, "We deserve an explanation! He's our freaking sensei, goddamn it!"

Shizune locked eyes with him coldly. "I'm afraid that you really are going to have to leave right now."

Naruto paused in surprise. What the hell was going on. Why was everyone acting so weird? All the more reason to find out.

Then, without a second's hesitation, he pushed past his elder with a hidden force and stumbled to Kakashi's room, thrusting the door open.

Frozen gray eyes stared back at him.

No emotions, no happiness, no sadness. He didn't see anything in Kakashi's expression. Was feeling nothing better than feeling all the sadness in the world?

Kakashi was propped back against a few pillows. His eyes were rimmed with red, his dark circles more prominent than ever. His face was ashen, hair completely misplaced and messy. Naruto noticed, with bile in the back of his throat, that his sensei had lost most of the muscle mass he had when he'd taken them in as students.

Kakashi broke the eye contact. His eyes rolled up, facing the ceiling, looking at nothing.

"S-sensei?" Naruto started, edging closer to the bed. He waited for a response, some kind of communication. The man just kept staring at the damned ceiling.

Surely he'd heard him. His eyes were open, that meant he was awake. Or did it?

Sakura stepped forward, wiping the tears from her eyes silently.

"Kakashi-sensei, I know you hear us," she said timidly. He said nothing.

Not a single word. Sakura could've sworn she physically felt her heart shatter. A cold feeling spread all over her.

"Sensei? Sensei! Kashi-Sensei! Listen, please!" She cried, tears running down her face. "Why are you ignoring me? Did I do something?"

At that point, Shizune came forward from the back and put her hands firmly on both of their shoulders. They turned to look, shock stricken eyes meeting her own.

"You must leave now."

(Insert line)

 _He glared at the amber liquid flowing freely through the tube and into him. It traveled at a rapid pace, burning the inside of his chest without relent._

 _Looking down, Kakashi saw silvery hair in his lap. Gasping, he felt his hands fly up to his head, coming back down with clumps after clumps of his hair._

 _Before he knew it, he was completely bald. He cried out, feeling a familiar ache by his sternum._

 _A nurse came in. "Sir, I must intubate you, as your oxygen levels are starting to drop. Don't worry that happens to many people after this treatment."_

 _Without warning, she grabbed his neck with a steely look and plunged a wide tube into his throat. Kakashi gurgled for breath, nails scratching desperately at her arms. Blood trickled out of his mouth, staining the white sheets._

 _The faceless woman proceeded to grab his arm, holding a daunting IV needle in her other hand. "You're getting quite weak, perhaps this will help."_

 _She_ _shoved it into his wrist without even looking. Kakashi gasped in pain, unable to say a single word. It stuck out grossly sideways, obviously in the wrong spot._

 _The nurse pulled out the needle, which oozed and stained with fresh blood. The crimson liquid spurted out of the open wound._

 _He couldn't even scream._

(Insert line)

"Kakashi? Hey, are you alright? Kakashi!"

Someone was shaking him profusely. He opened his eyes, gasping for breath, his tank soaked through with sweat.

Kakashi jolted up, pushing away Shizune's arm from his shoulder. She was looking at him with concern, her usual tray of breakfast having been set aside on the nightstand.

"Are you okay?" She said quietly, eyeing his heaving form.

"There's no need for you to worry about me," he replied coldly. She flinched at the comment, turning her attention to the food she'd made.

"I made you breakfast. I must remind you, Kakashi, you need to eat this. It's essential to your recovery and well being," Shizune started, hoping that he'd just fucking listen for once.

She stared at his hunched form hopefully, waiting for some kind of response. He wasn't even looking at her.

"Kakashi, this time I won't let it pass. Eat this or you're going to have to drink one of my meal shakes."

"No," he grunted defiantly, "If you think a few homemade pancakes are going to help me recover, then you're mistaken. I'm not eating it."

Shizune stood there, refusing to leave. Usually, she would've nodded and left him alone, but now, she couldn't. Something struck a chord in her this time.

She clenched her fists in an emotion she couldn't exactly define. He didn't get to give up like that.

He couldn't just fucking stop trying. He couldn't.

In one swift motion she knocked the tray off the nightstand. The dishes clattered to the ground, orange juice and miso soup splattering on the floor without warning.

"Damn it," she whispered, finally getting the copy nin's attention, "Damn it!"

He looked at her with wide eyes, shocked at her sudden show of violence.

"Now you listen to me, Kakashi," she started, voice cracking, shaking hands fisted at her sides. "I'm well aware that you've been doing all this treatment for your kids, for us, for everyone but yourself!"

A stray tear slipped down her cheek, her brows furrowed. "Don't you understand? Any decision that you make, we're here, no matter what. We just want you to be happy. I just want you to fucking smile again."

Her knees made contact with the ground, body shaking with silent sobs. She could see Kakashi giving up, coming to the end of his fight. It was evident in his eyes, his body language, the way he spoke. Is this how all cancer patients got before they died?

She couldn't bear that he was quitting on himself.

Slowly, Kakashi stood from the bed, barefoot feet not used to the cold wood. He lowered himself onto the ground next to Shizune's sniffling form.

She felt his willowy arms wrap around her trembling form, embracing her in a hug. Shizune rested her head on his chest and returned the embrace, smelling hints of sandalwood that she'd never noticed before.

Kakashi stroked her black hair with one hand. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

She pulled away, looking up at him dolefully. "No, I'm sorry. For making you feel, for even one second, that you have to do any treatment for my sake. Nobody deserves to feel that way."

"Yes, but nobody deserves to resuscitate a dead man, and then wait on their every need," he replied with a sigh. She squeezed his hand.

"I'd do it any day."


End file.
